Ok, you ask every Friday, so I know it’s coming up tomorrow. It’s not going to happen, ok? Now, this doesn’t mean that I dislike you as a person, but it does mean that I spend enough time dealing with you during the week, ok?
Now, get a grip. I’m a nice person, I can carry on a conversation. What does this mean? It doesn’t mean that I’m interested in dating you. It means that I can discuss work related topics, and even occasional other topics with you. But when the weekend comes, that’s my time. I currently dislike my job intensely enough that I don’t want to think about it when I’m not there. That includes seeing co-workers on weekends. It’s a small department, and the three of us really spend enough time together as it is.
Now tomorrow’s going to happen. Please, don’t send me your little “Please say yes” pathetic e-mails. You may think they make me feel sorry for you, but all that really happens is a little punch of the delete key.
Now then, the other issue. I can be in a bad mood. I really try not to take it out on any of y’all. I really, really do. Occasionally, I’m going to snap and snarl, and I try to make sure I apologize when I do. That still doesn’t mean I’m interested in you, ok? Do I need to go back to being constantly and perpetually rude? Let me know. I don’t really like that side of myself, but I can let her come out more often if it will help you get the idea.
Just a note: I don’t consider this harassment. I don’t feel like my workplace is hostile(at least from this direction), but, flattering though it might be, I get tired of this every week.
This poor fellow sounds either pathetic or clueless. (Maybe those aren’t necessarily exclusive terms.) It sounds like he’s a nice enough guy, he’s just confusing friendliness with affection. Do you think you could say to him more or less what you said in your post? (I’m assuming you haven’t already done so.) It might hurt his feelings a little but it should help things in the long run. Otherwise, it seems to me, he’s not going to get it. Being turned down a zillion times should be sufficient reason to stop asking, but he’s not getting the message, is he?
Seriously, this dude sounds like a potential stalker. He can’t seem to take “No” for an answer. You said it was a small department, so that makes it difficult to avoid him. I would try to limit conversation to work matters and be polite, but not friendly. Any suggestion of contact outside of work should be met with a firm “No”.
This is not a cute infatuation, this is not someone being a “hopeless romantic”, this is someone not taking a fucking clue that you are not interested and making your life difficult.
FYI. I can’t think of any company that wouldn’t consider this behavior to be harassment. Your Human Resources Dept would have a fit if they knew this was going on. By the way, where the hell is your supervisor in all this? He/she should be half way up this guy’s ass by now for his behavior. He/she is responsible for this guy’s conduct in his/her department.
So…you just wanna go back to my place and have hot monkey sex?
Cold monkey sex?
Just sex?
How about your place, then?
If this guy is coming at you every single week, regardless of your turning-downs, perhaps you should just use “tough-love” and say, flat out: Look, I’m not interested in going out with you. Don’t ask me again.
Just went through this bullshit myself.
I reported my office stalker to HR after he cornered me in the break room with no one else around to “apologize” for his actions. Apparently all apologies end with…
“I’m sorry. It just when I’m around you and see your face and smell your perfume, I just want to kiss you.”
::shudders::
I edged my way around him and hightaiiled it out of there. I was so angry and scared at the same time.
Called HR from my cube, went down amd reported him. Gave them the letters he’s written me and a list of witnesses to his behaviors.
I’d link my Pit thread about this topic but the goat blowing webtv doesn’t have the capacity.
My sister married a guy who did this. She wouldn’t have anything to do with him, and he turned up on the doorstep every Friday night, and sent her flowers on every major holiday. Eventually she gave in.
Now, my brother in law is not creepy or clueless or pathetic, or even remotely a stalker. He’d just decided my sister was the woman for him. (You can question his sanity, though–my sister is one of the most unpleasant people I know). He wasn’t going to give up, and he didn’t. That said, he never did the “please, please say yes” bit, or say creepy things. He just asked every Friday like clockwork, took his no good naturedly, and came back next week.
Lsura, you might want to be absolutely clear about your future refusals–I know that I’ve often thought I was being straightforward but polite, and not gotten the message across at all. Maybe something like, “Look, I don’t want to be rude, because you’re a nice person, but I will never, ever go out with you, no matter how much you ask, not even if hell freezes over. And if you keep bothering me about it, I will be rude. So give it up and leave me alone.” If that doesn’t work, be rude. And if that doesn’t work, you do have harassment on your hands, and one assumes your place of employment has a policy on that.