I really feel good about things tonight. For the first time ever in my life, I feel okay about being single. When I was younger, I DESPERATELY wanted to be in a relationship. I am certain that this was one of the key flaws that led to my last relationship ending (in the sense I ignored major red flags). Right now I’m really enjoying getting to know myself again. I forgot how many things I sacrificed in my last relationship. I’m exercising and eating healthy again (I’ve now lost almost 16 pounds). I’m getting excited about traveling again. I’m happy enough to sing out loud and turn up my music as well (she didn’t like noise). These things I could not do before because my previous girlfriend did not like it. I’m also eating out at cool restaurants, which I could not due with my previous girlfriend due to her health issues.
Today was a really great accomplishment. I’ve socialized all day, but I could not find anyone to go out with this evening. So I decided that I didn’t need anyone else to go out and have fun. I went out to a coffee shop by myself and enjoyed a good book and tea. I feel great about this. I’ve finally discovered how to be happy without a significant other. I’ve taken charge of my own happiness, and I know that even if I never meet “the one”, I can still be just as happy as anyone else.
That being said, I’m still hoping to meet the right person someday, but no matter what happens, I can be happy doing my own thing. Life is what you make of it.
That’s great to hear. If you can’t be happy with yourself, it’s not likely you’d be happy with anyone else. And while I’m very happy with my family, having time to oneself and being able to choose what to do with that time sounds like heaven! Congratulations on being able to enjoy what you have when you have it!
If you ever start doubting yourself, I’ll tell you the stories of the oh-so-fun times my 74-year old dad is having trying to online date. You’ll be HAPPY to not be looking!
It’s horrifying, isn’t it, what we’ll do to ourselves in pursuit of something we want that badly? I remember a breakup when I was 27, and how all of a sudden, I could take care of myself again. I wasn’t constantly battling not only my boyfriend’s depression, but his emotional negligence and sometimes outright emotional abuse. Once I got past the initial pain of the breakup, I had three times the energy and time to do my own stuff, and my own stuff was so much more healthy than his stuff was.
You are in The Single Zone. I remember how exciting it was to go back into it after I’d finished mopeing about breakups. You are really in touch with yourself and what YOU want to do. It’s a great feeling.
If you fill your life with enough awesome, (only to you, need it be; entertaining, challenging, amusing!), you don’t notice the lack of a partner.
In my experience, once you do so, potential partners are attracted, in part, by all the awesome, but mostly, by how comfortable you are with yourself.
The universe seems very sensitive to whether you’re truly ‘committed’ to your own life, or just doing time waiting, for some ‘other’ to make it full, it seems to me!
Congratulations on learning one of life’s most important lessons!
There is an old saying, “If you don’t love yourself, how can you expect someone to love you?”
It sounds like you are on the path for self appreciation - good for you!
And from experience, love often finds you at unexpected moments, in unlikely situations - so who knows who is out there, waiting to meet the “new you”?
After you’ve hit this point, the ups should start outnumbering the downs. That said, remember that this is still a process, and there will still be better times and worse times. Those bad times should start tapering off in both frequency and intensity, but they probably won’t be entirely over just yet.
If you hit another down, don’t think that you’ve lost your progress or that something new is wrong. It’s natural to be a bit of a roller coaster. Just remember that it is all the process, and it will get better as long as you work through your feelings.
I think before I met her I was about 80% of the way to this realization. I still felt I “needed” someone to close the deal. I now know that’s not true, and really a relationship is more of a bonus than anything else. I think she had the same issue which probably led us to becoming more dependent on each other than was healthy (I think though she let herself go more in this regard than me).
The sitting in a coffee joint with a cup and a book sounds wonderful… [pencils it in for Saturday night…“Ooh, sorry, I’m booked up this weekend, maybe next?”]
Sometimes being freed from a relationship is such a huge relief you can’t help but feel euphoria. Even long-married couples need some space, when my SO used to go on a hunting trip for a week leaving me alone, I was giddy with joy. You’ll find yourself in another good relationship, but till then, enjoy YOU.
You’ll be HAPPY to not be looking!