I will be 23 on May 1. My second anniversary is June 16. I have a full-time (35 hours/week) job (M-F, 9-5).
I left college after two quarters in 1999, primarily due to homesickness and depression (and a baaaaaaaadly co-dependent relationship). I am on Lexapro 10mg SID right now (and have been for a while), and it seems to be helping.
I was accepted last fall as a transfer student and intended to start classes in January. Then my husband lost his job, so I told them in a letter that I would need to wait until summer session to start. So, I called the school today for information on what I need to do to enroll, take tests, get loans, etc., and ended up signing up for it all!!! I didn’t even know that they had a summer session that starts IN A MONTH, but I go in for placement testing on Monday and orientation next Friday!!! I mean, WTF have I gotten myself into??? (Not to mention the fact that we owe $2500 to the IRS - and I just found that out today.) I’m just feeling so overwhelmed I could cry (and I’m at work!!).
As anyone who has dealt with depression knows, the irrational part of your brain is VERY hard to deal with. Right now, I am TERRIFIED of going back to college. Why? I’m afraid I’ll screw up again. I know I didn’t really screw up the first time, but that’s what has taken hold in my wittle head.
And I know that in some ways, it’s going to be HARDER this time!! My husband has been so supportive of my going back to school, and so have my friends. I’m just so freakin’ scared that I won’t be able to stand up to the stress of working, studying, being married, and helping to take care of my dad (he had surgery on his leg to repair a broken tibia from a car accident) all at the same time. Like I said, the Lexapro has been helping, but this is the most stress I’ve had to deal with in a while (other than my husband being unemployed in November).
Nope. This time, it’s easier, simply because you know in advance what it takes to fail, as well as the fact that this time around it is a much more deliberate decision by you.
I breezed through college with a B average. Things came easy to me, and I had a relatively easy major. That, and my professors knew I was pretty involved and I was well liked by them.
When I went to grad school, I had to drop out, simply because I wasn’t putting a fraction of the effort in that I needed to. Turns out, I was in the completely wrong program, and on the completely wrong path. Fast forward two years, and I’m now in a graduate program that I absolutely love and can see myself doing what I’m studying for the rest of my life. Classes are a piece of cake not because they’re not difficult, but because I’m good at it.
Find what you like and, regardless of how difficult it is, you’ll excel.
I know how you feel, as close as is possible I think. I am coping with severe depression and college and a relationship. I might add that I haven’t actually done well with any of these in the past year, but back on drugs again (Wellbutrin 400mg, Lexapro 20mg) and hopefully I will be feeling better soon.
I dropped all the classes I was enrolled for in both the fall and spring semesters due to my depression. I start back in July. I’ve signed up for a full course load in both the summer and fall…and I feel incredibly nervous about it. I am terrified of not being well enough to get through the last year of school.
It’s a big step, going back, signing up for everything. I’m glad that you have someone there to support you. If you want to talk to someone who knows how you feel about school and life and depression, send me an email. Sometimes its hard to feel like no one else can understand why even the little things can seem so impossible. Good luck next week with your tests and orientation.
Give yourself a big pat on the back for taking the first steps. It is very difficult to get motivated when you are feeling good, but during depression it is near impossible. I went in and out of college many years ago, never knowing why I couldn’t seem to connect and manage the class load. Undiagnosed bipolar will do that to you. I finally managed to make it through to graduation, and I now have a career that I love.
Your future looks bright, congratulations and best of luck. Just remember to step back and slow down if you feel overwhelmed. It is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of self-preservation.