The basic question in tl;dr form is: do you think it’s okay to play (fetch with a dog in this case, but also… anything) in a cemetery, assuming you’re not bothering anyone? Is it disrespectful of the dead? Would you have a problem with it if it were you or your relatives buried there?
The real-life context is, I rent a house that has no regular fenced yard, but has a small fenced family cemetery on the property. There are maybe 15-20 graves, mostly from the 1890s-1910s. The most recent is from 2003 and the next most recent is from about 1987. I have seen (living) people there maybe once a year.
I also just adopted a dog who needs a fair bit of daily exercise, so I’ve been taking him over to the cemetery to play fetch because it’s fenced. I’m not too concerned about the regular courtesy stuff- I know we’re not bothering anyone (living), we’re not leaving anything behind or damaging anything, and we’re not trespassing on anyone’s property. I don’t know the living relatives (or whoever it is that has visited before) to ask them how they feel about it.
Anyway, I’ve talked to one person who was horrified, but I couldn’t tell if it was because she thought it was disrespectful or because she thought it was spooky. One person was kind of on the same page as me- wouldn’t be personally upset by it, but wasn’t sure if it was really OKAY. Another three or so couldn’t see why I would even question it- as long as I’m not bothering any living people, why wouldn’t it be okay?
Anyway, I’m just curious to see what other people think. My guess is that I’m probably overthinking it, but I also obviously have a pro-dog bias and a pro-what’s-convenient-for-me bias, so I’m hoping for a more balanced perspective.
(also, btw, there are a lot of factors that make exercising this little dog kind of complicated. Suffice it to say, there are reasons we’re doing it this way instead of [insert seemingly-obvious alternative here] and I’m exploring a variety of supplemental options as well.)
The only issue I can see is that if the doggie does his business on one of the graves, and even that is not really bad, since of course animals roam old cemeteries and do their business with no heed to the previous “occupants”.
In lots of parts of the world, playing in cemeteries is expected and the norm. And honestly, it would give me some comfort to know that, after I’m gone, some dog will be chasing a stick above my corpse.
I’m a volunteer photographer for Findagrave, so I visit cemeteries a lot, and I see a lot of people walking their dogs in these spaces. I don’t think anyone is particularly bothered by that, though of course one should clean up after one’s dog as well - our town cemetery has a bag dispenser at the entrance for this very reason.
Cemetery picnics also seem to be making a comeback in some areas of the country - usually relatives of someone in the cemetery will come to pay their respects and hang around and have lunch there.
I think as long as you’ve got some open space to play fetch with your pup, it wouldn’t seem like a problem to me.
This is a family graveyard on the property you’re renting, AFAICT, so it’s absolutely nobody’s business but yours and that of the owners of the property.
If they’re okay with it, you’re fine. If you don’t know whether they’d be okay with it but they’re highly unlikely ever to find out you’re doing it, then I’d say you’re still fine.
If they ever find out and let you know they’re not okay with it, then apologize profusely and stop doing it, but don’t worry about it. If you’re not damaging anything and not making an absolute screaming howling spectacle of yourself, I know of no reason to consider it intrinsically indecorous or contrary to etiquette. But of course, the wishes of the owners (and kin of the cemetery residents) should be respected.
That said, it is true that most dogs should have a fenced play area where they live, if possible. Can you get your landlords’ permission to put up a fence, even a temporary fence, on some other part of the property for your dog to play in?
If they say Yes, then you’ll have a canine play space that you know is officially approved. If they say “No, why don’t you just take him over to the family burial plot and let him run around there?”, then you’ll also have a canine play space that you know is officially approved.
No dogs allowed at any cemeteries near me. The main concern I understand is that the dogs urinating on the monuments will cause degradation. Also, some (minority) people have been disrespectful, and have left dog waste behind, and this has ruined it for the majority of good dog owners.
Like many places, the small minority of idiot dog owners have ruined things for the rest of us.
And seriously, what’s with the meme of haunted graveyards? If anything, a cemetery would be the safest place to be in the event of an undead apocalypse: Nobody ever dies traumatically in a cemetery, and they’re dedicated and consecrated specifically for the purpose of peaceful repose of the dead. A haunted battlefield? Sure, that I can buy. The house of a serial killer being haunted? Of course. A haunted shipwreck? Seems reasonable. But not a cemetery.
The first wedding I ever performed was in a cemetery on Halloween. The organization that ran the cemetery felt it was a good use of the grounds. The couple is still together 25 years later.
I remember a few times, when I was in my teens, a friend and I would throw a football around in a local cemetery. It wasn’t full, and had some park-like areas that were perfect for playing with a football. We weren’t trying to run plays (might end up running into a gravestone, after all); all we ever did was play catch.
Animals in a cemetery is generally a no-no. I personally have no big issue with it but if your dog were to, say, start digging it might upset people no matter how silly their concern would be. People are a little irrational about cemeteries so probably best not to ruffle any feathers.
I got used to Japanese family cemeteries, where the cremated remains of loved ones are interred with memorial stones in a quiet corner of the property, the idea being they are still members of the family even though they’re deceased so people leave food and photos and come to update the dead on family news, especially during Obon Festival. For some reason, a lot of families put their cemeteries right in the middle of where walking paths go through, and people walking by will bow in respect to say howdy, same as you would with any neighbor, I guess. Anyway, neither here nor there but what works in Japan is not generally what works in the US. Kids playing in a cemetery, having a picnic, strolling through reading the stones, all okay but animals should be left outside the gate. You don’t ride horses in a cemetery either.
Pulled this from some international cemetery rule book, have you? Where I live, dogs are generally allowed in cemeteries, but only if kept on the lead. This is presumably to mitigate the whole digging, pooing thing.
To the OP, as long as you don’t let your dog wee, poo or dig up graves, I can’t see a problem with it. Although quite how you could stop a dog weeing, I’m not quite sure. My dog cocks his leg on everything.
. That should be picked up.