There have been times in my life when I have really been stressed and tired that I’ll see things out of the corner of my eye, but when I turn to look closer they are not there. Typically it has always been somthing I expect to see, one of my cats, a neighbor standing on a porch. I always figured it was a result of my brain just being tired and upon catching a glimpse of an object that I am not focusing on, my brain simply filled in the picture with something it expected to be there.
But today I moved onto to more serious hallucinations.
Work has not been a good place to be right now and so my stress levels are way up. When I was in the company restroom washing my hands I saw… well this is disgusting sorry… in the mirror I saw puke clinging to the wall behind me. I turned to look in disbelief that someone had actually gotten that sick. I look, nothing. I turn back. Now I see in the mirror blood on the wall behind me or perhaps it was just bright red paint. It really was too bright to be blood now that I think about it. Turn and look, nothing.
This was a first for me. And yet the truth is I’m not that concerned. I’m too tired to be concerned. In many ways I’m beyond caring anymore. It certainly is a critical time in my life. I’m at a point where I don’t like what I’m doing for a living and not sure if I should change careers entirely or just try to find a place where I could enjoy doing it again. Of course with the economy going down, there aren’t many options out there. Being insane won’t help the search any.
So I suppose I’m just curious if they’ll make me wear the straitjacket and if I’ll get internet access. I’m all for the comfy room at this point. Nice soft white walls… Well, time for bed.
From a previous speed-freak: I can’t for the life of me remember the term, but this is a real physiological phenomenon. Often experienced by people who have done too much coke/meth/crank/diet pills/whatever. I am sure it contributes to the paranoia folks who overdo the go-fast experience!
Probably something to do with adrenaline production? (WAG) If you’re not doing some sort of speed, perhaps it’s a somatic stress reaction to your unhappiness with your job or something.
Breathe deeply & relax. I doubt you’re ready for the padded room, don’t worry.
The fact that you question it suggests a modicum of sanity. The fact that you see it suggests you may want to drop in on your doctor sometime soon to get checked out.
Don’t be askin’ us. We’re all perfectly sane here, the rest of the posters be damned.
If you have the luxury of health insurance, it would be an excellent idea to schedule an appointment with a psychologist, the first visit on your own dime, the next ones on your insurance plan, if at all possible. Psychological problems, as I well know, are designated bureaucratically, so it’s important to have your analyst assign you a designation that will not render you uninsurable in the future.
I was recently told on good, expensive authority that those lucky people who have analysts prove to take less sick leave, spend less time ill, and recover from severe incidents such as heart attacks sooner and with better recovery rates. Actuaries appear to see things differently. Then again, actuaries really seem to be preoccupied with figuring out how you can die quickly and cheaply, once you’ve paid off, so fuck them.
By the way, a hallucination here and there probably isn’t such a bad thing. You might want to consider hallucinating the sex symbol of your choice or a fat pile of earned money. Those hallucinations have gotten me farther.
IANAL, but I believe the standard is that you’re officially certifiable when you can no longer function in society without being a danger to yourself or others.
If you’re seeing hallucinations, and are aware they’re hallucinations, then you’re not there yet. (Heck, some people use chemicals to get that far, just for entertainment purposes.) It’s when you stop questioning the reality of these visions and begin to act on them as if they were reality when you start straddling the line.
Then you have to take into account the nature of the hallucinations. If they’re Casper the Freindly Ghost, then you’re probably no harm. If they’re visions of God telling you to become an Axe Murderer, then that’s an altogether different case.
You also have to take into account your mental state. If you’re completely miserable due to the effects of whatever is ailing you, then it’s probably a good idea to go check yourself into an upscale mental health hospital, get some rest, make some new friends, and talk to a professional someone who can give you a better perspective, and arm you with some emotional tools to deal with it. If you have benefits at work, there’s a good chance they’ll cover this kind of hospitalization, especially if you can demonstrate that it’s due to job-induced stress. And heck, you may even run into a movie star.
Sounds to me, though, like you just need a new job. One you enjoy. There are lots of jobs out there - the economy isn’t as bad as they’re making it sound.
Mental health problems will make your life so miserable that you will care–and in a goddam hurry!!!
1)Begin a exercise program. Nothing fancy, just a 30 min. walk each day. This is the best stress management technique there is.
2)Consider a councilor or therapist. They are less expensive than you think, if you do have health insurance. If you don’t, there are free services available in most communities.
3)Always keep your resumes circulating. Even if the economy’s bad, you will eventually get lucky & land a better job. Not a perfect job, but better.
4)Consider a Headhunting Service. Send them your resume, unsolisited.(sp?) They love that. It saves them money. And they’ll do the work for you.
5)Be good to yourself. If you aren’t nobody else will be.
Carina 42 - nope, no speed, or meph, or any illegal drugs of any kind. I don’t even drink alcohol. (Maybe that’s the problem! nah) I was on prozac about 6 years ago though.
Sofa King - If I could control what I was seeing, I wouldn’t have mentioned it. And actually this was the first time it had ever been something unpleasent.
Spoofe - But what if he WAS a hamster? Isn’t it unhealthy to deny this kind of thing? I say get a big spinner wheel and let him be happy.
So, resumes are circulating and I’ll try to make an appointment with someone who might be able to offer a little help.
Today I have to deal with some rumors that have been circulating about me. Your basic office backstab who screwed what up. I’m not worried about my position on the matter since I have some good documentation and the support of other coworkers who know what really happened. But confrontations are never fun and I just hope I the accountant I have to talk to doesn’t appear to me as a giant hamster. That would be kinda distracting.
Several years ago I was working third shift in a factory, attempting to make enough dough to get into grad school. There was a period in which I was getting 3 hours of sleep per day. By the 4th day, I was hearing children playing at the other presses. I remember one moment when I saw a small pile of plastic turn into a toad and hop away.
After the shift ended, I made a beeline to Meijer’s and bought a boatload of sleep medication. Not a pleasant experience.
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“All states of psychological being are but varying degrees of madness.” - Desty Nova
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The fact that you question your sanity, as others have already said, is a good indicator that your perception of reality is more or less compatible with society at large.
Sanity is an impossibility, like normality. It’s an abstract, useful only in determining exactly how far an individual deviates from the imaginary norm. Everyone has their eccentricities(sp?).
[Hijack]
“All states of psychological being are but varying degrees of madness.” - Desty Nova
[/Hijack]
The fact that you question your sanity, as others have already said, is a good indicator that your perception of reality is more or less compatible with society at large.
Sanity is an impossibility, like normality. It’s an abstract, useful only in determining exactly how far an individual deviates from the imaginary norm. Everyone has their eccentricities(sp?).
Blackclaw, when I’m REALLY stressed, I don’t so much hallucinate while awake, but when I’m just drifting off to sleep and then usually I then have violent nightmares. So you’re not alone.
This may sound a tad on the hokey side, but my psychologist gave me this stress tape called “Letting Go Of Stress” by Emmett E. Miller. As soon as you get past the “Oh, shoot me now, I’m listening to a stress tape” its great! The soothing voice of Ole’ Em instructs you how to tense all the muscle groups one at a time and then relax them. And on the other side’s “guided imagery: a walk on the beach”, this one is hokey, but you might like it. I fully and whole heartedly recommend it.
Printed on the cassette itself is “For a Free catalog call: 1-800-52-TAPES”. I highly suggest it. Heck, its cheaper than prozac. Not that I’m saying that a tape could take the place of medicine…I’d be some kind of mess if I didn’t have paxil.
The I think my fellow ex-speedfreak has a point about the adrenaline. I’ve found that even without any drugs (coffee is a stimulant drug, remember) I get very very weird after about 30-40 hours without sleep, after the 50 hour mark it’s impossible for me to sleep without medication and I start doing things that make people give me weird looks.
The walls seem to move in waves, everything is somehow out of focus and the adrenaline is pumping, making sleep impossible (see Fight Club for excellent visual representation of this pehnomenon). Having an anxiety disorder (since you were prescribed prozac, this indicates you might have a history) can further aggrevate this and stress makes everything still worse.
In other words, don’t overdo it and get plenty of sleep.
