Laugh, please!
And then IM me. 
Back to the theme at hand, I’ve had luck ranging from “marginal” to “good” with the on-line dating stuff, but I was using a fairly specific-themed site. I’ve never used match.com, but I used Yahoo! personals a few times. I haven’t needed to use anything in the past few months, however. 
Funny you should complain about that. Mrs. RickJay’s best friend, who I will call, uh, Bestfriend, is doing online dating right now and I am regularly informed as to her progress.
Her absolute #1 problem is that guys won’t ask her out. they’ll IM her for weeks, talk on the phone, HINT that they want a date, but don’t have the guts to do it.
I think part of the problem here is that Internet dating will tend by its nature to draw shy people who have trouble meeting folks in person - in other words, the type of person you aren’t looking for. It’s not that they’re deliberately ignoring your request; you’re just attacking a pool of available men who are disproportionately unlikely to understand you.
Now, not all men online are like that. I was an assertive, date-every-woman-I-can-ask guy, and I met Mrs. RickJay online. Don’t give up hope, folks, it can and does work. We are happily married, and my best friend has met the love of his life on eHarmony. So keep looking. We’re off the market but I’m sure there’s more like us.
But one more comment to those complaining about lack of success in online dating:
Since when was meeting people any OTHER way any more successful than meeting them online?
This weekend I did both okcupid and matchdoctor, and have struck (stricken?) up conversations with not one, but TWO, lucky contestants. They both appear (UNCANNILY) to be my type, both very charming and intelligent and profound. From their pictures, they even have a similiar look to them. Weird.
I’m feeling much better about this online dating thing.
Sounds like it’s time for her to take the lead.
For the standard monthly rate, yes. If you pay for the whole year it’s $249/yr. And after you take the free test, I think they’ll e-mail you a promotion code for $50 for the first 3 months. Anyway I bit the bullet and signed up for the 3 months so I’ll let you guys know how it works out…
If you just click on “Local matches” again, you should get a different set of X users each time.
So much for composing long, detailed, heartfelt responses:
Abandoning my usual approach, tonight I sent e-mails to two personal ads with the subject line “REPLY TO ME! REPLY TO ME! REPLY TO ME NOW! ROARRRRRRR!!!”
And I’m two-for-two getting replies.
What has online dating come to?
I don’t blame you at all here. I’m not one who thinks of dating as “fun”. IME, unless you are dating in the sense that you already know each other, are going steady, and are involved, it sucks worse than a job interview.
Meeting perfect strangers and spending time with them when each of you KNOWS the other’s motivation, but you’re not reeeaaaaaallly free to just come out and say it, just sucks worse than undergoing heart surgery while you’re still conscious (not that I’ve ever had to do that, I’m just imagining).
Sorry I digress, so yeah, having to engage in the whole “who are you, your parents, your life, what do you do for a living” BS just to make a new “chat buddy” is to me also, a complete waste of time. If you just want chat buddies, put your IM on “available”, join some mild discussion groups and chat away.
Understandable, but Ive seen dopers critique profiles before, and have never seen anything but kindness and support.
Not much of a “proper” way to say this IRL either. No matter how nice you are, at least one person takes offense, or says they’ll quit.
Well, from what I know of the time I spent on dating sites, it doesn’t matter. Lots of people looking ignore anything they see, figuring it’s kind of like businesses who put requirements in an employment ad, but they really mean 'preferences" so if you can get your foot in the door, you can dazzle 'em with BS.
Best of luck, ime, those things are a rather big pain in the butt, although lots of people DO meet and marry online.
There are other reasons than racism that people choose to date only inside of their own racial and/or religious boundaries.
It doesn’t necessarily mean that they’ve got something against others not of their own race. Dating is hard enough without throwing extra stressors into the mix. Don’t take it personally.
Yay, trublmakr!
I sent a message to someone last night, and not only did he reply within 24 hours, he didn’t say “thanks but no thanks!” (Don’t get me wrong: I don’t think I’m undatable, but I expect there to be far more misses than hits; and many guys like my profile, but not the fact that I’m overweight). He can spell and everything! 
Now I just have to think up another witty/interesting/charming message. . . :eek: 
Yeah, I tend to be pretty straightforward about my motivation. Sometimes too straightforward, I think, but I really see no point in playing such games with someone I barely know. If our first meeting comes to a close and I’m not interested in seeing the guy again, but he seems to be avoiding the subject, I’ll bring it up. I always take a deep breath first, because some guys take even the most routine rejection really, really hard, but like I say I’d rather not play games. And I don’t believe in leading anyone on, either: if I don’t intend to call, I will tell him so, I won’t just start ignoring him.
I’m not afraid to have my profile critiqued, I’m just not interested in having it critiqued.
Most other sites, though, will let you filter results by whether the person smokes. Seems to be kind of a significant thing to make you look through results for, IMO.
These things are a pain in the butt, which is usually why I don’t last on any one site for much longer than a month at a time . . . but I’m less than a week into OK Cupid, so I still have some time left this go-around.
I know this was in reply to scr4, but I’m curious: what would you say is an acceptable reason for someone to not be willing to date outside their race?
Incubus, if you haven’t looked at it already, you might try craigslist for online dating. While craigslist exists in many, many cities these days, I still think the original one (for the Bay Area) is the best.
Several friends of mine have been involved in long-term relationships with people they met off of craigslist.
This is how I fell about it and keep swearing off. Then, six months later I find myself just “checking” out the personals (usually Nerve/Springstreet) and get dragged back in. I even just signed up at OKCupid following the OP’s link. But I don’t really intend to persue it (and no one will persue me as I was brutally honest this time ). ARGH. How come I just can’t accidentally run into the perfect guy like how it happens in the movies? Dating is too much work…
I should try that.
Here’s what I’m thinking about sending, as is, with multiple choices and everything. I figure it will save me a lot of time reading the damn profiles and composing individual responses.
*Hello,
I read your profile and found it very interesting/intriguing/scary.
That sure is a nice dog/cat/pair of tits in your picture.
I too enjoy skiing/reading/sailing/danciing/torturing chipmunks.
Like you, I am looking for marriage/a relationship/dating/hot monkey sex.
If you don’t like me, do you have a sister?
Please reply immediately so that we may arrange our exciting/thrill-filled/romantic/intellectual first date.*
We’re talking about a system here where you can specify you don’t want to date outside a specific hair color or height range. Race in this context seems more like a purely physical trait.
I’m afraid I don’t understand your point . . . 
Some people just aren’t attracted to certain physical traits, whether it’s hair color, height, weight, or skin color. That doesn’t make them racists.
I didn’t call anyone a racist, and I’m not taking it personally. I just found it surprising and disappointing, but if that’s what they feel, I’ glad that they are upfront about it.
I’m not sure, but I think people might have been misled somewhat by the rollie eyes.
I was a bit. I didn’t think you were being snarky or anything, but the addition of the rollie did make me think that perhaps you thought it was due to racism. Sorry, end hijack
Well, I did think it’s shallow of them to preemptively reject people based on appearance. But I don’t think it’s “racism” in the usual sense of the word.
Anyway, I got one response on eHarmony but her occupation is listed as “Personal Services” - does that mean “escort service” or is there another meaning?
Aaaah, I see now.
For the record, I never used the term “racist;” I just couldn’t think of any acceptable reason why someone wouldn’t be willing to date outside their race. I still think that having such restrictions is a bit on the ridiculous side (no one with blonde hair, pale skin, Japanese ancestry, etc., could ever be attractive to them?), but genuine attraction issues are ok by me. Like scr4 says, it’s good that they’re up-front about it.
My first thoughts are that she could be a hairstylist, or a personal shopper, or a manicurist – something along those lines. Asking her about it would be a great point of conversation!
It’s too bad I’m already taken.
My GF’s friend is big into Match.com and stuff. It’s a facinating idea to me…simply being able to pick up girls off the internet like you were ordering from LL Bean (well not that easy, but whatever). I’ve always met girls the old-fashioned way - in bars…while drunk - so I’ve never experienced it.
Oh and for the record, don’t put something like “…need a baby within 10 months…no questions asked…will pay top dollar” in your profile. Whew :eek: