On-Line Dating, Cont'd

In My Humble Opinion
41

I’ve been growing disenchanted with Match for a while, so I went and checked out OKCupid. It looks like a better set up (and, y’know, it’s designed by mathematicians), so I went ahead and signed up. After answering about 300 questions, I clicked on “Local Matches”, and lo and behold, Misnomer’s profile shows up at the top of the list. It’s a small world, I guess.

This does look a lot more promising than Match. It seems like they downplay physical attraction a lot, but maybe that’s not an entirely bad thing. As regards the “mandatory” issue in the GQ thread, the philosophy seems to be that it’s better to present you with more matches than fewer ones and let you do the picking.

42

Me? Really? :eek:

Too bad you’re only 24. :wink: If inclined, though, send me a message so I know who you are (I’m all curious now!).

True – there is no way to list your weight, build, eye color, etc. Just height. Which is fine with me, 'cause I’m up-front about my appearance in my profile (and I have photos . . . these days, on-line profiles must include photos).

43

Actually I came across your profile too, Misnomer. But only in the second page of the “World Matches”. How you doi… oh wait, I’m 600 miles away. :smack:

44

I’ve set up a meeting for Saturday night with one of my two eligible contestants! Woo-hoo!
Yesterday I got two emails through OKCupid! from a straight female (as I am) in Nicaragua asking me to email her if I can keep secrets. I wonder if she wants to cut me in on a share of the eleventy billion dollars the government is keeping as part of her late deposed husband’s estate!
I also got an email from a guy who states under “things you don’t know about me” that he masturbates frequently. Ew. I wonder if he’s having much luck meeting women.

45

Well, you can use the Browse Photos section to give them an idea of what you find attractive. I assume that factors into matching somehow.

46

Online dating…just about the only way for shy folk like me to get anywhere. I can type to someone forever, and talk to them endlessly once I know them a little bit, but that first step in person has always been extremely difficult. I’ve been talking to someone for a few weeks now, but we’re having a little trouble coordinating our schedules. I’m holding on in the hope that that’s all it is, and he hasn’t decided that he doesn’t want to bother.

47

So with all of these people running across my profile, and with Garfield226 asking about it at the start of the thread, I’m starting to think I should just go ahead and post a link ( :eek: ). It reveals the town I live in, but anyone can come across it there just as easily as they could come across it here, and now it’s starting to feel like I’m keeping it secret for some reason. So if the curiosity’s just killin’ ya, feel free to check out (critique, throw eggs at, etc.) Misnomer971.

LOL!

It’s funny, I haven’t traveled in the U.S. nearly as much as I’d like to, but I used to be quite familiar with Huntsville. My former company, Intergraph Corporation, is headquartered there (actually in a little town right next to Huntsville whose name I can’t recall at the moment), and I used to go there every now and then for training or to work on certain projects. I’ve been to the U.S. Space and Rocket Center, taken the NASA tour, seen a Channel Cats hockey game (when there was still a Channel Cats hockey team), etc. :slight_smile:

Yay! :slight_smile: Good luck!

I’ve exchanged a couple more e-mails with the guy who wrote back to me the other day, and it sounds like we’re heading for a meeting. I have his cell phone number, and as soon as he replies to my latest message and tells me a good time to call him, I will do so. This is actually the most relaxed I’ve felt about meeting someone from on-line in quite some time (possibly ever): it seems like we’re on the same page about our expectations, and about meeting sooner rather than later, so even if there’s no chemistry in person I don’t feel like it will be horribly awkward or anything. It’s kinda nice.

I’m sure it’s just a schedule thing: my experience with guys from these sites is that they tend to just drop off the face of the earth if they’re no longer interested. I think the fact that you’re still exchanging mail after several weeks is a very good sign! Plus, you seem like a funny and intelligent person from your posts here, so if you come across in writing to him they way you do here you’re golden. :wink:

48

I just heard back from him tonight. He’s having some family difficulties at the moment and doesn’t much feel like being sociable. I tend to be a little nervous about these things, especially when they go as well as this has been going. You’re right, though; these guys usually just disappear if they’re not interested. I’ve been pretty sure he’s very interested based on what he’s been telling me.

Thanks for the compliment. Good luck!

Your profile is good. I fail miserably at writing them myself most of the time. I’ve had enough practice that I should be better, but I’m losing my enthusiasm for them.

49

Heh, I hate online dating. Full of women that are pickier than hell about the most stupid things. Woman is 5’2 but demands the guy must be 5’11 (only 2" taller than myself), wants him to be some magical romeo come in and sweep them off the feet with a short email, telling them of his physical endowments and financial stability. Requires they move in fast enough, but too fast and they don’t respond, and heaven forbid if one little bitty thing doesn’t “jive.” All the requisites are met, ohhh, but look here, “I wanted greeen eyes, nope, uh uh, you have brown eyes, my application specifically says green. I turned down Bob over there because his green eyes were a shade too dark.”

Needless to say I joined Yahoo personals a bit less than a month ago, and in the 30 days, I wrote over 150 personalized letters. I got three responses. Out of 150. I chatted with all three of them (different times of course) on yahoo messenger for awhile, exchanged a few emails, and even offered to meet them at a local cafe with good atmosphere and one I invited to a museum. Good place to meet IMO. Anyhow, nothing worked. All those hours in the three digits wasted writing women that are no doubt vying for the same 6’5 Rico Suave with an extra pakage that live within 5 miles, etc.

I guess I wish luck to all those people that have what it takes. I would like to think of myself as somewhat good looking so I guess there are other things that are keeping em away. Oh well, hope it works out for ya.

50

Those women are insane. I’d be sitting there looking at your profile, thinking, “There’s no way that he’ll even have time to give me a courtesy reply. The chicks must be filling his inbox night and day.” Then I’d send something anyway.

I’m on Yahoo Personals. It’s been pretty disappointing so far, but mostly because many of the guys in my area are looking for quick hook-ups and nothing more.

51

,(disclaimer Though of course I’m sure there are some who are just plain racist, it’s not always the case.)

Yes, shallow if it IS truly based on just the appearance of someone. But there is a whole hell of a lot more to consider in a multi-racial relationship. Some people just aren’t up to the challenge, and, imho, it’s intellient of them to spare both themselves and potential partners that particular issue.

Secondly, yeah, part of preferences IS being “shallow” if you want to simplify it that much. But the same thing that would have a person prefering caucasian men, is the same thing that has some women preferring “teddy bear” men, and others who prefer the “pale goth” man.

Consider what types of girls appeal to you most, and what traits or appearances you won’t “do”, so to speak. Everyone has them, it’s just a fact of nature, not necessarily shallow. Though yes, of course some may just be putting it without really thinking it through.

Could mean lots of stuff, like personal shopper, possibly massage therapist, hair and beauty, that sort of thing. :slight_smile:

52

I don’t get it either - I would think you might need to move - you’d be swamped with women if you were in the Chicago area.

I also wanted to say that women aren’t the only ones who are too damn picky on these things. My personal favorite is the men who are 50 pounds plus overweight, yet only want petite women who are “Athletic”. So, it is ok for you to be out of shape, but you want an aerobics instructor? Guess again!

53

Yeah, I love that. I just saw an ad where the guy is looking for women 5’ to 5’11" and 100 lbs to 120 lbs. :dubious: Obviously, this guy has no concept of what a 5’11", 120 lb woman looks like.

My other bitch is the age ranges. A lot of guys seem to be looking for only women that are younger than them. 33 year old guys are looking for women 21-29. :rolleyes: Now that I’m past 35, I’ve noticed I get a lot fewer hits.

Online dating is just frustrating. I’ve had great email flirtations that just fall flat in person. The chemistry just isn’t there. The last guy I met (before I swore off again) was so cute and nice and Itried really hard but he was just dull. (and, I just saw his new ad, he’s switched to dating men exclusively now. :smack: )

Epimetheus, don’t take it personally (FWIW, I think you’re pretty cute), it’s just that the odds are against you. There’s waaay more guys than women looking and if you’re a reasonably attractive female (under 35), you get slammed with emails. It’s really overwhelming. So women tend not to answer all their emails, let alone meet all the guys.

54

“Quick hook-ups” as opposed to long, serious relationships? What usually tips you off, and what would you say is a good way to indicate I’m not one of them?

55

Dude, I’m sorry the women in your area have been so difficult! You’re right that there are some picky-ass women out there, but, as Thinks2Much and tremorviolet say, it’s not just the women. Unfortunately, it’s easy to be really picky on-line (down to eye color, as you mention). Your profile seems fine to me, so I can’t guess what’s wrong with those Missouri girls.

Not to proselytize or anything, but think about trying OK Cupid: it’s completely free, the tests and questions are kind of fun, and – as ultrafilter mentioned – there’s much less emphasis on stuff like hair color, eye color, build, etc. Not right now, because you sound (understandably) pretty fed up at the moment, but if you ever consider doing the on-line thing again.

Ha! That’s exactly what I think every time I send a message to someone for the first time. :slight_smile: I know that if I find someone interesting enough to write to, other women are thinking the same (especially with the objectively cute ones), so I figure he’s getting a lot of mail.

When I get around to meeting the guy I’ve mentioned, I’d like to ask him how many responses he’s gotten (only if it would be a natural place for the conversation to go, of course): I think he’s cute, and that he sounds great, but he has a kid and I wonder if single dads have as much trouble as I hear that single moms do.

Good point (unfortunately). Scr4, that could very well be a consideration: around here multi-racial relationships aren’t much of a “challenge,” but I could see things being different in Huntsville. . .

I’ve noticed that, too (about me, not you!).

Which is why I like to meet people as soon as possible. It doesn’t matter how well I get along with someone in writing (or how poorly, for that matter), everything’s different in person – that is my acid test.

56

It’s not anything they put in their profiles. They mention it later.

Of course, this may just be my bitterness showing.

All I’d say you need to do is indicate you’re looking for something serious, without harping on it. No stuff about searching for the One who will complete you.
:slight_smile:

57

Hey, I joined OkCupid! :smiley: Of course, the only picture of me I had on my hard drive is not the most flattering (I look rather disheveled). I’m not completely done making my profile…I’m still thinking of clever ways to describe myself- I don’t want to sound like just another 9,000 other guys on the site. I answered a few of the quizzes, looked at some matches and found quite a few right here in San Jose! In fact, not only that, but someone replied to my own inquiry to her, and she goes to the same school as I do! Let’s see how this goes!
:smiley:

58

Is it too late for me to chime in? :slight_smile: I’ve been on OkCupid for at least 6 months or so now with zero success. I dunno if it’s my profile, my pictures, the fact that I live in the middle of nowhere, or what. Basically every guy in my area who I’ve contacted has completely ignored me. I’ve been on other dating sites for awhile, too, but never really had any luck. I would actually like a profile critique if anyone’s interested – I’m RedGuitarGrl883 over there. I think it’s too long and I babble too much, probably… hm. You guys having some luck with these things gives me a wee bit of hope, though.

Oh, and Epimetheus, the girls in MO have lost their minds. If you emailed me there’s no way I wouldn’t reply. :slight_smile:

59

AntaresJB – it’s too long and you babble too much. Some funny stuff, but it’s more than I want to read (and I love to read). Edit it down by about half.

Email me if you want some help with the editing

twicks, SWF, professional editor and battle-scarred veteran of online dating.

60

Email coming your way, twicks. Thank you!