I’m not asking because I need ideas, this thread is more because the recent wave of sexual harassment accusations in the news has me very dismayed and a bit depressed. Talking up a woman whom you like and getting signals she likes you back is one of the greatest thrills of being a man. But I’m thinking just casual conversation there; grabbing someone’s ass, making dirty jokes to someone you barely know … it’s distressing to hear about. (I work with a lot of young women every day, and I have a niece who is a young woman, and it bothers me to think some of them will almost certainly get treated like this.)
So I’d like to hear about some of the more innocent things you’ve seen men do, even if you found them obnoxious. Stuff that worked or didn’t, but didn’t actually offend you, or didn’t offend you in a terminal way. Some guys brag about money, some guys … well, I don’t know. You tell me. 
And by that I mean it didn’t offend you so much you didn’t want to even talk to him any more about anything. You could overlook the behavior in question as long as it wasn’t continual.
I think my biggest turnoff has been men trying to impress me with their money. It basically screams, ‘‘We probably don’t have the same values.’’ (not saying wealthy people can’t have good values, but if you think that’s what’s going to impress me about you than you probably overestimate the importance of money.)
I have met a few who play the ‘‘romantic’’ to the hilt, and I’m a hopeless romantic but not in that way. If you want to shower me with poetry and flowers within days of meeting me, that’s off-putting. Those feelings come from a true and intimate connection, I’m going to assume you treat all women that way which doesn’t make me special in the least. I’m talking about really hard-core almost character-acted romantic overtures, not saying I would be opposed to flowers on a first date or anything.
Before we started dating, my husband offered to make me chicken soup when I was sick. We shared a college dorm hall so he was literally talking about heating up some Campbell’s in the dorm microwave. I dunno if he was trying to impress me, but it certainly interested me. I also got the sense that he would do it for anyone, which was super fantastically hot. This was a guy who was just all-around decent to people regardless of whether he wanted something out of them.
What gets me is when a guy just embraces who I am. When I was in college I mentioned to an acquaintance that I was having a down day. He plastered my dorm room wall with photos of seaslugs. I’d never heard of them until then, but they are amazing animals and totally me. We didn’t go down the romantic road because I had just started dating my now-husband, but it was a hugely noticeable and appreciated thing and he became one of my closest friends to this day.
The winningest moment for my husband was a PM convo in which I was having a bad day and he expressed the desire to hug me (we weren’t yet dating.)
I said, ‘‘If you hugged me, I would just melt into a little puddle on the floor.’’
His response: Then I would scoop you into a container, wait until you resolidified and hug you all over again.’’
swoon
All in all, I think it’s about guys meeting you where you’re at, paying attention to what you like and who you are and all that sort of good stuff. So what an individual woman likes is going to be different depending on who she is - put a little thought into it.
I’ve been out of flirting mode since I got married 40 years ago but generally, flirting is entirely different than harassment. It’s essentially the dead opposite. Flirting is something two people do together for fun. It continues until something changes – more seriousness, someone loses interest, whatever.
Harassment is something someone more powerful does to someone less powerful, because they can. If it’s unwelcome, it isn’t flirting. Period. As soon as someone signals that they aren’t having fun any more, and someone else ignores that signal, it’s not flirting.
I don’t want to fall back on the truism that men by and large are socially clumsy and tend to be mystified by what women consider to be very obvious social cues. But it’s tempting.
We’re assuming decency here. Not-decent guys of course don’t need to pick up social cues, because they don’t care about the woman’s emotions, or are entertained or stimulated by fear and helplessness.
In answer to your question, though, I will paraphrase the wise words of someone whose name I can’t remember: “If she doesn’t like you, it doesn’t matter what you say. If she likes you, it still doesn’t.”
Most women are not particularly impressed by men who are trying to impress them, by the way. They may be flattered by the fact that the man wants to impress them, but rarely by what he does. It’s something women think of as childish but cute, to be honest. Like little kids strutting around in costumes.
Your poll is rather limited - to flirting. LOL! I like it when they engage in actual conversation, in the same manner they would with a bloke they were getting to know. When the conversation reveals that single, and kind, and intellectually curious, then I’m interested. Flirting, IMHO is only appropriate after one has reached that point.
I sense a question floating in from you, “How would I know?”
If we’ve been talking for more than 20 minutes, and I’m not looking over your shoulder,or checking my phone, or walking away, then you are doing well. I’d say give it a try at that point.
Why doesn’t the thread title match the poll question?
One that totally does not, in general: some guy trying to impress me with his knowledge of something of which I know as much or more. Another: people trying to bond by calling up some misremembered joke (usually pretty bad to begin with) or, in one case, an urban legend anybody with half a brain wouldn’t believe.
A guy who mixed both: to get an archery license in Spain you need to take a short course. I was in the middle of it when this guy came and corrected my posture, laughing about my “clumsiness”. His corrections were the exact opposite of what the instructor had said. I pointed out I was with the instructor and I thought people weren’t supposed to interrupt other people’s shooting. He laughed “oh well, Jordi doesn’t mind!” Jordi looked like he would have intervened, except I was doing fine at my own rescuing. The idjit then segued to “hey, I heard you went to school at X?” “I didn’t just go, I actually got the degree.” “Oh, haha, I did go! But I didn’t get the degree…” (1/3 of students don’t make it to the second grade; most of those move to Central Uni, which and I’m not saying this out loud, is our traditional rivals but also not half bad) “… heck, I didn’t even bother go to the first round of exams!” (am I supposed to be impressed?) “I moved to Autónoma next year, haha” (to whaaaaat? Really? You moved to Crap U?) “Man, X is such a snob school, haha, everybody who goes there is such a snob; man, there were these blondes…” (you’ve got to be kidding me) “…who came to school in this red convertible, man, you should’a seen them! [gestures ‘big boobs’ to Jordi]” “Do you think I could go on shooting now? I mean, unless you plan to pay for me to have an extra day of course.” “Haha, no no, don’t let me bother you leaves”
Jordi: “so… I’ve never had him for very smart, but, did Mr. Crap U alumnus just call you a snob?”
Me: “yep. And btw, the blondes? They’re a urban legend invented by the people from Central U; they were already going to X in 1969, when the father of one of my classmates started there, which would put them in their 60s by now. And there weren’t female students until 1975, oops. Btw, nobody who’s ever told me the story has ever been able to specify how many blondes or the brand and model of the car. All we know for sure is that they’re blonde, they’re very pneumatic and the car is a red convertible. move to the shooting line for the next round”
Jordi: laughing his ass off
Does preferring your men not-braindead make you a snob? Because in that case, I totally am!
FTR, I don’t mind a little flirting, I find it flattering, but I’m terrible at it. When someone flirts with me I have no idea how to respond. Which probably makes them think I don’t like it. I’m just really shy. You’ll get a shy smile but probably not a witty rejoinder.
(Not that I’m doing much flirting as a married woman.)
One guy climbed up a very tall tree to impress me , it didn’t work . If he had told me he had a motorcycle that would had worked , I saw him on one after I decided not to go with him. RATS!
I think the thing a man can do which will impress a woman the most is making the effort to know her well enough so that he can figure out what impresses her.
Too many guys think there’s a “one size fits all” approach that will impress every women and all they have to do is figure out what that one secret is.
I love sports cars. Back in college, I really liked the Testarossa. A guy I knew bought me a model of one and gave it to me. It was very sweet.
From TrueCelt:
That’s actually pretty close to my own approach. I have kind of a continuum:
1 - she’s not getting up to go somewhere or somehow leaving to do something else, she’s willingly staying put to talk to me
2 - She’s actively engaging with me in the subject I’m talking about, without any apparent boredom
3 - She’s interacting with me personally: looking me in the eye, laughing at my jokes (or telling me they’re terrible, which is a way of joking right back)
4 - All of this has happened more than once (I don’t pick up random women)
From there, physical proximity comes into play. If somehow we come within three feet of each other, (which will happen sooner or later if you know someone long enough) how does she react? If any of the above changes, it all ends there. I have found an awareness of physical proximity to be a really big sign. I have never met a woman who willingly allowed a man into her personal space for whom she didn’t have a good comfort level. This is the culture I’m from, though, which is urban North America. I’m positive it’s different elsewhere.
[ul]
[/ul]
Because I’m not very focused. 
Ok. That makes sense.
From one focus - impaired person to another, I sympathize.
Sent from my Pixel XL using Tapatalk
If it helps you quickly weed out men you aren’t compatible with, isn’t that a good thing?
OK, I’m getting mixed signals here.
It’s almost as if purplehearingaid and Spice Weasel were two different people.
For me? Sure. Maybe a little disappointing for him.
Just, you know, in the interest of full disclosure, I’ve been with the same guy for 15 years. My participation in these threads grows increasingly hypothetical and out of touch with modern reality. I can’t help but post anyway because I am a hopeless romantic.
The other day while I was walking home from work, a guy stopped me and told me he was new to the neighborhood, having just bought a house, and he was looking to get with a pretty woman like myself. He also mentioned that he had a college degree.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I turned him down.