Ok, first off, I’m not sure if this is a MPSIMS thing, or IMHO, so if it has to be moved I apologize.
Now then. Monday morning, I am free. My divorce is final.
I have been living with the girl I am going to marry for about 2 years now. We know that we’re getting married. It’s already been discussed. We’re both very very eager to get to it.
However, I need to propose. She told me a few days ago that a ring is not important. She says she had one, and to her it’s not as important as being able to call herself my wife, and be able to call me her husband. I, for what it is worth, agree.
So should I bite the bullet, and propose with no ring?
Also, does anyone have interesting cheap ways to propose? I’m not looking for anything exact, but things that may inspire my already warped mind to come up with something new.
I think my dad proposed with the ring in the ice-bin in the ice-maker, and then he got down on one knee and all.
If she likes jewelry at all, get her a ring, cause it’s pretty and people will compliment her on it, and it may not be *important *but it would be nice, and fun, and symbolic and stuff.
just MHO
Sweety and I have been knowing we’d get married for a year or two.
In February he comes to me and says “we really gotta go get a ring!” So we went and picked one out. It wasn’t too expensive, either.
Later we were sitting in front of the fireplace and he got on his knee and asked me to marry him. It was sweet, really, but I wasn’t expecting it.
Of course, you know your lady, and know what she likes. I think it would be wise of you to try to save up and get a ring. Look at it this way: you can always get her an expensive one for an anniversary gift. Any little intimate moment will do for the proposal itself. And BTW, congrats.
The ring is a symbol - a physical object that represents the commitment you are making. It’s also a nice little shorthand (so to speak) way of communicating the change in your relationship to the world.
It’s also somewhat expected, and I’m lazy - I don’t want to have to explain why I’m engaged and don’t have a ring to every yahoo who can’t understand that just because that’s the way people do it doesn’t mean I have to do it that way. I’m saving that type of argument for important things. Like the wedding.
OTOH (again, so to speak), my very first engagement I never got a ring, and I felt near the end that there wasn’t a real commitment on the part of my fiancée.
So the ring isn’t necessary. You don’t need anything, or you can choose something else that symbolizes your commitment. If I had chosen to not get a ring from Bob, I would have probably asked him to do something for the house.
But if you do get a ring, I encourage you to not get a diamond. They are insanely expensive and frankly not worth it. There are a lot of beautiful stones out there. Myring is a London Blue Topaz, and I am getting many nice compliments on it!
Lord Ashtar - Bob threatened to propose to me over the phone and I told him I’d turn him down if he did!
Some friends of mine got married last summer. He gave her a ring they had found in an abandonned trapping cabin while hiking together; she gave him a bicycle key…
We were always going to get married, it was just understood. So we picked out a ring together so that he would be sure to get me something I like. I suggest you take her shopping, get the ring, and think of a nice, romantic way to propose.
We too planned to get married and at the time I would not support South Africa or the de Beers monopoly and buy a diamond.
After Nancy sat on my lap one evening from 7-9 pm, refusing to feed me until I agreed to get married, I caved. Hey, I was hungry!
We found a jewelry shop that would create a gold band with our fingerprints in the center (and scrollwork) on the outside. It’s the most personal and most-stunning piece of jewelry that she owns.
My husband told me the tale of his friend from college who was too poor to buy his beloved an engagement ring. He proposed using a ring made of tinfoil. The woman accepted, and had the ring encased in plastic, and wears it proudly.
I’ve been proposed to under the following circumstances…
***** with a plastic spider ring
***** on the phone
***** in the woods
***** laying in bed
I agreed to the last two (luckily, from the same fellah :D). I am certainly in the ring-is-no-biggie camp (don’t like diamonds, don’t like the pressure associated with the ring), and tdc and I thought it was wiser to save money on an engagement ring and be able to splurge more on the actual wedding bands.
However, I more than encourage you to find a way to propose that will wow all her friends and family who might see the empty ring finger as a significant void.
The ring is important to me only for the symbolism. I will admit, I have a dream ring, but I know it’s far out of our price range(it’s a $5000 antique platinum diamond w/sapphires that I found on the internet), and I wouldn’t let him get it for me, even if he wanted to do so. We’re going to go shopping for my ring together, and my choice would be to hit the antique stores first - what I’d really like is something antique, platinum, and with sapphires over diamonds. If we can’t find anything we like in our price range at an antique store or over the internet, we’ll just go to a regular jewelry store. I have small hands (size 4 1/2 left ring finger), so getting anything over a .6 center stone will probably be too large for me.
We also know we’re getting married and he wants me to go with him to pick out the ring because he said I’ll be the one wearing it for the rest of my life and he wants me to love it, not just like it. I love him for that:). But I also know that he’s going to do the romantic proposal thing, too - whereas it’s not a big deal to me - it’s enough to me to know that I’ve found the guy I want to be with for the rest of my life. Whatever he does will be romantic - it won’t be how much he spends, just the fact that he’s going to be doing it for me.
Best wishes to you! Sounds like you’ve already put a lot of thought into it - and my guess is that she’ll appreciate that more than anything:).
My husband proposed to me without a ring (it was my second wedding and I already had a big engagement ring the first time- it didn’t interest me), and we just celebrated our 5th anniversary yesterday. So just do whatever the two of you want- don’t worry about explaining yourselves.
I was once engaged. I am not a big jewlery person at all, and I detest gaudy diamonds as a symptom of what is wrong with the institution of marriage. Too much emphasis placed on false value, status and consumption.
Anyway, my ex-fiance (still a really good friend) gave me a gold band with opal inlay, and it was quite nice. To add to the romantic air, he proposed to me at the gravesite of Walt Whitman. We’re both writers with a love of poetry and at the time, I was bonkers over Whitman (I still am, but not as much as when he was “new” to me). A lot of people have expressed consternation at the thought of being proposed to at a gravesite, but I loved it and thought it was creative as well as meaningful to us and our way of life.
Well, from personal experience, a couple of “Do’s” and “Don’ts”… although the latter could also perhaps be called “Dohs!” :smack:
(all IMHO, YMMV, caveat emptor, etc)
Do get a ring or some other token. Your Lady may not need or expect it, but she is likely to appreciate it. Also, symbols are important, and it is nice to mark the occasion with a remembrance.
Anecdote-y bit: my mother had a family heirloom ring in the form of a buckle with some tiny diamonds. I always rather liked the ring even though it had tragic associations – a couple of generations previously it had been an engagement ring but the groom-to-be drowned before the wedding and the fiancee returned the ring to his/my family. Anyway, the ring got stolen in a burglary of my parent’s house and my mother had another crafter from the insurance money. It was similar to the original, but for me had no history and wasn’t very interesting. When my mother died she left me the ring. So now I had a ring I didn’t particularly like, with no memories… except that it had been left me by my mother. When I wanted to get an engagement ring made for my (now) wife, and being rather penniless at the time, I had the ring melted and refashioned into a shape she would like, and had the two best of the itty-bitty diamonds put into the new ring along with three garnets (which she adores). Not too expensive, my wife got a ring she loves, and I have the memory that the ring my mother left me is our engagement ring. (after a fashion).
Ok, Don’ts…
Don’t, after going to all the trouble to get the perfect ring decide that a nice joke would be to hold onto the real ring and put a Mickey Mouse ring in the ring-box. Don’t get so nervous that you give her the ring but actually omit the proposition, leading to a certain amount of misunderstanding as to the purpose of the ring. Don’t, while putting the ring on her hand, put the ring on the frickin’ wrong finger! Which, added to the non-verbal proposition only deepens the misunderstanding. :smack: (pity there’s not a “driving nails into your head” smiley)
Seriously though, the ring was a really good plan. It was simple and not very costly, and she loves it.
