A convicted arsonist has been named the fire chief of a district in Illinois. Ten of the 13 firefighters quit on the spot.
“Board members say they have good reasons for making the change but they have not made those reasons public.”
It’s like you can see them making air quotes.
Sounds like something out of a Terry Pratchett novel. That would be The Guild of Arsonists.
“Nice town here. Shame if something happened to it.”
In other news, the fox has accepted the coveted leadership role in the hen house oversight.
The fox was quoted as saying, “I look forward to working closely with the hens, and both developing and nurturing a mutually-beneficial long-term relationship.”
After which, the fox loudly belched.
“I’m really fired up about this position!”
Does it feel fiery tonight?
Sure, Elon Musk can sometimes be /Merklin Muffley/ a little…funny, in the head /MF/, but he might’ve outdone himself here (or someone from the design team; regardless, EM’s final stamp of approval would have to go on it, I’d imagine) with the killer awesome new “Passenger Play” car video game.
Rad.
Goodness grief! What’ll they come up with next?!?!
Best not consult Mr. PJ O’Rourke.
Minesweeper, but when you hit the wrong square, your car explodes.
Here, it’s not the news but those reporting the news. I understand that I may be the only one who is bothered by this kind of thing.
First, the guy did not solve any mystery. He just found human remains. Lots of mystery left.
Police said that though they had yet to determine a cause of death, it did not seem that Koenig had died by any trauma or foul play.
It did not seem. That is a far cry from a determination. Still could be foul play.
“He was not shot, stabbed, no broken bones of any sort,” Tracy Koenig wrote to the Facebook group on Monday. “He wasn’t robbed, as his tattered wallet was still in tact as well as the two silver necklaces he always wor[e] amongst some other things. All the rumors were FALSE! Nobody killed Dave. Nobody!
Totally unfounded. Lots of people have been shot and\or stabbed without any damage to bones. He may have died from natural causes. He could also have died from suicide or homicide.
Your last quote was from the mother, not a reporter, and was noted as such in the article.
“Upon arrival, it was determined that the female suspect allegedly became irate after being refused service by store management and began to act disorderly,” said an Arlington County Police Department crime report today. “The suspect allegedly struck the employee with a plastic toy firearm, knocked a tablet out of his hands and kicked it across the store, then stole a cell phone and accessories from them.”
The incident was classified as a robbery due to the items that were allegedly taken by force.
That location requires masks; I’m guessing she wasn’t wearing one.
Can Amazon Alexa be a stuipd MFer? Certainly a sadist. Alexa allegedly told a kid to see what happens when a coin, to be held by kid, touches live electric conductors.
“Amazon has updated its Alexa voice assistant after it “challenged” a 10-year-old girl to touch a coin to the prongs of a half-inserted plug.
The suggestion came after the girl asked Alexa for a “challenge to do”.
“Plug in a phone charger about halfway into a wall outlet, then touch a penny to the exposed prongs,” the smart speaker said.
Amazon said it fixed the error as soon as the company became aware of it.”
Fuckin’ A Amazon!
Thank you, Jeff Bezos, for culling the herd.
I bet some dimbulb adults got caught with that “challenge”.
Ok, Amazon had to “fix” that one, but that leaves a couple hundred “Are you dumb enough to do THIS…?” ideas still in Alexa’s “Darwinesque Databanks”.
Battle of the tech giants. Bezos is trying to fry the circuits on Gates’ microchips.
I mean, it was a 10 year old kid. (Who didn’t do it.) But like, does Darwin enter the scenario with a 10 year old?
Yes, but they decided to include it in the article.
The article doesn’t identify the suspect but I wouldn’t be surprised if her first name starts with a K.
It took me a minute to get that. 
That doesn’t make it reportage of the event, that only makes it reportage of what she said. Surely you can see the difference between using the quote of a mother to show her reaction, and using someone’s quote as evidence of what happened?