i suspect there’s a sort of self-validation happening here. “i failed at this so it is broken.”
at some point you’re going to have to face the fact it could just have been you.
given how every thread you’re involved in dissolves in to bickering (because of how you behave online), i am more than willing to confirm it’s you. you can’t even get along with people on a smart people q and a forum. dating online is obviously not going to go well for you.
but you’re going to have to explain why it works for millions of other people if you want to insist IT is broken and YOU are not.
Well there are so many variables it’s hard to offer any specifics. But generally, don’t be creepy. And don’t be needy. I’m a guy so I don’t see guys’ messages, but sometimes I read their profiles out of curiosity and lot of them are crap. If they message women like they write their profiles, I’m not surprised nobody responds. Keep it light and be your own person (i.e., avoid those OMG I LIKE EVERY SINGLE THING YOU LIKE WE’RE A MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN type messages).
The second part is, be realistic about who you select. Like applying to colleges. You can’t apply to nothing but Ivies and conclude that college is a sham because everybody rejected you. I mean, not that you should target people you’re not attracted to, but you know what I mean.
I don’t know MM’s history here, but I wouldn’t go so far as to say he is broken or anything like that. It just doesn’t work for him, for whatever reason. Some people just do better in person-to-person interaction. For example, dating works well for me in the work/school scenario, friends scenario, but not a bar scene (even though I spent almost every day of my 20s in bar, and I am not exaggerating.) There’s no “one size fits all” solution for dating. Likewise, just because it didn’t work for him doesn’t mean it’s some sort of scam or anything.
ETA: Apologies if I got your gender wrong. Looks like I meant “she” where “he” is above.
for the fourth time you exceptionally literate hawk-eye:
20 percent of ALL CURRENT COMMITTED RELATIONSHIPS are from people who met online. not just “got dates.” but **HAVE **SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIPS, with over a quarter-million resulting in marriage a year, which is a number going up every year.
No, studio shots don’t give you a good idea of what someone looks like. Not that people are paying for studio shots just for dating profiles.
The best pictures show you as a regular person, full-face so you can actually see them, but not airbrushed. Like cropping your face out of a picture with someone else, if that’s all you have. Then some extra pictures showing the whole body - dressed! - so that you know they’re at least vaguely within the range they’re claiming.
If you hate online dating so much, then just don’t use it. Go to those real-life places that are apparently so much easier, and good luck to you.
I have a girlfriend who I’ve been with for almost two-years now, which is huge for me considering that most of my relationships have only been a month. Most of my relationships were with people I met via online dating. We are even talking about marriage and our future together. You know? House and kids. I’m not bitter or broken or incapable of having a relationship.
I’m just skeptical and cynical. There’s a huge difference between that and being broken.
Online dating is a huge money-maker. Also, why couldn’t it be a scam? Just because it’s not politically correct to call it a scam doesn’t mean that it isn’t a scam.
This is why I love theory, especially spiral of silence. It’s really an excellent theory. I’m not going to agree with everything nor should I.
Calling me names or saying I’m broken (or any other insults) aren’t going to change my beliefs. This is discussion.
What kind of discussion doesn’t allow you to disagree?
Ah, I see you changed your answer with the parenthetical to make a little more sense. I did not say “that’s the norm.” Please do mischaracterize what I said. I said “a good number of Match.com profiles, at least when I was looking, had studio shots on them” because you seemed to be surprised that anyone used professional studio shots on their dating profile.
I don’t know why you quoted me. I was defending you and saying that just because it didn’t work for you doesn’t mean you are broken. I did not in any way say you are broken.
Once again, why are you mischaracterizing my words?
the way you go about discussion is extremely adversarial. maybe think about the first part of this quote–you’re skeptical and cynical, to the extent you are credulous about everyone else’s success.
but you admit you’re just cynical. maybe stick to that and understand your perception is wrong. it’s wrong in light of the evidence, it’s wrong in light of the anecdotes, and it’s wrong in light of the statistics.
so rather than trying so hard to INSIST that everyone who had a modicum of success in ways you have failed “won the lottery,” and that “the whole thing is a scam”–how about instead saying you probably have a really shitty attitude about it, but that is is obviously not so bad and works for a lot LOT of people.
rather than ever acknowledging you accept the fact it can and DOES work, and just somehow didn’t for you (and still won’t for others)–you instead try to build a case the entire machine is broken–a conclusion based on your own personal experience.
this is a ludicrous and annoying disposition. it’s as if someone claims the movie industry is a total bogus waste of time because you saw a movie you didn’t like.
the movie industry is a SCAM! i went to a few movies and they were dumb! anyone who has ever seen a movie they enjoyed just got extremely lucky!
NO. that is a ridiculous method of thinking about things.
online dating is a statistically highly effective method of making actually meaningful, life-long relationships. you’re assuming an already damned position, here…
Honestly, I think maybe your age just means there are fewer men who fit, so it might take longer. Your age range also seems a little tight - why 53 as the youngest?
Also, if that really was your opening message, it sounds a little formulaic. I think there’s an online dating thread here - perhaps they could give you advice?
You sound like a lovely person, but it’s not always obvious how to get that across in a dating profile. I’ve seen a couple of friends’ profiles where they apparently expected everyone to know how wonderful they were by telepathy, and others where they just glurged on so much that it easily became tl;dr. Or where they emphasised certain aspects of their life in a way that prospective dates might think that’s the be-all-and-end-all - like maybe men think you only want someone who really, really loves horses.
