OMG!!!!! Its a coat hanger!!!!! Run!!!!!!!!

The BBQ Pit
1

Last night, me and my buddy are out to get a bite to eat, and just before we pull into a parking spot (he’s driving), he looks and sees something lying on the ground, in the exact center of the parking space.
“What’s that?” he asks squinting.

“Its a couple of coat hangers. Jeeze, man, get your eyes checked.” say I.

“I’d better not risk it.” he says quickly turning the car and driving around the lot looking for another spot.

Great jumping Jesus in a G-String!!! There’s no way those coat hangers are going to do any damage to your car! They’re in the very center of the parking space!!! Your tires aren’t going to come in contact with them, and they’re laying flat on the ground, so there’s no danger that they might somehow get tangled up on the underside of your car! Unless, of course, they’re ALIVE!!! In which case, we’d better be careful!!! They could do something like gnaw through the brake lines and cause us to have an accident! Or worse, gnaw through the fuel lines and set your car ablaze, thereby destroying every other car in the lot when it explodes! Oooh, do you suppose they’ll attack your car and leave vampire-like marks in your “dent resistant” doors? I’m scared!!! Mommie!!!

Jesus, dude, get a grip! Seriously! I mean, you complain that you’re a worrier, and rather than doing something bold like saying, “Screw it.” and taking that space, when any fool could see that nothing’ll happen to your car, you opt to have a panic attack and drive all over the lot looking for another spot. When I say you’re being foolish, you accuse me of having “issues.” Uh, yeah. I’ve got issues, pal. I’ve got lots of issues with someone who’s afraid of coat hangers.

Oh, but wait, it gets better. After dinner, I scribble my name and number on the napkin because I think the waitress is cute and has brains, and you have a problem with it!!! Why? Because she probably won’t call me!!! Oh, God, no! Not that! Nevermind the fact that she definately won’t call me if I don’t leave my number! Of course, you, OTH, have all the luck with the ladies. Let’s see here, I believe we agreed that your idea of foreplay was punching your PIN number into the ATM ('cause you only want to pay the hookers cash)!!! And the last chick you showed me that you thought was cute, looked like Robin Williams as Popeye!!!

Of course, you know where this is going. The next time we talk, you’re going to ask me if the waitress called, and I’m going to have to tell you that she called me on her cell as she was leaving the next night and was killed by a coat hanger!!! Grrrr.

2

Tucker, sounds like you need to a new dinner companion.
This guy sounds so uptight that if ya put a lump of coal up his ass in a week you could pull out a diamond.
And I just hate people who whine about never going out on dates and then are never willing to have a conversation/give their number to/take a chance on someone that they find attractive. It donesn’t matter if she calls or not, what matters is that you put yourself out there, good for you.
I gave my # to a guy in a bar and guess what, five years later we were married.
What’s the old saying? You’ve got to me in it to win it?!?
Tell this “friend” to loosen up or take a hike.

3

No doubt I need more friends, gadgetgirl, but sadly, people who can appreciate many of the same things I do are sorely lacking in this area. (I’m in TN and there’s like 4 other Dopers in the entire state, so I’m not totally loonie.) As for sticking a lump of coal up his ass, I’ve been told by some of our gay friends that he probably needs a good, hard dick shoved up his ass, assuming, of course, you could get his sphincter pried open wide enough to allow such a thing. No doubt, something would help him. He has mellowed since he got laid (it only took him 26 years, but that’s another story).

4

Hookers take checks in your area???

5

Yeah, the ones at the “massage parlors” do, or so I’m told. You can also pay by credit card at those places from what he says. He never does that though. Just pays cash. Guess he’s afraid his mommie will see his statement.

6

Your exclamation point to sentence ratio is more than 0.5. Time for you to start drinking decaff.

7

Actually, I should probably cut back on the scotch before I post. :smiley:

8

Not to get off on a complete hijack here, but I am starting to get tired of this line as well. I am out there, talking to people, initiating conversations, asking people out and what have I gotten? nothing. Oh there is the waitress with the boyfriend and the crack habit (run away), and the woman who is still married, (run marginally faster) and the one who looked at me, took the flowers, and closed the door, and the…feh you get the picture.
I am getting so tired of getting shot down, the waitress is starting to look good and that is a serious wake up call for me.

You know, it does matter, I would love to take back the last few months worth of rejection and replace them with the naive optimism I had before…that was much easier to live with.

9

A serious inquiry, but don’t they in some places? I thought I heard that Jerry Springer got busted for paying a hooker with a personal check while he was elected to public office. Or is this a UL?

10

Jerry Springer held public office?

People really do get the politicians they deserve, don’t they?

11

The hooker made an exception for the Mayor of Cincinatti…I don’t think she was in the habit of taking checks…

12

I thought I’d share with you the irony I just noticed in a thread about hangers getting hijacked into a thread about hookers.

Oho.

pan

13

Tuckerfan, maybe the guy has a reason for his dumbass behavior. Could be he was traumatized by a bitter mother who threatened him with retroactive abortion all through his childhood? Coat hangers would tend to chill his blood.

14

Hookers in Amsterdam take cash in almost any currecny, bank checks, and every damn credit card on the planet. It’s all about professionalism, lads. :wink:

reprise: Jerry Springer used to be the mayor of Cincinnatti, if I’m informed correctly.

15

OK, Coldy, what’s their preferred method of payment?
:stuck_out_tongue:

While we’re at it, do you get a volume discount? Preferred customer status? “Most favored nation” treatment? :wink:

16

Respectively: cash, although they DO pay taxes. It’s a semi-legal profession here, after all. Volume discount? I’m sure you can work something out if your entire tour bus wants to have a go. “Most favoured nation”? Americans, probably. They visit 20 European countries in three weeks, so they’re bound to forget all the exchange rates. :smiley:

17

“you do as chapmen do,
Dispraise the thing
that you desire to buy”
–Troilus and Cressida, Act 4, Scene i

18

The “massage parlors” in Japan will also accept credit cards (checks are non-existant). In fact, you’re far more likely to get your credit card turned down by a restaurant than by a hooker.

Some professions have joined the modern age sooner than others.

–sublight.