Conversations about on-line dating have popped up from time to time, but I kind of accidentally started a hijack in a GQ thread that I think would be better continued here. Please feel free to ignore this thread if you feel that the subject of on-line dating is completely played out. The site being discussed is OK Cupid.
That’s another thing: I’m not interested in just chatting with anyone. I only want to chat/message people that there’s a chance of meeting in real life. A few of the questions I came across seem to treat the “meet in real life” thing as completely optional . . . but isn’t that the point??
Honestly, I’d rather not say. I’m not interested in having my profile critiqued (not that you would, but others might), and I’m not even sure how much longer I’ll be hanging out there. I will tell you that the pictures I have posted there match the ones in my TM profile.
Naw. It might be that way for some folks, but it’s no standard practice that I’ve ever heard of.
Oh, I’ve seen those, and I answered accordingly. But what I’m talking about is when I do a search for matches: there’s no way to say “no smokers, please.”
“You should message me if: You are no younger than 30 and no older than 45; you live within 15 miles of me; you don’t smoke; and you have a reasonable handle on the grammar/spelling of the English language. Everything else we can play by ear. :)”
I plan to edit that statement to soften the wording, but all of those “demands” will remain in there.
Seems like most people ignore anything about who you’re looking for. The profile I have up (not on okcupid) specifically and clearly states what kind of man I’m looking for- very strong, confident. alpha male, highly intelligent- yet I’m constantly getting responses from young, weak, mama’s boys that are intimidated by strong women and don’t even know how to carry a conversation. I hate it when they IM you and after “hi” they expect you to do all the talking.
I’m becoming pretty frustrated with online dating, if you can’t tell. Maybe I’ll try okcupid as a last resort.
Well, some people probably use the site just to find online pen pals. But if you’re just looking for people you could meet in real life, that’s what the Local Matches feature is for.
Indeed. If smoking is an absolute deal breaker for you, you’ll have to look at the individual profiles to see who’s a smoker.
The grammar/spelling demand seems a little frivolous, but hey, they’re your matches. I’d suggest putting YOU DON’T SMOKE in caps or otherwise highlighting it, and also mentioning your nonsmoking preference in your self-summary.
Well, consider what you’re trying to do - you expect those guys to look at your profile and think “no, I’m weak, insecure, and stupid, so I better not message her”? Plenty of people think they’re confident and intelligent, whether they really are or not.
Yes, it’s something I’ve noticed on every site that I’ve tried. I got a message this afternoon from someone who deliberately (and with a sense of humour) checked off all of my “requirements.” Nothing in his profile sends up any red flags, so I will be messaging him back this weekend.
As you say, they are my matches, but if you’d gotten as many poorly-written messages over the years as I have you would include that requirement as well. I write for a living, and I really don’t think that having a “reasonable handle on the grammar and spelling of the English language” is too much to ask of someone – especially when he has chosen to communicate in writing. A recent example of exactly what I’m not looking for – but what I get all too often – is this message, which came in early this morning:
"I like your mesagge and love Your photo. I meet to you. You is beatiful girl. Please you write message me. good days "
Now, the guy who sent it is in Turkey, so I don’t “judge” his English at all. What will keep me from writing back, however, is that he ignored every single thing I mentioned in the “send me a message if…” statement.
Except that it says something to me if someone ignores the “send me a message if…” statement. Consider it my own, personal test of sorts.
Misnomer, it’s definitely better that you started this thread because my question in that thread had been answered anyway.
What bugs me is when my profile says I’m interested in men ages 22-28 (something like that) within a 50 mile radius, and I’ve gotten so many winks/messages/whatever from guys that were like 35+ in Idaho or California. Guys, I put those specs there for a reason. I appreciate the nod, but please, check the specs.
BTW, I did end up joining with the free trial and I noted the “we will charge you if you don’t cancel” aspect. I joined, wrote the email including my regular email addy, and cancelled the subscription the next day. So now we’re emailing but not with great frequency yet. He seems pretty cool but I honestly don’t know when I could make time to meet up with him somewhere, and that’s unfortunate. Guess I’ll just have to see where this goes.
The distance thing isn’t a deal-breaker for some people. Like you and your husband. For others, it is – though even saramamalana’s 50-mile radius is too generous for my taste: I’m not willing to drive an hour, in some of the worst traffic in the U.S. (which will make it longer than an hour), for a date with someone I’m still getting to know.
I am not interested in being pen pals with someone, nor am I interested in drawn-out, on-line “courting.” I’m not into e-mailing someone for more than a month or so without meeting him. If the site helps me connect with someone, and we are still interested in each other after a few e-mails, and maybe one or two phone calls, I want to meet (I don’t consider that first meeting to be a “date,” btw). If the first meeting goes well, it’s time to arrange a date. And so on, and so on. E-mail is great, and it’s fun to exchange mail between dates, but there have to be dates.
For me, on-line dating profiles, personal ads, etc. only exist so that I can meet people in real life. Others will have different expectations, of course, but I see no reason why I shouldn’t mention the distance thing if it’s important to me.
Saramamalana is on Match.com, and I mentioned (and linked to) the site I’m on in the OP: OK Cupid.
There’s another free dating site that runs along the lines of more traditional sites like match and yahoo: http://www.matchdoctor.com
It has some pretty good features like space for an in depth profile and whatnot. It also has an online chat feature. There are a great number of members/personals in many age ranges as well.
By the way, does anyone have experience with eHarmony or TheraDate? I hear their radio ads all the time but that’s all I know. I take it these are more expensive and “serious” than match.com and the like?
So are you searching profiles and contacting potential alpha male types you find or are you mostly trying to sift teh sheat from the chaff of the responses you get?
I’m a relatively odd bird when it comes to online dating, even though I know that as a male the ratio is highly against me I write very few women and have much better luck with those that contact me first.
I’m thinking about getting back into on-line dating again after I graduate college (who knows, maybe the degree will help sweeten the deal! ). I have tried it before two or three times, but I NEVER got any inquiries. It wasn’t very good on my ego. I messaged women I was interested in, but never got any replies. Needless to say, it made me feel rather undesirable.
However, this next time I’m going to be much more aggressive about it- I’ll post a flattering (but recent) photo of myself, and an honest and upbeat profile. Lately I have been interested in women who are older than I am, but I know many older women aren’t interested in guys in their early 20’s, possibly because they think they are too immature. I am hoping that by dating older women, I’ll be more likely to meet someone who knows what they want and has enough life experience to have realistic standards. Even if I get turned down ruthlessly, I will at least learn from it, helping my chances in the future.
I logged in to eHarmony once, when they were still very new and offering their personality test for free (which they might still be, I dunno). I didn’t see it as different enough from any other site to be worth creating a new profile – plus, at the time, there weren’t many members in my area. I don’t remember it being more expensive than any other site. Frankly, it seems like the questions and tests on OK Cupid are similar to any results you’d get on eHarmony.
Every time I’ve put up an on-line profile, I’ve wound up quitting a month later and swearing I’ll never do it again . . . but x months/years later, I’m back on line. :smack:
I also constantly debate myself about whether being on line is “desperate.” On one hand, there will be a lot of disappointment and failed first meetings, but on the other hand it’s not like I’m meeting men any other way. I think there’s less stigma attached to on-line dating than there used to be, but part of me still cringes a little. This OK Cupid site is palatable to me because 1) it’s free, 2) it’s kind of fun, and 3) it’s free.
You know, it sounds cheesey, but every time I go through an on-line dating cycle it really does help me learn more about what I’m looking for (and not looking for). I learn more about myself, too.
Actually I’ve gone that far too, but been hesitnant to pay the fee ($49/month, IIRC). Although I just checked the junk e-mail they’ve been sending me and there’s a promotion for 3 months for the price of one, so I might try that.
It sucks to be in a small city… On OkCupid, I think there’s only one female user within 30 miles of me and within 5 years of my age. There are more on Yahoo Personals, but 9 out of 10 indicate they’re only interested in Caucasians. :rolleyes:
Bummer! But it doesn’t seem to be that much better in a large metro area: when I do a search for guys my age within a 20-mile radius, I only get about 10 results. But then at the top of the results set it says “X best of X random local users,” so I wonder if they’re holding back? They’re showing me X random local users, but could they be showing me X+x random local users?
(And that’s about as far as my math skills go, folks! )
Really? I mean, I believe you, it just surprises me. Disappoints me, too. It’s been quite a while since I’ve looked at Yahoo Personals.
The site being discussed is OK Cupid.
