How many of you doper women have encountered this phenomena? When you hang out with a group of guys it’s often they forget you are a woman and treat you like one of the guys.
Personally I find it flattering for the most part that they can be so comfy around me that I can just be one of the gang. The only times it can be really frustrating is when they start bashing women a bit (but hey we do that to guys too when there are only women around!), or when you manage to fall for one of them and they don’t even notice you actually are a woman who is interested in them. It’s also pretty frustrating when they realize that you are a woman and start leaving you out of things you’d love to do because they have suddenly decided that you wouldn’t want to take part in it even though you may have done so mere weeks ago.
So women how do you react to this phenomena? Any ideas how to remedy the ‘being left out’ when they recognize you as a woman? Any ideas on how to get a guy who sees you as just one of the guys to see you as a woman who would love to be with him?
Just kinda curious about this, as I find I am almost always one of the guys* and have encountered these problems before.
[sub]*I think this is because I don’t act ‘ladylike’ unless the situation calls for it. I’m more comfy sitting around drinking beer and talking about/listening to them talk about guy things than sitting drinking tea and discussing curtains (though not all women do this, just an observation)[/sub]
I haven’t got any advice, I’m afraid - mainly because I have, roughly, the same problem. Except for the “They’ve found out that I’m a woman!” part. That might not be a bad thing, actually, if applied correctly.
Anyway, I’ll be watching this thread to see if anyone has hints for you so that I can take them into my brain as well.
When I was younger, all of my best friends were guys.
Have you tried asking the guys when the next football game is ? Maybe if you tell them that you’d like to go, they’ll invite you instead of leaving you out.
As far as dating them, I really don’t know. As a teenager, I once showed up at a Super Bowl party wearing a miniskirt. The guys noticed, but were convinced I was insane. Maybe if you asked the guy you like out to dinner sometime, he would get the message.
I spent two years liking a male friend of mine who never seemed to get it through his head that I was a friggin’ chick!
I never got him to notice me that way, though. On the plus side, we’re still friends.
As to how to get guys to notice…well, showing cleavage never hurts. It’s sort of a mental “hi! I’m a chick!” bitchslap. Otherwise, though, I’m at a loss.
Yeah, what Angel of the Lord said. Except it took me two and a half years before he finally noticed me, and made the first move .
You should have waited that extra six months Angel
This might have been due to the fact that we shared a flat together, and I would frequently walk to the shower with just a towel round me
On the other hand, one of my guy friends was very aware that I am a girl, and when my other friend (the one who eventually noticed me, and to whom I’m now engaged :D) and I started living together, he made it extremely clear that he did not like this at all!
Erm, so yeah, cleavage, and make up perhaps…Can’t really add much more, just been out dancing all night, my feet hurt from having been spun round a great many times by a very nice guy whom I work with whilst rock and rolling and salsa-ing.
I haven’t had many problems either way. Although guys have slipped and said stuff that I’m rather sure they really didn’t want a woman around to hear. When I’m at school, I make an effort to wear makeup and sometimes high heels so I don’t feel like I blend in with the guys in my (mostly male) classes.
I now date a guy I met in one of my classes. Took a while to get him to figure out that I was interested, but I think no one had trouble remembering that I’m a girl–it was about a 12-person class, and I was the only girl.
Actually I was thinking more along the lines of what we used to do often together. Go out drinking and sing karaoke. Doesn’t happen much anymore, in fact they usually go out on their own and notice the fact that I’m a girl and exclude me from it. Outside of these guys I don’t have too too much of a social life and I’m beginning to feel left out. (They claim ‘guy’s night out’ which is cool with me except it happens all the time now and there is no co-ed night happening at all lately)
I think it is a result of the guy who didn’t see me as a girl before has noticed me as a girl (and boy has he noticed!), but he’s afraid of commitment really (Which I am not pushing on him. We just hang out together.) and according to him and some of the other guys I’m putting a crimp in their style with the chicks at the bars.
Apparently when a girl walks into a bar with a few guy friends she must be dating at least one of them because no self-respecting guy goes out with his buddies to pick up chicks and brings another chick along. :rolleyes: Same with just the two of us going out drinking and intending to meet other people to chat up. Any guy and girl walking into a bar together are obviously dating even if they are just friends.
So yah… this is kinda turning into a weird rant on my part. I’ll stop now…
Different mindsets, especially amongst the young. If you are looking for romantic involvement, NEVER be a “buddy” - be the lust/love object - meaning “strut your stuff”, but in a genteel manner, of course.
(and, if you happen to know “guy stuff”, keep it to yourself until you are in a romantic relationship).
Well, this was my situation a few years ago. I had been “one of the guys” in a certain circle for 7 years. I had been dating people during that time, but I also happened to be interested in the very guy who introduced me as OOTG on a regular basis. When I noticed I wasn’t being invited to hang out as often, or that my dropping by for the evening’s activities seemed to add strain, I just concentrated on other friends. When I became unavailable, I was asked out as an actual female by the person I was interested in. We’re still together. It took long enough, but I didn’t stagnate in the meantime and I think it was worth it. My best guess is that he didn’t want me to be OOTG any longer, and when I ceased being just that, it opened up a door for something to happen. YMMV
oh god. when i coxed for the men’s boat club it was fairly horrendous.
i’d hear all the gossip and foul language at training, and all the bawdy songs on the coach to regattas.
and being i medical student, i’d get asked to “have a look” at some personal problems, leading to the memorable comment
“no, i don’t need to see your haemorrhoids!”
i’d also get some sort of “you’re a girl, tell us how they think” questions, leading to me saying “no, i don’t think asking if you can come over her tits is acceptable for a first date” on one occasion.
and then, they’d see me out of my waterproofs, and in a nice skirt with some makeup on, and suddenly i had doors held open for me, drinks bought, and offers to “sort out” men who they felt had been eyeing me up.
of course, the next time we were in the boat i’d be back to my status as one of the guys.
I just stay there. It’s usually fun and it has given me a weird (and not always positive) insight on guys. I also generally never got left out because I was a girl - in fact, most men seem completely oblivious to the fact that I have two X chromosomes, and never really pick up on it, no matter what I do. So sorry, no ideas on how to change the situation.
My first semester at college, I knew no one but my brother (and I go to LSU), so I spent a lot of time with him and his frat brothers. Of course, I’m the sister of an active, so no one could touch me for fear of my brother. I sorta became one of the guys - my love of football definately helped. It did get hard cause for a while I had a crush on my brother’s best friend and he didn’t have a clue… then I got drunk one night and told him. I got a nice laugh outta him, and we’re still buddies today. So I couldn’t exactly get past that barrier still…
The first guy I dated in college introduced me to all his guy friends and we just became a group. I was always like one of the guys (being that I’m bi and athletic, I’m a lot like them anyway). Anyway, after we broke up, he remained (and still is) my best friend at school. I still hang out with that group, and I’m definately one of the guys… till everyone gets drunk/stoned/whatever. Then they all flirt with me like mad. It’s actually kinda funny.
Anyway, I guess I’d just give it some time if I were you. Case 1 hsn’t worked out yet (probably cause I never hang out with them anymore), but case 2 did. Guys never know what they want… just give them time to realize how much they miss hanging out. Trust me, they will!
Well I’m a guy and I’ve experienced exactly what you said with girls! I spent the last year in a Typing class with 3 guys and like 25 girls. It was precisely the same as you said; they’d gossip and say quite rude things (not X rated, just ‘girl-only’ whinges and putting down guys) and then realise I was there and giggle nervously and hide their faces. It was quite an enjoyable class for me.
I’m currently experiencing the same thing because I regularly sit with a large group of girls (my old table was evenly mixed but the guys at my school mostly try to bully me and drive me quite mad. I much prefer this).
angua, it was DUBC.
and the worst thing i ever did was drink a bottle of marie celeste cooking sherry through a funnel at the xmas party…i’ll let you fill in the blanks…
. . . Also known as “Sally Rogers Disease.” Yes, I am a tart, wisecracking dame: confidante to gay men, auntie to women, “pal” to straight guys.OPh, well, it’s a livin’.
