I’ve always considered Thanksgiving to be the quintessential American holiday - massive over-consumption combined with intra-family bickering. What’s not to love?
The various families I’ve celebrated with have often moved the date in order to accommodate schedules. Yeah, most people (but not everyone) get off on Thursday, but having to be 4 different places on the same day sucks and isn’t always physically possible.
However, rescheduling for “political” reasons for someone who isn’t even officially family yet? No way, slap that one gone right up front. Not just because it’s stupid, but because you’re only setting the stage for future manipulations. Once Causehead find out that s/he can get away with this kind of crap, it will be endless.
I voted “let it slide” but I’m really torn. On one hand it seems like such a small matter to change the day in order to keep the family peace. On the other Causehead is being a disruptive prick.
Yeah, I don’t see what the problem is. There is an event, they are invited to attend, and they have declined. The appropriate response is a plain old: “OK, thank you for RSVPing. We’ll miss you.”
Speaking from a strictly logical standpoint I would agree with the “pointing out the silliness” idea. At least, at some point in the whole process of trying to work this out, I would probably want to say something like this:
“I absolutely agree that the whites persecuted the Native Americans, and I can understand perfectly if you wanted to protest Columbus Day, because that holiday is specifically intended to commemorate a historical event, an event that began that persecution. Thanksgiving Day is not like that. It happens to have this story of the so-called “First Thanksgiving” connected with it, but it was never intended to be a commemoration of that event. It’s an annual harvest festival, not a celebration of Pilgrim history. The Pilgrim thing is incidental to Thanksgiving.”
It might not change anything in the long run, but at least it would convey to Causehead that you can sympathize with the overall sentiment but simply find it misguided in this instance.
WILLOW: Well, yeah, sort of. That’s why she doesn’t celebrate Thanksgiving or Columbus day-- You know, the destruction of the indigenous peoples. I know it sounds a little overwrought, but really, she’s…She’s right.
ANYA: Well, I think that’s a shame. I love a ritual sacrifice.
that’s exactly my conflict. with the added twist that since i’m going to be the only person raising a stink about it, i come off like the d-bag for trying to stymie Causehead.
Unless the causehead wants to throw the party. If so, they are free to choose the date. But if not, it’s ultimately up to whoever is inviting people into their home.
God, don’t let the Causehead host the event, or else you’ll have to eat a vegan meal. (Which, while I’m sure can be fine, and I’ve eaten vegan food myself, wouldn’t be as much fun.)
If it was a matter of it being impossible or massively inconvenient for one family member to make it that day, and it wasn’t any difficulty for anyone else to do it another day, I’d say move the dinner. After all, it completely negates the point of a celebration of family togetherness for everybody to whoop it up while one person is left by themselves. It just does.
But this setup? Fuck 'em. Fuck 'em right in the ear with a rusty spike. I mean, really, who the hell do these people think they are? Not just Causehead and Co., but your spouse’s parents? “We’re going to invite the whole family in for a big family dinner. Oh, and we’re going to have it at your house. Oh, and we’re going to let other people dictate the day and time.” What the [insert long, long string of profanity]?
And that is exactly what I would say to anyone who gave me any guff about having the dinner on Thursday. “Look, when you choose to invite people to my home for a holiday dinner, you don’t get to dictate the day and time it happens. It’s my house, and I get to decide when people come over. If you want to set the schedule, have it at your own place.”
Yep. Maybe include some props, such as stacks of blankets (with presumed smallpox infestation) and jugs of firewater. And burning teepee lawn ornaments would also be a nice touch.
You’re not the ones being petty and spiteful – Causehead is. You won’t look like you’re being nasty – not if you simply point out that you have the dinner planned for that day, and you’re not moving things around simply to accomodate ONE PERSON. (And it’s not because she has other plans on Thursday, it’s just her throwing a fit over something that has nothing to DO with Thanksgiving in the first place). She’s not even married into the family yet.
So if you do so diplomatically, and she throws a tantrum, SHE’S the one who’s going to sound petty.
All good advice… except for one thing… the dinner hasn’t been planned yet.
This has all been in the formation state, like: ok, so are we all going to meet at Rumor’s place for dinner over thxgiving weekend? sure… oh, btw, Causehead would like it on Friday instead of Thursday because she doesn’t believe in thanksgiving or something.
“But we’re not celebrating Thanksgiving Day per se. It’s a new holiday I invented called Thankstaking Night, which involves eating, drinking and watching football on TV, followed by a fight of your choice from a menu of three topics for a family once-a-year fight. Because you’re vegan, I’ve made sure to accomodate you on the entree list with an option called Resolved: Tofurkey is Toe-funky. Oh won’t you please join us?”
This. I’m not even slightly Christian, but I get together with extended family and exchange presents on Christmas day. And this is for a holiday specifically intended for the celebration of the birth of Christ.
Thanksgiving, OTOH, is NOT, and was never intended to be, a celebration of the rape and pillage of native Americans way-back-when. If it was, she might have some grounds for protest, but it’s not. As the name suggests - and as she needs to be reminded - Thanksgiving is a holiday intended to remind us to be thankful and to celebrate the good things in our lives. Most of us do this by indulging in two very good things in our lives, family and exceptionally good food.
If she’s so arrogant and presumptuous as to try to dictate the terms of a gathering at which she is a guest - heck, she’s just a guest of a guest - then she needs to be put in her place, or this kind of manipulation will continue, as you note, for decades to come. You can do this politely (see previous paragraph), but you really need to do it firmly. Defend your space now, or suffer forevermore.
