IANAL, but I’m told that a will is not a good place for this sort of thing. They tend to not be read until well after the burial is a done deed. And then you may look down from your cloud and see a lot of :eek::eek: or :(
faces.
My thought is that if you want this sort of direction to be followed, pick a funeral home now, do the pre-planning, and give the funeral director a list of black-out dates. You may have to update that now and then as the family grows, too.
Perhaps I’m totally thick here, but what does “…we went for a drive…” have to do with having premarital sex? 
Ditto on putting anything about your funeral in your will. No one will look at the will until after you’re buried.
The worst? I know you put it in quotes, but c’mon…
ThelmaLou checks calendar… yup, it’s 2010, not 1910…
BTW, is your name from the John Wayne character in Rio Bravo? That was what the Angie Dickinson character called him. That was my late husband’s FAVORITE movie. He thought Angie was the sexiest thing ever… especially the way she said, “John T!” Heheh. Had to watch it every time it came on! I haven’t been able to watch even one minute of it since he died. If the name is not from there… never mind.
ETA: Leaffan, it’s not the drive part, it’s the “…” part, i.e., what she left OUT of the narrative. John is filling in the blanks (the “…” blanks).
What’s this toothpick of which you speak??? ‘I have never…’ is a DRINKING game 
I’ve told this here before…as my grandfather got older, like many people, he began to loose the filters that people have. He is sitting around one day reminiscing.
“Ah, the Minnehaha Motel. You know the reason I married your mother was because I took her there are our first date and I couldn’t get it up. So I figured this was a sign from God that this was a nice girl and if I was going to have sex with her, I’d have to marry her.”
My grandmother was divorced, with a six year old when they got married - she was also 21. And she was the type of “nice girl” who went to first dates at motels.
Then again, my grandfather was the type of guy who took girls on first dates to motels.
LOL! This sounds like my ex-wife’s second marriage. She got engaged on a Friday and married the following Friday. She later announces that she is pregnant…must have been a honeymoon baby. Later on she tells me that her OB-Gyn warned her to not be surprised if the baby comes early. 7 1/2 months after she got married she delivered a 9 pound, 6 week premie!
You would have thought that you could be more honest to someone you were married to for 14 years.
This was no surprise as before they got married, my then 8 year old son, told me that when he woke up on Christmas morning, he first woke up mom and her friend in her bed before opening presents. A month later mom’s friend became my son’s stepdad.
That’s what I thought. This wasn’t a 6 months after wedding baby.
Heh - my husband is also a 10 pound “preemie.” At least his family has never made any pretensions about it, and the “preemie” part is a family joke. A year or so ago his parents celebrated their 40th anniversary - they were taking a picture afterwards of all the people who had been at the wedding 40 years ago. I jokingly mentioned that my husband should get in the shot, too, and there was much laughter at the suggestion.
That is a great line!
See, I read this and assumed they were surprised because everyone expected the couple’s first baby to be “premature” (perhaps the wedding was rather hasty, or they assumed that the couple was already having sex). Instead the baby appeared to have been conceived after the wedding.
I remember looking at my parents wedding pictures, June, 1950
Then looking at a copy of their marriage certificate, April, 1950
Then looking at a copy of my eldest brother birth certificate, March 1951
The dates didn’t quite jive.
My mother explained:
They eloped because her mother didn’t want her to marry before she was 18 and my father didn’t want to wait. And good girls waited til they got married.
Not quite on-topic, but I was SHOCKED to discover the reason my parents sent me to summercamp, was not for me to have a good time.
My kids went to grandmas for the weekend - and they are at summercamp the same week in August.
A good friend of mine’s parents got married when his mom was 18 and dad was 21.
His general line is “My parents got married in June and I was born in early January. You do the math.”
They’re still together and had two more kids–his younger sister was born when he was a junior in high school! (She’s graduating this year…makes me feel old.)
Don’t look at me, it’s not my family freaking out 'cause a baby was born 9m4d after the wedding. 
And, no, my name is not from a film. It’s just my first name, last initial.
My grandfather and grandmother were married significantly less than nine months prior to my eldest aunt’s birth in 1902. They had a total of 12 children and were solid and active members of their community. I’m sure people talked, and I gather my eldest aunt preferred not to have it known (I only found out in the past five years or so, well past her death at the age of 95), but it certainly didn’t stigmatize the family to any great degree.
“Went for a drive” used to be a common euphuism for petting or “went and parked to have to have sex in the car”.
“Watching the submarine races” was the one I remember from watching Happy Days.
My (maternal, Catholic) grandparents probably got tongues wagging because of the lack of kids - 2. In a pattern that smelled of birth control, the first came 6 years after their wedding, the second one 2 years later, and though she was just 22 when their second kid was born, they never had any more. :dubious:
I used to wonder about this all the time (my grandmother was very religious), until I was their age and realized of course they practiced birth control. She was a converted Catholic, but barely so. She once made a comment about how my sisters were lucky they have the pill, but I largely tried to brain bleach it as it meant I was talking sex with Grammy! :eek:
They eloped when he was 16 and she was 14. Contrary to stereotype, they had to leave West Virginia to get married in Ohio because the laws were stricter in WV.
As the mother of an ACTUAL preemie, people are always mentioning to me that they were similarly premature - it’s not uncommon for people to claim they were born at 5 months of pregnancy, weighing “only” 7 pounds or somesuch…30+ years ago.
Uh-huh*. Glad that worked out for you. Have a nice day!
I’ve never read or heard my parents “…”, but I did do the math once. Late November birthday, two weeks late, minus 40 weeks = Valentine’s Day! I guess Dad remembered to bring home the flowers.
*Surfactant wasn’t invented to make it possible for very preemies lungs to keep expanding with air until the 1980’s. If you’re over 30, you weren’t born before 7 months, period. And most of those 7 monther’s mama’s were probably lying, as well.
Arrgh, thanks to you I now have the image stuck in my mind of Meryl Streep trying to sing and dance, while wearing bib overalls.