Omnibus Religious Fucks in the NEWS

I felt this needed it’s own thread.

This is for news items about Priests, Nuns, Pastors, Rabbis, and Shaman in the news caught doing shit that their religions say is forbidden. And to complain about the comparatively light sentences.

First Up:

Prosecutors recommend a 24-month prison sentence, three years of supervised release, and restitution.

Kreuper acknowledged that for a period of 10 years ending in September 2018, she embezzled $835,339 from St. James Catholic School. As principal — a position she had for nearly 30 years before she retired — Kreuper was responsible for the money the school received to pay for tuition and fees, as well as for charitable donations, according to documents filed in Los Angeles federal court.

And to compound the sin:

When an audit threatened to expose the scheme, Kreuper instructed St. James employees to destroy documents.

Which I believe would bearing false witness and demanding that underlings do the same.

2 years my bleeding ass.

You’ll have to go to the rectory for that.

I saw a preacher man in cuffs
He’d taken money from the church
He’d stuffed his bank account with righteous dollar bills
But even still I can’t say much
Because I know we’re all the same
Oh yes, we all seek out to satisfy those thrills

Huh. I always thought of Saint James as being in Redondo Beach.

Since it was a gambling habit, one presumes the money is mostly gone. Where is a nun going to get over $800K for restitution? Maybe she can crowd-fund it.

Bake sale, maybe.

I’d advise against holding a bingo tournament.

I apologize in advance for a joke in poor taste.

A priest is walking through town at his new parish when a hooker approaches him.
“Blowjobs for $20 if you’re interested”.
Confused by this he smiles, blesses her and goes back to the church.
He sees one of the nuns and asks her, “Sister, what’s a blowjob?”
She replies, “$20. Same as in town”.

pray for more luck at the casino next time.

Definitely in keeping with the thread title, at least.

Inflation affects jokes, too.

It was ten bucks when I first heard it. (And it was the more ambiguous “quickie” that costs the “same as downtown.”)

How about a Pope emeritus, who as an archbishop covered up sexual abuse of minors in at least four cases and reinstated abusive priests into different parishes, got caught in a shameless lie about having attended a crucial meeting where one of these cases had been discussed, explains away this blatant lie as an editing error, argues that cases of exhibitionism are really no abuse at all and that priests didn’t commit their crimes as clergy, but as private citizens? Well, that makes for a religious fuck, doesn’t it?. I’m stunned that nothing of this has made big headlines in the international news yet, in Germany it created an earthquake for the Church that’s still going on:

Sorry, I just became aware that the New York Times article is paywalled, so here’s a free link.

I heard the punchline as “$20. But since you’re my boss and all, I’ll only charge you $10 for the first one."

Didn’t she marry Dick Ebersol?

For all the saints in the Church, you’d think there would be more diversity in church patron saints:

St James Church
415 Vincent St, Redondo Beach, CA 90277

St James Church
4625 Garnet St, Torrance, CA 90503

Per Google Maps, only 5 minutes apart, also.

IOKWAPDI.

Judge:

How do you plea

Nun:

First amendment - It was part of my habit

Sorry, I don’t know what that means, and google gives me zero hits.

It’s Okay When A Priest Does It. I assume.

I assume the same and would add that it’s a variation on the more widely used IOKIARDI (it’s ok when a Republican does it).