And since the only good things I’ve got that I could capture is a one-shot poster telling me that I could be King of the United States and dpr bestowing the Ministry of Bumping upon me, I need some help.
I want a good sig line until I can dig up a certain quote that I remember from my youth.
Until then, some suggestions?
I am about to pull this straight out of my ass, so bear with me.
POSSIBLE SIGS (collected from various sources, some made up):
I’m the guy that wanders into your family reunion and takes the food and no one knows me and won’t tell me to go away.
“Stop Looking At Your Shoes.”
Until I break the habit of forcing sex on beautiful people, I’m just gonna keep on doing it.
Remember to take your shoes off before you set yourself on fire, because burning rubber smells really bad.
I named my new dog “freedom” and the next day it ran away from home. I should have named it “repression,” so it would be a lot weirder when it ran away.
Some things are easier than others, like writing an e-mail compared to attempting to jump over the empire state building. Notice I said “Attempting.”
“Uh oh, we’ve drawn Judge Snyder.”
“Is that bad?”
“Well, he’s had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog.”
“That’s not too bad.”
“Well, replace the word ‘accidentally’ with the word ‘repeatedly,’ and replace ‘dog’ with ‘son.’”
Fine. Don’t take your Ministerial responsibilities seriously then.
I entrust you with a very important role and you just cast it off quickly. You’re a gen x kid aren’t you. 
Seriously, and for the record, I LOVE your “If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, do the other trees all point and laugh?”
1952: Albert Einstein was offered the presidency of Israel but he declined, New York adopted the three-colored traffic lights, Big Bang theory proposed, Matisse made his great cutout "Blue Nude." Colonel Sanders started Kentucky Fried Chicken, Evita Perron died.Here’s a quote I came across today that I liked:
A likely impossibility is always preferable to an unconvincing possibility. --Aristotle
Since you can’t remember that quote from your childhood, I’ll suggest quotes from the childhoods/continuing lives of myself and Totoro seeing as we’re pals:
“Ah! BALLS!”
“What the hell?!?!”
“What the fuck?!?!”
“What the hell?!?!”
“Gimme a spoon!!”
“Excuse me, do you have cheap porn disguised as new releases?”
“I like beans!”
“Trouble with your homework son? Just use some WD-40. That’ll do the trick.”
“She used to suck the boogers out of my nose.”
“Boo tried to hump Gracie again.”
“Have you ever seen Ed TV?”
“No… You BAstard!”
“If you are late for class again, the policemen from California will take your motorcycle and give it to Alyssa, and every day she will give me and Corey a ride to school.”
“I was just thinking: what if instead of singing Auld Lang Syne at New Years, we sang Moth-Eaten Dear Head?”
“Butts. Why does it always have to be butts?”
Oh the lives we lead.
totoro and Elusivemiser, you now both scare me. stop it.
dpr- right after I posted this, I went hunting for the thread to bump it, but I couldn’t find it again… dang it. But I tried. I stopped bumping due to massive public outcry and voter apathy…
Hmmmm… some good ideas. I think I will keep the tree thing, just looking for more!
Keep 'em coming folks. Doesn’t have to be quotes, could just as well be thoughts on me… heheheheheh
How about this?
Notice: Odds are this message was composed under the effects of severe sleep deprivation and/or excessive amounts of alcohol. If this is indeed the case, the author is not to be held responsible for any mis-spellings or grammatical errors, ramblings, weepy outpourings, offers of marriage, or any confessions which could be held against the author in a court of law.
I came up with this one night/morning while I was both sleep deprived and a bit tipsy. I thought it would help to explain things in the long run… 
Another classic:
I think you’re bad.
(Not refering to Tristan)
Here’s an adaptation of a personal favorite:
“Tristan, becuse you’re the richest man in the world, may I have just one penny?”
“No ElusiveMiser. No you may not.”
My fave source for quotes of all kind:
http://www.cco.net/~jpete/deepthou.htm
My personal favorites:
“To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there’s no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.”
“The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.”
“We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients. But we can’t scoff at them personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me.”
“If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.”
“If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is ‘God is crying.’ And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is ‘Probably because of something you did.’”