One attendee at a family thanksgiving doesn't want to celebrate on that day

In My Humble Opinion
1

Here’s the setup:

8 family members getting together over thanksgiving. One of the family members doesn’t want to have “thanksgiving” dinner on the Thursday, apparently because the holiday celebrates the wrong thing - this is the whole “the pilgrims raped and pillaged the native americans” meme best depicted by this image.

Am I the only one in thinking that this is a bit… rude? Causehead’s significant other (the actual family member) is supporting Causehead for obvious reasons. The other 6 of us do not subscribe to this concept of thanksgiving.

I, personally, am not all that into thanksgiving - it was not really emphaized in my family (it is obvious now that this is the in-law side of the family). I am a bit of a traditionalist in the sense that I “like” holidays. I am also loathe to accommodate Causeheads in this fashion… Like actively loathe as in I am contemplating raising a stink just to prevent this travesty from occurring.

What would you do?

2

Let that person enjoy the day at home alone. Don’t bring him any leftovers.

3

I would just state that majority rules. Either you join us or you don’t. Simple really.

4

the problem is that they’re flying in and the dinner is in my place.

5

I would tell them to stay home
ETA-They are flying in to celebrate a holiday they don’t like?
OK, stay at the hotel and come for leftovers on Friday

6

Are you the host or a guest in this scenario? Is the Causehead the host or a guest?

At any rate, it’s up to the host to decide when, where and what the gathering is about. It’s up to the guest to either accept the invitation, or decline it. End of story.

If the Causeheads are against this particular gathering, they don’t need to attend. They could even schedule and host an alternate gathering. At no point should the guests be arguing with the host about the worthiness of the occasion, but that’s family for you.

7

There’s no majority though - the other 6 will roll over and allow it just because they’re passive aggressive and too nice.

I’m the asshole :slight_smile:

8

Ask Causehead and his/her SO if they will be joining the rest of the family for togetherness and eating mass quantities of turkey. If they insist that they don’t want to join in, say that you’ll be sorry to miss their company (even if you’ll secretly be glad to avoid them). Plan the meal accordingly.

9

You’re the host, and you’re inviting people to your house. You set the rules, not the guests. If they don’t like it, they don’t have to come.

10

I am the host, Causehead is a guest.

The issue is that my section of the family didn’t really instigate the dinner - it was the patron and matron of the family wanting to see their children, and our place was selected because it’s the most central and largest place.

It’s not a traditional “thanksgiving feast” in that regard - it’s more like, “we’re coming to your place so all 8 of us can be together and hang”

11

I voted let it slide, but that was before I read that it was at your place. You’re hosting, you get to pick the time.

12

So what?

That actually makes it worse. If they have such an ethical problem with the way you have a family festival, they can save themselves the price of a plane ticket, or shut up.

13

Dear Causehead, you are invited to X event, on Y day, at Z time. We hope you can join us. Period.

If they want to have a different event somewhere else at some other time, more power to them.

14

How about pointing out the silliness to Causehead? I mean, the mythical dinner with the Pilgrims and the Native Americans didn’t happen so many years ago on November 25 (or whatever that adjusts to on the Julian Calendar). It’s just a harvest festival.

15

Personally I think it would be ruder for me to challenge Causehead’s beliefs than to just basically say “look, that’s nice that you believe that. we don’t. too bad, so sad - dinner’s on Thursday”

but i’m struggling with whether to say that or just put up with it.

16

If you give in to this foolishness one time, then it will be harder to refuse their next ridiculous “request”. Nip that shit in the bud.

17

I thought Thanksgiving was all about the football, then shopping the next day??

:smiley:

I go with - host issues the invite, guests come or not. I tried to be accommodating once - it ended up biting me in the ass. So I make my plans, and if you can’t make it for whatever reason, too bad so sad see ya another time.

18

So? Still your house. Besides, they don’t want to have Thanksgiving on that Thursday, but another time is ok? Its not like that day has any significance. Unlike other holidays, I would say that the act of coming together as a family is more important and that whatever day you do that is “Thanksgiving.”

Plus, Causehead sounds like an attention whore, no need to stroke that ego. Hold your turkey feast when you want, and those that object can eat at Denny’s.

Around my house we eat turkey and pie, then watch the Cowboys until we fall asleep. I work the Friday after, and that weekend is a self-indulgent orgy of football and hockey.

19

that’s my thought.

but then how do you come across as anything but petty or spiteful? it truthfully is no more or less meaningful to have the family dinner on friday, instead of thursday (which goes the same for her, fwiw).

like, the contrary argument is “well, since she feels strongly about it, and none of us do” in a traditional sense (the 5 of them don’t, I only feel strongly just for the purposes of nipping it in the bud) then let’s just avoid conflict and have it on friday.

20

Perhaps I did not read your post close enough, but what is Causehead’s solution here? Have the feast on another day? Not call it “Thanksgiving”? Not have a feast?

Not that it really makes a difference, just that trying to sanitize the event by either of the first two is extra retarded.

If they don’t like it they should just stay home.