I think the shoes off people have a different perseption of filth. Or perhaps there is more filth where they live.
I work in a government building that contains the Library, Social Services, Planning and the Building Department among other things. We get all kinds of people here. I just did a little recognizance, and the walk from my car to the building is about 100 feet. In that distance the only trash I could find was a soda straw wrapper. No gum, no cigarette butts nothing.
I just don’t see that walking across that would make my shoes dirty.
I can’t remember the last time I ever saw any one spit on the sidewalk, and litter in general is very scarce. Colorado is a very clean state.
We just don’t tolerate litterbugs. I think the minimum fine is $1000. Toss out a cigarette and you may also be fined for causing a fire danger.
But see, it wouldn’t occur to me to ask. It seriously wouldn’t. I had no idea there were people who gave a shit about this issue, except for the very few in the camp of “all our carpets are snow-white and we expect everyone to take their shoes off because we value our carpets so highly,” whom my family has always consigned to the category of “odd.” (as in “Those people are odd.”)
I would not be carefully checking my hosts’ feet to see if they had shoes on or not, because as Dangerosa already explained, the fact that they might have their own shoes off in their own house doesn’t mean it would be necessarily be approriate for me to take my shoes off. I would come into their home as they would come into mine – fully dressed – and just join the party or start the conversation or do whatever I was there to do. So it’s not that I would intentionally keep my shoes on to aggravate my hosts; it literally would not cross my mind to wonder whether I should keep them on or not. And anyone who would take that as an intentional insult to them or their home certainly is a shoe Nazi. That person should do their guests the favor of requesting that they take their shoes off, rather than sitting there simmering about the guest’s rudeness while the guest chats away, unaware that they have even given offense.
And, obviously, if you know or are told or asked to take your shoes off, you take 'em off. No problem, no tears, no offense given or taken. Personally, I wouldn’t dream of asking any guest to alter their appearance before making them welcome in my home, but then I apparently have a higher tolerance for microscopic dirt and/or less regard for my flooring than some others do. But I’m certainly not offended to be asked by others to kick my shoes off. (I don’t feel as welcome or as at home, but that’s my problem, not theirs.) So I can see both sides of it; what I honestly can’t see is the passion or angst.
When I have people over, I tend to say to them “feel free to take your shoes off if you want” because I want them to be able to make themselves comfortable. (I still can’t wrap my head around the idea that people are actually comfortable in shoes, though intellectually I know it is true for some people.) This has nothing to do with my carpets. Mind you, I’d love to have cleaner carpets, but I have an 11 year old son and he has 11 year old friends and it just ain’t gonna happen. But back to the point: a few have said that if asked to remove their shoes, they’d find an excuse to leave asap. Now would you feel that way in my house if I told you you were free to take your shoes off? I don’t tell people that I want them to take their shoes off, but would you read it that way anyway? My intent is just letting them know that it’s ok, that I don’t mind.
If you invited me to take my shoes off and I said, “I’m really more comfortable with them on,” and you said “Okay!” or even “You’re a freak, but okay!” then I wouldn’t have a problem.
If you said, “This is a shoes-off house, so shoes off, everyone!” then I’d get out asap.
I wouldn’t. If you said feel free to take them off if you want, then I’d think you meant it was up to me. I think I’d also take clues from your home – if it’s yards and yards of brand-new cream-colored burber and you said “oh, feel free to take your shoes off if you want,” then I’d assume you meant “please take your shoes off.” But if a home is comfortable, lived in, not an obvious “Showplace” (if you know what I mean), then I’d assume you were sincere and it was my choice.
Tough question. Last time I ran into this, a neighbor came over to pick up a key to our house. It was just a stop in a leave type visit. Maybe 5 minutes. He started to take of his shoes in the entry way, and I told him that there was no need to do so. “Don’t worry about the carpet”.
I assumed he was doing it to protect the carpet, not for comfort.
You’re the one having trouble grasping it if you don’t grok that people who don’t like dirt and gunk in their houses don’t count as much as people who adore their shoes so much they must wear them even if it displeases and discomfits their friends.
What I’m hearing is that if your friend hates snakes but you love and adore your snakey and are miserable without him, you’d take him to your friend’s place because your snake makes you ‘comfortable’ even though it doesn’t make your friend so.
Well, the people who don’t like dirt and gunk in their home don’t count as much to me, for this reason: If the person is standing in my home, they are my guest. They are the one who is to be made comfortable even if it discomfits me, because they are the guest. Dirt can be cleaned up, but a person who is made to feel unwelcome may feel that way for a long time.
Even if I had a “shoes-off” house, I wouldn’t ask or make people take their shoes off it it didn’t occur to them to do so. In that situation, they “count” more than I do, because they are a guest in my home.
The only house rule I’m so tight-assed about as to require guests to follow is that there is no smoking in the house, though they are welcome to use the (furnished) screened-in porch. So I can certainly understand feeling strongly enough about “house rules” to impose them on guests; I just can’t imagine feeling that strongly about footwear.
I gather from this thread that other people’s mileage varies a lot. That surprises me.
I think you guys must be talking about any shoes-off/shoes-on discussions that go on in the U.S., because what you’re talking about here now doesn’t resemble situations that actually happen in Canada at all.
Well I was talking about people who were coming over to stay a while. Someone just stopping by for a minute to pick something up, drop something off, etc, I wouldn’t suggest they take their shoes off because there would be no point. I’m talking about people who are going to come flop down on the couch for a while or whatever.
shoes off crowd - he’re a solution. pull up your carpets, they’re germ warehouses anyway (ever laid or pulled up carpet? it’s a lot heavier coming out than it is going in and that’s not because people walked on it with shoes on) and get wood floors. Sure you have to sweep more, but at least your getting the dirt/dead skin/hair up instead of rubbing it in. I personally hate carpet, but if I was at a carpeted house, my default is to keep my shoes on for the same reaosn I don’t go empty my pockets out on the dresser and take off my shirt.
(–by the way that wasn’t meant to be snarky, in case it came across that way. I was simply making the parallel that I remove my shoes for the same reason I take off my coat, gloves, etc when I enter a house. It’s just a question of how you view shoes in terms of what kind of clothing they are.)
My family (American) lived in Japan for a long time, where it is just considered polite to take off your shoes in another’s home. To this day, I feel uncomfortable clomping around in someone else’s house with shoes on, like I’m infringing on something or I’m being incredibly awkward. I know it’s irrational, but it’s just a cultural thing. I don’t insist people take off their shoes in my home, I’ll say something like “You can take off your shoes if you want” but I don’t push the issue. I might not like them having shoes on, but I deal.
I actually received a sign from my parents that read “This is an American home run Japanese style - please take off shoes” - they thought it was kind of funny, and I hang it up. I’m curious, would this make you feel uncomfortable or bother you?
