On-Line Dating, Cont'd... Part II

In My Humble Opinion
41

The Slow Dancer

FWIW, I wasn’t feeling well over Christmas, so I had plenty of time to spend online–so I decided to take the personality test yet again and answer a bunch more of the user-matching questions. This time I skewed it a little differently (because I’m such a complex being, natch), and ended up as The Slow Dancer (i.e., nice but kinda boring). I still think the description for The Wild Rose fits me best, though.

And, if anything, I’m even less thrilled about the questions used for matching, and how they’re used to label your personality traits. For example, in the space of thirty-or-so questions, I went from being listed as “More mathematical”, “More literary”, “More indie”, and “More independent” to just being listed as “More old-fashioned” :confused:

Here’s my current profile, in case you’re curious. The actual personality traits that are listed appear to vary from day to day, presumably according to how the answers provided by other users skew the values for the population.

42

The hamsters, they toy with me! I dunno how the first link (above the quote) got put in there.

43

When I just looked at your profile, it said a lot more than that! I hate the way it changes, too. At first, all it said about me was that I was hornier. Now it says I am less aggressive, more mathematical, and something else really boring. Oh well. (I sent you a message through there just to say hello. :))

44

(Part of me thinks I should probably just let this thread die, but I like hearing how everyone is doing! The next time it dies I promise to let go graciously. :))

I’ve moved on to Bachelor #2, and we’ve been exchanging messages/e-mail for 5-6 days. He seems to want to wait a little while before talking or meeting (he calls himself cautious and shy), and for now that’s ok with me. I don’t quite know what to do with shy people, but he seems like a very decent guy (and kinda cute) so hopefully he’ll feel comfortable telling me if he thinks that things are moving too fast, and I’ll feel comfortable telling him if I think that things are moving too slow.

I’m very much a one-guy-at-a-time kind of person, even when things are just in the e-mail stage, so I anticipate spending the next week or two just seeing how things play out with B#2. No serious expectations, but fingers crossed. :wink:

How 'bout everyone else? Trublmakr? Hunter Hawk? Epimetheus? Incubus (are you still talking on AIM/the phone with that one woman?)? Ultrafilter (the holidays are over now!)? Lost in the post (did you ever get your photo posted?)? Scr4? Tremorviolet? Thinks2Much? Talk to me, people! :smiley:

45

Yeah, I guess I should look into this a little more seriously now.

46

Eh, I just replied to a guy yesterday and told him I was geetting bored with the personals thing but I’d like to hear from him and email me if interested. Haven’t heard anything yet. I’ve run outta steam again on the whole deal. I find it really exhausting to deal with the guys (who I’m sure are very nice guys) I’m not interested in meeting. I think I’m just gonna take down my profile and avoid the messages in my box. Which is really cowardly but the crappy way I usually deal with these things. (so, guys, if a gal doesn’t respond, it’s probaby not you, it’s probably just some crazy chick like me who freaks out over too many emails. :slight_smile: )

I’ll give it another go in half a year or so…

Anyway, good luck, Misnomer with your dating experiences. Sounds like you’ve got the stick-to-it-ness to get somethign out of it.

47

I’ve been IMing with the cutie I spoke of before and we’re meeting Saturday night. I’m very nervous. I hate meeting people anyway, I’m very shy. But I’m looking forward to it. He seems to be way more open than I, he told me last night that he already likes me. We’ll see. Oh yeah, by the way, did I mention he is soooo cute?

48

I think I need to get more pictures of my profile up or something. Nobody messaged me specifically out of interest to my profile :frowning:

I messaged quite a few matches, few, if any seemed interested in exchanging more than hellos. Grrr, what’s the point if I can’t actually land a date with anybody?! :mad:

It is rather interesting to read various doper comments- It is definitely a drag both ways. Women get deluged by e-mails, talk to guys that don’t even seem interested in actually dating. Men get far less inquiries; guys practically have to take a shotgun approach and hope somebody shoots back :frowning:

BTW, Okcupid was down a few days ago and their ‘out of order’ picture was pretty funny :stuck_out_tongue:

49

I think I need to get more pictures of my profile up or something. Nobody messaged me specifically out of interest to my profile :frowning:

In December, I messaged quite a few matches, few, if any seemed interested in exchanging more than hellos. Grrr, what’s the point if I can’t actually land a date with anybody?! :mad:

It is rather interesting to read various doper comments- It is definitely a drag both ways. Women get deluged by e-mails, talk to guys that don’t even seem interested in actually dating. Men get far less inquiries; guys practically have to take a shotgun approach and hope somebody shoots back :frowning:

Ladies, I can assure you that I am definitely the type that is willing to go out on dates and potentially take things seriously. At least if you get to the dating part with someone you can get a good idea on whether or not you ‘click’ with them. I myself haven’t been dating in a while, but it certainly isn’t for a lack of desire, which is why I am interested in dating. Also, I finally have free time now, which makes it much more feasable for me to do such things.

BTW, Okcupid was down a few days ago and their ‘out of order’ picture was pretty funny :stuck_out_tongue:

50

Whoops, sorry about the semi-double post.

Misnomer, yeah we’re still talking on AIM. Haven’t gotten an opportunity to talk on the phone in quite a while. I suggested it a few times, but was declined :frowning: I must admit I’m a bit puzzled about it. Right now it kind of feels like a pen-pal friendship…I’d like it to be more.

There is a lot of distance involved, which is a downside. But I’m a pretty determined person when it comes to pursuing a good thing. Right now there are other factors broader than geographical distance.

A lot of people would suggest I just move on, that it isn’t worth it to wait for someone else to decide about how they feel about you. The suggestion has merit, but I’m honestly really interested in this person. I guess I’ll just have to give it more time and see how things pan out. :confused:

51

Woohoo! I just cleared out my profile and, man, does it feel good. Like a huge weight’s been taken off my chest. Which is ridiculous 'cause dating should be kinda enjoyable, right?

I didn’t get deluged by emails but I’d get at least one per day (which is a lot less than I would get bfeore I passed 35). And if I didn’t feel like replying, I’d then start stressing out because the site tells when you logged in last and it looks rude if I’d been there and hadn’t responded. And I’m not big on the whole IM-ing (which I don’t really do, actually) and emailing forever thing either. I either want to meet them or not, but not fritter away forever on the computer (which is what it seems like a lot of the guys want to do).

52

I’m still not having luck finding guys in my area. Incubus is overgeneralizing when he says girls get deluged with emails – the hot girls probably do, but I get maybe one message a week at the most, usually less. :stuck_out_tongue: And never seem to get beyond an email or two and maybe one or two IM conversations. The fact that I’m not in any sort of major, or even minor, metropolitan area probably hurts that as well, so any messages I do get are from guys ranging from somewhat far away to ridiculously far away, and I’m not sure a long-distance relationship is something I’m interested in right now.

But I’m glad all of you guys are having some luck! :slight_smile:

53

So, Antares – did you (ahem) do any work on the wording of your ad? :dubious:

54

OK so I did the test and answered the questions very honestly. Married (for 29 years), 50, not interested in anything but a long distance pen pal. My profile:
Random Brutal Love Dreamer
:eek:

55

OK, well, since you asked … got back in town, various distractions, flurry of activity, posted stuff on OKC a couple of days ago, and yesterday …

Sent a message to that local gal. No only does she sit at the top of the local list, her profile, at least, is much, much better than anyone else’s. (No offense, haven’t seen yours.) No response. Not surprising. For you see, OKC, while it may have a relatively good compatibility system, doesn’t have any objective rating analysis in its match system. To explain, it’s pretty clear that the local gal has brains, and personality, and looks, too. And I’ve got … um, maybe half a brain. She’s smart enough to know that her field is a large one.

Hope springs eternal, like a puppy running out to chase a squirrel, but wisdom knows it’s really a skunk.
:slight_smile:

To focus on the positive, I got a flat tire fixed for free today.

56

Dude, it’s only been a day or so. Give her some time.

I did take the plunge and wrote to a couple women tonight. We’ll see what happens.

57

I have met two in person in the last month. I don’t want to say too much because I told the one I hang out here. He doesn’t know my user name yet, but you never know… I am enjoying the process and the people, I will say that. And if anyone cares that much, you can email me and I’ll share. :slight_smile:

58

Thanks. :slight_smile: I got an e-mail from B#2 tonight that said, “The more I read from you, the more I like, and I think I would like to meet you in person soon,” so it seems like I don’t have to worry about a never-ending e-mail exchange (yay!). It’ll suck if we don’t “click” in person, but I prefer to find out sooner rather than later.

I know I’ve said this before, but you sound exactly like me a few years ago – actually, that’s how I felt every time I tried online dating over the years (until now). I mean, it’s a little freaky. :wink:

GOOD LUCK! :slight_smile: As I mentioned, I’m not shy myself and I really don’t know how to make shy people feel more comfortable, but just remember that you won’t be the only nervous one there (or the only one hoping it works out)!

Dude, every time I have tried this online dating thing I’ve had to take far more of the shotgun approach than the “sit back and wade through the offers” approach. So far, I’ve gotten more offers during my first month with OK Cupid than I ever did on any other site, and I’m batting a thousand when it comes to return fire. :wink: Very, very unusual (but welcome).

Regarding your AIM buddy, I’m sorry that things haven’t progressed yet. :frowning: You don’t seem to mind the distance thing, but that combined with the repeated refusal to talk on the phone would have me saying “buh bye” pretty quickly, I think. I hope things work out!

I second that, lost in the post. Patience, grasshopper! :wink: (Oh, and I snuck in a link to my profile in the old thread, but here it is again for the curious: Misnomer971.)

And good on ya for writing to some folks, ultrafilter! :slight_smile:

Wow, you told someone about this place? :eek: The SDMB is like a safe haven for me! I don’t think I’d tell anyone about this place unless we were engaged. :wink:

59

I’ve been busy getting ramped up with work post-Christmas, so I haven’t contacted anybody yet. Incidentally, I now have a couple of (crappy) pictures of myself posted in my profile, so if any of y’all were curious about what I look like, you can see 'em there.

60

Oy, y’know what, twicks? I’m a friggin’ moron. Somehow in the heat of starting my new job and the holidays and stuff, I managed to completely freaking forget to make those changes you suggested. I suck. :stuck_out_tongue: But I did them now! We’ll see how they work. Once again, thank you for your help, though I was far too slow in employing it.

In case anyone missed it in the other thread or wants to see the edits I made with twicks’s help, it’s here - RedGuitarGrl883 . For some reason some of the paragraph breaks I made in the edit aren’t showing up right for me at the moment, hopefully that will fix itself in a minute or two.