One piece of advice you would give to your teenage self?

In My Humble Opinion
21

Just one? I have two:

In college, don’t bother to enroll in that calculus class, just take the finite math to begin with.

Put in for a week of vacation the week of Sept. 10-14, and get the hell out of the city. But donate blood the week before. If your vacation is denied, then go to the WTC on Sept. 11, and pull the fire alarm in the North building at 7:55am, probably somewhere on the second floor would be good. Pull the alarm in the second building around 8:05. Wear a rubber glove, or use a Kleenex, because you don’t want your fingerprints in the rubble.

22

Listen to what all those old people say. They know.

23

Don’t ever tell him how you feel about him. He’s not interested, and it will just be painful and awkward and embarrassing for you both. While you’re at it, don’t tell anybody else either.

Also, don’t send any stories to the college literary magazine, at least not while you are a freshman.

Also, learn how to drink in moderation. What you’re going to be doing for the next few years is neither fun nor safe, and it will wreck your relationship with your housemates once they start to grow out of it and you don’t.

Also, go to the damn dentist regularly. You’ll be able to get away with not doing so until you are in your early twenties, but never again after that.

24

Wear a raincoat.

25

Your father is an idiot about some things, including your life. Move out as soon as you can.

26

Take college more seriously. You won’t be able to breeze through it like high school and it matters more.

27

Boys your own age are unable to grasp that you are a human being. Bear that in mind at all times, it’s critical to all your dealings with them and will save you both suffering and bewilderment. Eventually, some of them will, but right now, they simply can’t.

This is the nadir of your life. You’ll be amazed how interesting the world is once you manage to get out into it, which will happen shortly.

28

Don’t marry for looks.

29

People have feelings. How I treated some people are the only things I regret, everything else I did turned out all right, and I have no list of things I wish I’d done, nor that remain to be accomplished…

30

Keep in touch with everyone when they go to college, because they’re all keeping in touch with each other. But not you.

31

You don’t NEED a boyfriend. For heaven’s sake, stay single and date around as long as possible and make your own dreams come true. Never settle.

Also learn how to manage money and set some aside as “savings”. You’ll eventually need it.

32

YOU MUST WORK HARD AT THINGS AND EXCEL EVEN YOUR OWN EXPECTATIONS YOU IDIOT.

Impressing people with something you just dashed off IS NOT AN ACHIEVEMENT YOU FOOL.

33

I think this is bad advice if taken literally.

34

Screw engineering- go for med school.

35

Don’t just serve your time: let your time serve you.

36

Along those lines, I’d tell myself to get involved with a sport. Any sport. Or at least find some way to get regular exercise, and then make it a habit.

37

Run away from home.

38

Get a job. Go down to the print shop, get some cards made up that read “Teenager for hire. I carry boxes!” and drop one off at every business in town (small town) and get. a. job.

39
  1. Buy silver, then sell when it hits $45 / oz.
  2. Take results, wait for Microsoft IPO. Buy as much as you can.
  3. Pr… well, it’s obvious.
40

“Be nice to your mother, you little shit.”