Recently, I had a strange invitation for a date. First, some background: I’m 35 years old, and recently moved back to my very small hometown. I have lots of family here, but haven’t lived here since elementary school.
So, back to the asking out… I’m at the grocery store the other day picking up stuff for my grandmother, and one of the managers began chatting with me. Seems friendly enough, tells me about himself, mentions his wife. I relax after he mentions the wife – it’s not a pickup line. However, Mr. Manager tells me that his brother is single – don’t I want to go out with Single Brother? This might not have been an odd approach when I was a teenager, but it is odd two decades later! Needless to say, I politely declined.
Follow-up: I laughingly tell my grandmother about this one when I dropped off her groceries. Since then, G-mother sends me to that grocery store about every other day, in a weird and misguided attempt to spark my woeful social life.
Like Audrey Levins and others, I had more than my share of weird, gauche, and icky attempted pickups while I was tending bar and waiting tables. Only two ever worked. In one case, I was griping about the Don Juans to a fellow bartender who worked next door. He responded by grabbing me in a fireman’s carry and jogging out the front door with me over his shoulder – not a date, but a successful pickup!
Another evening, while working at that same bar, I was the DD for a regular late-night breakfast run after closing time. The breakfast “gang” (and I use the word advisedly) consisted of the next-door club owners – former Army Rangers, the previously-mentioned bartender – another Ranger, a regular customer and good friend – biker, and me. The guys got rowdy, and at some point, someone threw a salt shaker. Bad enough, but the shaker flew across the restaurant and hit a deputy in the head. I immediately started apologizing, collecting money to pay the bill, and herding large drunk guys to the car. After getting the guys in the car, I went inside once more to add more to the waitress’ tip, and to thank the officer again for not arresting my chum. The deputy asked if I’d like to eat with a more civilized crowd sometime, and we actually did have dinner a couple of times.
