So, are cemetieries sometimes, always, or never acceptable areas for casual recreation? I ask becasue someone has invited me to a little get-together at the Columbia Cemetary on The Hill in Boulder. I don’t plan on going seeing how I have a final tomorrow, but at any rate, I’m a little offended that anyone would plan a large social get-together in a cemetary. Especially for college students in a place where the “locals” already hate us enough.
What are other’s opinions regarding the etiquette of using cemeteries essentially as parks?
Depends what’s meant by casual recreating. Meeting up, strolling, enjoying the sunshine – okay. Playing frisbee, major picnic-type endeavours – not so much. Basically I’d go by what wouldn’t freak out someone visiting their relative’s grave.
I think the age of the cemetary makes a difference. I’m not sure that a picnic is appropriate next to someone else’s freshly dug grave, but I don’t have a major problem with a quiet gathering or a tour of historical monuments in a Civil War era cemetary. And I’ve known of a number of churches that have an Easter Sunrise service in a nearby cemetary.
Some pipers go to cemeteries to practise. They figure the inhabitants won’t mind, and visitors often like to hear a lone piper at the cemetery, because of the association between pipes and funerals.
I’ve known a number of people who have a cemetary Rollerblade routine. They say its pretty, traffic is light, the paths are smooth and usually somewhat curvy. I’ve never heard of anyone being bothered by this.
This was basically going to be some short-track mountain biking or cyclcross coupled with a copious load of beer the night before finals start. A group e-mail has succeeded in relocating the soirée.
Good idea. Someone visiting the grave of a loved one-or worse, an actual funeral would probably be majorly pissed at a bunch of people biking around the cemetary.
My family regularly has picnics in a cemetery not far from my parents’ place. It’s a wonderful spot, with lovely views and, not surprisingly, very quiet. We just spread a rug under the trees away from the graves.
I largely agree with this. But I think you should extend to refraining from behavior that would not disrespect someone visiting a grave or mourning even if you don’t see anyone there at the time. There may be someone in the cemetery who you don’t see at first, and someone may come to mourn or visit a grave at any time while you are there.
I don’t know… I’ve never been one to dwell on death, really. The morbidity of funerals, cemeteries, etc. is bizarre to me. It seems as though life should be celebrated above all else – if I saw someone enjoying being alive in the vicinity of the funeral plot of someone I cared about, I can’t say I’d be too upset.
I’d not do anything ostentatious should I find myself in a cemetery for whatever reason, though.
Back in high school there was a very pretty cemetery just outside my home town, with a very pretty pond in it. I took various girls there, spread a blanket near the edge of the pond under a big tree, and made love there in the dark. If the moon was bright, we could hide in the shadow of the tree. Had some lovely summer evenings there, even though some of the girls wouldn’t do anything but heavy necking. Yes, I said ‘necking’. Ask an old person if you’ve never heard of it. Well it was the 50’s, after all. No wise-ass, the NINETEEN 50’s.
There weren’t any tombstones near the pond and I never felt as if it was disrespectful at all. Of course I was rather, uh, fixated on my quarry at the time. Teenage dementia, you know.
My parents are buried in a cemetery that is probably half Anglo, half Latino. I’ve learned that among Latinos that it is not unusual for the whole family to come out and have a picnic around the gravesite of a loved one. I thought this was weird at first and disrespectful, but it’s really just their way of remembering someone. At Christmastime, many gravesites are decorated with trees and lights.
However, if someone came to the cemetery where my parents are laid to rest and just decided to have a party there because there’s a lot of flat ground, I would be quite disturbed.
In the movie “The Contender”, the character played by Joan Allen, is shown running through Arlington National Cemetery for exercise. The filmmakers had to steal that shot since there was no way the VA was going to give permission for someone to do that (and rightfully so).
So, I say, you can have a small picnic/pary (heck bring balloons if you want) if it is honor of someone you know interred there, but without any connection to the cemetery I would find any kind of party disrepsectful.
Going to my grandfather’s grave as a kid, there were the graves of three little girls nearby. They all died on the same day. I asked my parents what the story was and my mother remembered that it was in the news back when she was a little girl…one of those girls fell in the river and her two sisters dove in to save her…they all three drowned.
I used to sneak off to their graves whenever my parents were at my grandfather’s grave. Maybe it was because I was a kid, but I felt a strong connection with those sisters. I know it sounds strange, but I felt like they liked having me visit them. I even envisioned that I saw them. Ever since then, cemetaries are both creepy and off limits to me.
In other words, I would NOT go to a kegger at the local graveyard.
Here in NZ cemeteries in areas with large Polynesian populations are easily spotted. I have heard then described as both gawdy and cheerful. They seem to dress the burial site with colour, colour and more colour. Plastic flowers, streamers, soft toys, things that move in the wind. The message seems to be that the dead should be remembered and remembered colourfuly.
In my family no one has been buried in 3 generations. On my mothers side cremation has always been the way. On dads side they have “donated” their bodies to medicine (I just signed the form for dad :(he is not dead, just sick and planning). When my husband died I kept the ashes at home long enough that my son was old enough to remember the goodbye to them. We sent his ashes off a cliff at our favourite beach.
This was all a long way of saying that PROVIDING there wasn’t a funeral going on then cemeteries are lovely peaceful places to be enjoyed. Not abused with raucous, behaviour but enjoyed.