Omnibus Stupid MFers in the news thread (Part 1)

Bet it was a hell of a picture though.

Are those the ones that add “professional driver, do not attempt” to the parts where the SUV is driving around a corner, but nothing to the parts where it’s parked 2ft from a 1000ft cliff?

I’ve seen “professional driver - do not attempt” when the car i driving at a normal speed on a public road.

I also saw one recently where a guy does a spit-take, and the caption reads “simulated spit - do not attempt”. I’m not entirely convinced that was not serious.

Sometime in the 80’s there was a show called something like “That’s Incredible!” which featured films of strange and unusual things. One episode had a parody of “cars driving up a ramp and jumping over things” where a man drove a tank up a ramp and (obviously) instead of jumping over a line of cars just rolled over and crushed them. There was a caption, “Do not attempt to do this with your own tank”.

That explains why Americans are such shitty drivers.

I can also believe this was not a joke, but suggested by their legal team. You just know some idiot will choke to death, and someone will try to hold them liable.

I brought a bouquet of flowers from Costco to dinner on Christmas Day and was amused at the label, “Not for human or animal consumption” on the cellophane wrapper. So I’m wondering just what triggered the need to add that label.

I looked down at the bag I was handed by a high-school-age checker. And asked “Excuse me, this says ‘This Bag Is Not A Toy!’. Do you have any that are a toy?”

And she started to look through the bag dispenser!

Are you sure? Maybe she was looking for a gun.

“Honey, where do we keep all the plastic bags?”

“In the babies crib, silly, where we always keep them!”

Some flowers are edible by humans. And in general all flowers are edible by something, at least if they’re not plastic: that’s how ecologies work.

Some humans may well know that some flowers are edible, but may not know that some others are poisonous to humans, or possibly to their rabbit (I have no idea what’s poisonous to rabbits). And it’s also possible that the flowers are of edible species, but have been sprayed with something either while growing or post-harvest that makes it a bad idea to eat them.

Having said that: I do think they’re leaning over backwards. But then there’s this:
https://www.blumaflowerfarm.com/bluma-shop/p/edible-bouquet

The reason it’s specified the bag is not a toy is because it’s a baby carrier. Why else would they put handles in the things?

The bag could say, “This bag is not a toy, but your baby may as well be after it plays with it.”

Or is that too dark?

Not at all. Most plastic bags are translucent.

Not tiny little body bags.

TIL that babies have handles.

Easier to use them for curling that way.

But parents, be sure baby is well-bundled, with knee and elbows covered. Many curling rinks insist on a Scottish tartan, preferably from the Skip’s clan. Check with your local club.

Kent Brockman: If you have the fever, there’s only one cure. Take two tickets and see the game Sunday morning.

[ Announcer] Warning: Tickets should not be taken internally.

Homer Simpson: See? Because of me, now they have a warning.

And handy fontanelles mean you can carry several like a six pack.

Warnings have become so ubiquitous that they have become “background noise” to be ignored, and subject of ridicule. Good gravy, is there ANYTHING that doesn’t come with a warning referring to the state of California? Some of the instructions - likewise.

I had a bottle of catsup with a label “Directions: Put on food.” Printed in large enough type that it was obviously a joke.

(On second thought, maybe not a joke. The “home hints” columns have thing like using catsup and salt to clean copper pots…)