Omnibus Stupid MFers in the news thread (Part 2)

I saw a Gila monster in the wild once. It certainly looked like I could just walk over and pick it up while it was dozing in the sun and it was stunningly beautiful, pictures don’t do the shimmering scales justice.

So I could see why someone would try to handle one.

As long as they lived under a rock and didn’t know that Gila Monsters are endangered and federally protected as well as being super dangerous. Their venom is pretty fatal and when they bite, they do not let go.

Not to mention that if you fuck around with one out this way, you are going to piss off the locals…many of whom play banjos.

What happened to the mouse? Seriously, though, it makes me itch, too.

It’s a really weird death. As the article says, generally not much venom is injected into the wound. Gila monsters don’t have fangs like snakes do, but grooved teeth in the lower jaw. Of more concern is that they grind that jaw to work the venom in deeper not only making for a grievous wound but likely infected – they don’t brush their teeth.

So, the lesson to be learned here is to make sure your Gila Monster brushes and flosses?

“De-toothing Gila monsters” sounds like it has potential for a 1,000-post flame war.

That’s what responsible Gila owners do.

“Don’t be silly-a, detooth your Gil-a”?

I got here as fast as I could. :grin:

Let’s not get carried away. from Wiki: “Prior to this incident, no reports of fatalities had been confirmed after 1930”. Dangerous, yes, protected, si. Fatal, rarely. Feels like you’re going to die after being bit? Absolutely!

Modern veterinary science can heal a monster.

However it can do nothing for a truly awful pun.

You should be ashamed. 10 demerits and go to your room! :wink:

I absolutely should be…

If I had had come up with that one, I’d be strutting

The Komodo dragon is the world’s largest living lizard. It’s a ferocious carnivore. It’s found on the steep-sloped island of Komodo in the lesser Sunda Chain of the Indonesian Archipelago and the nearby islands of Rinja, Padar, and Flores.

In my experience, they’re very disagreeable pets. Plus, he ate one of the cats.

Where do they come from?

When a Daddy Komodo dragon loves a Mommy Komodo dragon…

That doesn’t rhyme.

1 Komodo Dragon = 50 Gila Monsters by mass.

Who would win in a fight to the death?

This is nowhere near the worst aggressive pet lizard incident, which occurred in Delaware in 2002.

If you’re concerned about clicking on the link, this excerpt gives the, um, flavor of the story.

Neighbour Jeff Wildonger, now aged 38, told The Sun Online: “If he didn’t have those lizards there he’d be alive today, there’s no doubt.”

Meh. If it hadn’t have been seven six-foot-long monitor lizards, then it would’ve been 150 budgerigars.