Whenever I hear someone mention cocaine all I think about is Cosby’s joke about it:
I said to a guy, “Tell me, what is it about cocaine that makes it so wonderful,” and he said, “Because it intensifies your personality.” I said, “Yes, but what if you’re an a**hole?”
“Just think of your secretary…”
Should’ve retired today, then you could have had a three-day weekend (rimshot).
Anyway, congratulations.
I guess that’s easier than dumping a bucket of green slime over their head…
Any time anyone says “to the station!” (or words to that effect):
I think of Tallulah Bankhead: “Cocaine isn’t habit-forming. I should know. I’ve been using it for years.”
Of course, the truth is a bit murkier: Cocaine Isn’t Habit-Forming. I Should Know. I’ve Been Using It for Years – Quote Investigator®
Did someone say “green slime?”
I grew up without cable so that never occurred to me.
Whenever there’s an announcement saying “Emergency,” I immediately think “Everybody to get from street.”
VERY politically incorrect, but whenever someone asks if anyone has a joke, I always mentally think:
“So 2 [gay men] was fucking an alligator in the back of a bus…”
-Buddy Hackett on his HBO comedy special WAAAAAY back in the day.
Man, I LOVE that. I used to have it memorized when I was a kid, I thought it was so cool.
When someone says, I forgot what I was going to say, my mind wants me to blurt out, “Well, it must not have been very important!”. Harkening back to the old Steve Martin routine.
Oh now I remember… I’m radio-active.
I use that one a lot myself.
Also, from the Steve Martin movie “The Man with Two Brains”: somebody says to his character “You can’t play God!” And he responds “SOMEbody has to!” So, if for example I’m emptying the dishwasher, and my wife says “You didn’t have to do that”… SOMEbody has to!
A post about Texas suggesting that slavery should be called ‘involuntary relocation’ reminded me of this:
Er, let’s make the semantics more palatable. (In an era of garbage collectors who are Sanitation Disposal Engineers, truck drivers who are Transportation Facilitation Executives, and janitors who are Housing Maintenance Overseers, a spade is seldom a spade. Black Panthers please note.) Norman Mogart was an Entertainment Liaison Agent.
Pfui. Norman was a pimp.
- Harlan Ellison, ‘The Place With No Name’ (1969)