Eats_Crayons, you just summed up hours of conversations between myself and several friends about bisexuality.
FWIW, I’m another monogamous bisexual who’s marrying a straight guy. He knows my feelings and understands that I am monogamous and always have been, so there’s no chance of the usual stuff you hear about bisexuals. But it doesn’t change the fact that I have been attracted to and in relationships with women before, as well as men. And he kind of gets a kick out of the fact that I find the same women hot.
I think the reason there’s such confusion about bisexuality is because the only ones who typically admit to it are the ones who get drunk in the bars, end up kissing their best girl friend, and then scream “I’m bisexual!” because it gets them a date with the hot guy across the room (I’ve seen it happen).
Yeah, I suppose that’s true. I was looking at it from the “People who have sex with” perspective instead of the “people who want to have sex with” one. But rest assured, that is totally a result of my complete horndogitude, not an inherent bias. I don’t consider promiscuity to be a bad thing.
So to any and all celibate or monogamous bisexuals out there, I say “What the heck are you doing?!?! Get out there and get some! Quick, before things start drooping!”
Oh yeah, and apologies and such. But mostly the bit about having more sex.
Hmm… I’ve gotten drunk and made out with my best friends… but not to get the hot guy across the room. Because I was honestly attracted to them and they to me and we wanted to have a little fun. The attention didn’t hurt but it certainly didn’t get me laid.
But I can certainly see some women doing that (okay maybe more than some…) Often it seems it doesn’t gross us women out to kiss other women. Maybe because that’s how we practice kissing? Only now it’s not just to practice for the guys
A lot of my friends in HS said they were bi. I dated one once.
Three years later, and how many of us are “still bi”?
Two. Myself and my first girlfriend. Out of a crowd of about 10.
I actually talked to a girl who once said that she was bi, yet the very idea of actually having sex with a woman “grossed her out.” All I could do was stare at her, mouth open. “Huh?”
Personally, I think the Bi Fad comes from a few things:
Impressing guys. Duh.
Not understanding the difference between “that woman is attractive” and “that woman is attractive to me.” Y’know? Woman are “allowed” to think that other women are pretty, but not a lot of guys can say, “Damn, Johnny Depp is a hot guy.” Shit (needed a cuss word, this IS the Pit), I forgot where I was going with this. Maybe people think that if you can find someone attractive aesthetically, you must be finding them attractive in a sexual way.
Oh hell. #2 has gone down the drain. I hope someone out there has a clue as to where I’m going. I got lost.
Rite of passage. The college experience. What do you do in college? You party, drink, have sex, and have a Lesbian Experience. To look back on at a later time. I don’t have any first-hand knowledge of this, not being in college and all, and sorry if I’m completely off the mark, but that’s what it seems like from the outside.
Of course, all that is just theory. I realized I was bi at 15, and never questioned it. I go from being about 70/30 straight to 20/80 gay. Right now, I’d say I’m 80% gay. Shrug. I don’t know if other bis swing back and forth as much as I do.
Anyway, to the Anti-bi thing . . .
Maybe it’s the lack of predictability. Y’know, you go out with a girl, and then she swings over to wanting a Lady Friend, and dumping you. You could do everything right, but suddenly you’re “not what she’s looking for.” With Straight, you know she’ll only leave you for a guy. Only 50% of the population. Gay, no chance with her. But Bi, there are a lot more people fitting into the “who she could leave me for” category.
Hmmmm. I hope I made some sense. Today is apparently a bad day for my brain, and nothing is coming out like I want it to. Sorry if I don’t make any sense.
Well, first off we’re trying to make logic out of some thing COMPLETELY stupid. So there in might lie the problem.
However, here’s MY best analogy of it:
The other day I’m driving down a two lane highway trying to pass the guy in front of me. The problem was though he kept driving in the MIDDLE of the two lanes. I put up with this for as long as I could untill eventually I got frustrated and yelled out to him “PICK A LANE MOTHER FUCKER!”
11 year’s old I was practicing kissing my guy friends (He’s now married with a kid on the way)… I didn’t have many girl friends. Instead I just was a tomboy and tortured my Barbies.
Someone I talked to (or did I hear it on here? I get that mixed up sometimes) kissed her whole group of friends because they were all bridesmaids at a wedding and one of them had gotten a tongue ring recently. A guy she really liked was going to be there and she had yet to kiss since she had gotten pierced. So she wanted to experience that with someone she trusted so she wouldn’t make a fool of herself by hitting his teeth with the piercing or whatever. So one of them kissed her, then said she was a good kisser and eventually all of them ended up kissing each other just to see how each other kissed.
Now me, well one friend I practiced kissing with… after we got drunk and she got really hot and heavy I put a stop to it because she was engaged at the time. I don’t condone cheating and at first it was just fun then it got serious.
The other one she came onto me and well… I really thought her hot. So I ended up kissing her. Then I ended up kissing a guy who claimed he could do better. He couldn’t.
It could be that, if your definition were correct. As is, however, sexuality is defined by thought, not by action. This bisexual has slept with one woman in his life, and she’s got a ring on.
Remember kids, it’s not who you do, it’s who you want to do:D
Do you actually consider yourself bi, though? Because if you do, it’s not such a big deal. I’ve gotten drunk and made out with a girl before for the same reason - because I was honestly attracted to her.
I never practiced kissing with my girlfriends, though. In fact, I used to try to push down my attraction to women throughout high school and college because I was convinced I was abnormal (what kind of person likes both men and women?). Once I moved to NYC and realized that I was somewhat normal, it wasn’t such a big deal.
My roommate and I had a theory about sexuality - there are different degrees. It’s almost like a sliding scale - some men are all the way over to the “Attracted to women” side, some are in the middle (bisexual) and some are all the way to the “Attracted to Men” side - gay - obviously, the points can be at various places in the scale, it’s not always a black and white issue… I always considered myself around the 60/40 closer to being attracted to men, and therefore marrying one. But if I’d found a woman with the same qualities as my fiance, I probably would have fallen just as hard for her. (I hope that made sense - it’s hard to think after a cheeseburger and peanut butter milkshake).
Yes I do consider myself bi. I also agree with the ‘sliding scale’ thing… I’d say I’m around 70/30 for the guys. Or maybe it’s because I haven’t met any girls really who I could see myself in a monogamous relationship with (fling on the other hand…) that and I think that as whenever I went out to a gay bar my roomie wanted me to bring back a lesbian so we could do a menage et trois (and I’d bet he would jump in if he had thought I had another girl in my room) I was sabotaging myself towards that bent.
Now I don’t have time to date, boy or girl, so I’m pretty much stuck with admiring.
Thanks, but no. My monogamous relationship has past the three year mark and going strong, I’m plenty happy as is.
Well, you did say you were a horndog and it influenced your opinion. Just remember that bisexuals are not promiscuous by definition. Believe me! Who I happen to fall in love with can be of either gender, but my relationships have all been monogamous.
But assuming your self-confessed horndogedness was affecting your good manners, I’ll take your apology at face value, no harm done.
I even saw it on a beer commercial recently. Two “hot chicks” make out long enough to leave a group of guys dumbfounded and really turned on.
“Poser” lesbians (straight girls who make out with their friends just to excite the guys) tend to piss off a lot of genuine lesbians and bisexuals. Do you have any idea how hard it is to say “sorry, I’m with her” when guys think it’s part of a game? :rolleyes:
I wear a wedding ring now. It amazes me how guys in bars will respect a piece of tin on my finger, but will not at all respect my relationship when my girlfriend is right there with me!
BTW-- in case anyone is wondering. I got the faux wedding ring because I travel alone a lot for photography assignments. Being a petite woman travelling alone in isolated rural areas, I figured it’s better to look married. People assume my husband is nearby, so it doesn’t look like I’m travelling alone.
I’ve read for years about girls practicing kissing with their female friends in middle- and high school, and I’m wondering…WHO ARE THESE GIRLS? I never did this, and I don’t know anyone who did this. Damnit, I would have LOVED to have practiced kissing on a couple of my female friends.
</tiny hijack>
I guess I tend to think you should be mad at the dumb guys instead of at the straight girls. There are a couple rules of sexuality:
You don’t force yourself on anyone; and
You respect the choices people make as long as they’re not breaking the first rule.
The straight girls aren’t breaking either rule. The dumb guys who refuse to accept your relationship with your girlfriend are coming awfully close to breaking the first rule. But by getting pissed off at the straight girls, those “genuine lesbians and bisexuals” are breaking the second rule.
In some ways, I get the impression that some lesbians and bisexuals attach a certain panache to their sexuality, enjoy how it makes them feel special and edgy. Which is all, in accordance with rule 2, well and good. But when they get mad at straight girls who steal their thunder, debutantes dabbling in dykery, it’s just silly.
