Going to my Moms for Christmas. It’s 100 miles away so we have a little drive in front of us. Do it about once a month.
My Dad (they are divorced but cordial) lives in the same city (Denver) and is going too.
Dad doesn’t drive too much. He has 10,000 miles on a 14 year old truck. He does fine going back and forth to the grocery store, but that’s pretty much all he does.
Eh, driving to my Moms? In heavy inter-city traffic? Umm, not a good idea. I have serious doubts if he can even find the house.
I didn’t say that outright, but suggest that I pick him up on the way. I can latter drop him off home.
What I did not know is that my Mom already told him he should not drive.
My brother has driven with him more than me. He states “He doesn’t drive, he goes on vacation. He doesn’t pay attention at all”.
Hoo boy. I, at 47 years old got yelled at over the phone by my 79 yo father for about 5 minutes. Yelled at about what a good driver he is. I managed to keep my cool, explained that it’s no problem to pick him up, parking is tough, the city has changed, and so on.
He usually misses these get togethers anyway. My Wife thinks he’s just setting up an excuse in case he does not want to come.
So is he going to let you pick him up? Heck, pick him up anyway. Tell him you had an errand in his neighborhood or something.
You have my sympathy.
A friend’s mother continued driving after having some small strokes. A couple winters ago, she decided to go to the grocery store, about ten miles away. She ended up in a ditch, 50 miles in the other direction, and wasn’t found until the next morning. (She survived.) My friend took her keys.
If the brother that rode with him knows for sure he is bad, then pull his keys and take the car. Anything else is irresponsible and dangerous to others.
He may cut you out of the will and hate you forever, but love is like that sometimes.
Too tough for you, make an official complaint or have a stranger do it so the government can force him off the road.
Been there done that with my Mom, Dad grounded himself but after he passed Mom would not give up until all her 7 kids forced it… Not fun… But had to be done.
Really? He was found to have no alcohol or psychiatric medications in his system… Weller drove his 1992 Buick LeSabre “at least at a moderate rate of speed” for three blocks along the market street, which was filled with pedestrians, “striking dozens of people.” The car stopped only after a pedestrian was thrown into the air and landed on the windshield of the vehicle, Butts said.
But seriously, you don’t know any non-elderly people who shouldn’t be driving? My best friend (age 44) thinks she needs to stop and wait for a mile of open road before she gets on the freeway. My daughter’s boyfriend refuses to watch the road and has spent more time on the shoulder than on the pavement. A neighbor (in her 50’s) sets her cruise control for 5 miles under the speed limit when she’s on the interstate.
There are all kinds of impairment when it comes to drivers.
When my dad was living in Oshawa, I would come out from Toronto on the train and visit him. One day we drove to the mall, and he wove all over the road. I said, “Never again. I am treating you to cab rides if we want to go somewhere, or driving you myself.”
His driving got worse and eventually my best friend and I had to sneakily disable his car; we pulled a fuse and left it with the apartment super so they could put it back in if they needed to move the car. The car was in quite good condition too; Dad was in the navy and always kept his stuff organised.
I felt really bad about it. I’d talked with my sister and my aunt (his sister) and they were all behind me on it, but that didn’t make it any more fun.
Not long after that, his doctor sent a letter to the Ministry of Transportation, and they took away his driving license.
Does anyone know if there is a similar process available in any of the U.S. states? I’ve read that AARP has been lobbying state legislatures to prevent them from requiring elderly drivers to pass periodic checks of their driving ability.
My parents are in their late 70s, and several years ago, over a Thanksgiving dinner, I told them both that the day might come when I’d take away their keys. My dad’s driving is at the point of annoying, and the other day I happened to be riding with him when he cut off a car that he hadn’t even seen coming up behind him on the left. But it was the kind of mistake anyone could make. (I think.)
I think it’s important for elderly folks to understand that if their abilities and reaction times decline to the point that they’re unsafe drivers, they may not recognize the fact, but they will be hazards to themselves and others. Their children or other loved ones should prepare them for this eventuality, but also plan for other transportation arrangements: driving them around themselves, calling cabs, driving services, etc. It may be less convenient for all concerned, but that’s the price for keeping a loved one safe.
My own parents. ‘In laws’ if the SO asks me to help stop them. I am not a policeman. I will call the police on you and yours if they are endangering me or mine.
Also my kids and grandkids because there is a degree of responsibility.
And yes, I’ll " * " up the highway patrol if I see a drunk driver.
I am very glad that my mother does not drive anymore. She hung up the keys many years ago.
The last time she drove she was pulled over for making a left turn right as the light changed to red. She should have waited but made the turn anyway. Our street was about 200 feet from the turn so when he turned on his light and she pulled over she was about four houses down from were we lived. I think that is one reason she did not get a ticket. She also had no insurance on the car and if I am remembering right I don’t think her license was even valid anymore. So the cop was being extra nice that day.
She had my daughter with her who was five or six at the time so I think was another reason the cop let her off. She only drove a block away to McDonalds but after that she never drove again.
There are times it is a pain. I have to take her shopping or I have to do her shopping for her which is what I do 99% of the time. Even shopping is hard for her to do. She can’t walk long distances.
It has become a little easier now because my daughter drives and she can also do some shopping for her or take her to the store so the burden is not all on me anymore.
I am very glad she no longer drives. She was scary enough when she was physically capable.
Yeah, it’s a tough call. I do think he is fine just driving to the grocery store. I think more than anything, he does not want to commit to coming. He does that a lot. It really seems like he wants to come, but in the end, he always ‘gets’ a cold or did not get enough sleep. If I pick him up, it’s harder for him to back out.
As a side note. My MIL is still driving. She did get really really bad. One time I had to stop her from backing up an exit ramp to get back on the highway(it was 5am, but nooooo. No.no. NO. :eek: ) Sheesssss.
She took a class for elderly drivers. Amazing. She is much better now. I will have to look into that for my father. Though I suspect he would be too stubborn to go.
