Only 2 dates, but Valentines Day is Friday. What to do?

In My Humble Opinion
1

So, ole’ me, who rarely dates, has been on 2 in the past week.

I think I’m smitten. Or at least heavily in lust.

We met because she’s the daughter of a co-worker’s friend, and she met me because she needed some legal advice (in truth, I was being set up). She then sought me out on social media, and we exchanged texts before meeting up.

That first meeting was at a downtown bar. We had a few drinks. The second was dinner. Both ended with a passionate kiss. After dinner, last night, I held her hand as we walked to her car. I also grabbed her butt when she was kissing me.

That’s the full extent of the physical stuff. But we’ve been exchanging texts. Just random stuff about our day.

Which leads to Friday.

It’s Valentine’s Day. We won’t be together (she’s going out of town for some bachelorette party with friends), but I’d hate to miss paying any attention to it when things are going well.

At the same time, I don’t want to overdo it.

I mean, we are miles from “love”. And while I am really really really eager to get intimate, that hasn’t happened either. I haven’t even seen her naked, despite my best efforts at x-ray vision,

So what’s plan? I’m thinking a dozen roses sent to her work (she’s a dental assistant). With a card, and something about “it’s been amazing getting to know you, and I can’t wait for what’s to come”, but no use of the word love.

Your thoughts? This is goofy adolescent shit (and part of me is kind of embarrassed about the whole thing), but I figured I’d ask you folks anyway.

Thanks to all who reply.

2

I’d probably do some sort of flowers that aren’t roses but that’s mainly because I’ve known a couple women who didn’t care for roses much. Also, other flowers are less love related if you’re trying to avoid the implication. Maybe a bouquet of some other lovely mixed flowers. Note sounds fine to me. Or else maybe something like “Thinking of you today”. She’ll be aware that ‘today’ is Valentine’s Day.

Mind you, I’m only married as a cosmic lesson that anyone can potentially do it.

3

Okay, I have no business giving advice about dating. I think goofy adolescent shit is mostly okay. Having said that, here’s my advice. I think a dozen roses of any color is too much. Flowers are good, especially at the office, where others can see them arrive and be jealous and know that somebody thinks you’re really cool, etc. A small bouquet or arrangement would be plenty. As for the card, I like “it’s been wonderful* getting to know you.” But leave off the part about “can’t wait for what’s to come.” That could be seen as love bombing. Small steps. That’s my advice, FWIW

* I don’t care for the use of the word amazing in this context. That word is so misused as to have become meaningless IMHO.

Love bombing

https://g.co/kgs/nsSenVq

4

I am not a woman but I think a simple flower arrangement is good. We all know it is for Valentine’s Day but as long as you are not over-the-top with the card or add on a teddy bear as big as her (what movie is that from?) she can play it off as casual. My only question is delivery to her home or office?

5

Jesus Christ dude do not send flowers or anything else to her workplace. You don’t even know if she likes flowers or if she’s extremely private with her life amongst her co workers.

Send a sweet text with a heart that’s not red.

6

There’s a chance that she’d love the flowers but there’s a significant chance that she’ll think you’re insane and moving WAY too fast.

7

I’d pass on flowers at work at this point in your relationship. Something like that will generate a lot of questions from coworkers who will probably make the assumption that sex was involved. That would probably be way more than she’d want to deal with at this point.

What I might recommend is sending her something slightly tongue-in-cheek, like a text in the morning that says “Hey, on this completely ordinary and significant of nothing morning, I just happened to be thinking of you”. Something that isn’t too heavy but still lets her know that you were thinking of her.

8

Got it. My original idea was to just do 1 rose. But they don’t really offer that for delivery.

See, that was my thinking.

But then there’s

So now I’m not sure.

9

Do you even know if she likes flowers? Or is allergic to them?

I actually hated getting flowers. Everyone is different.

10

Fuck the flowers,

Got it.

11

I would personally be hesitant about sending flowers to her home instead of office based on a personal experience. I had a couple dates and it was Christmas time (so similar to the OP). I got her a small gift that could be interpreted as from a friend if she were so inclined. She wasn’t home so I left it outside her gate so absolutely no intrusion beyond Amazon dropping off a package. She completely freaked out about how dare I violate her personal space like that. Also, I’ve know some women that would think flowers at work to be the greatest thing ever so they can show off to their friends. Also admittedly, those are the sort of women who by midway through the first date are already on the phone with mom planning the wedding.

12

Yes, this.

13

Also, reading how the dates went, if Moriarty sends flowers to her work and she reacts as, “Woah dude, too fast.” then #redflag

14

Find an old comic book; they always had ads in the back for x-ray vision specs. :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

I know you’ve ruled it out but there is a jeweler who advertises gold-dipped real roses ‘designed to last a lifetime’* in 52 different varieties; he sells singles; they cost between $60-120 per.

-* I’m guessing that’s supposed to be your lifetime, not the lifetime of a cut rose.

15

She has been texting me “good morning”. And today she told me she had a dream about me (and I responded with “what a coincidence, since you’re the woman of my dreams”. Her reply: “Oh, I like that”)

So does that seem like I’m not really making any effort if I just send her a text on Valentines Day? Shouldn’t I do something on the romantic side?

16

It’s hard to go wrong with a classy but small box of chocolates, privately given, that she can share or keep to herself as she chooses.

Good luck! Really, things sound promising. But I agree with those who counsel, “Don’t rush.”

17

If she’s out of town anyway, eh, maybe just give it a few extra days and ask her out again when she’s back? She’s out having fun with friends, possibly a wild night, so let her enjoy that… absence makes the blood flow quicker or something like that. If she’s thinking of ya and wants attention, she’s always free to text you, but otherwise, don’t overdo it. Don’t introduce any weird ambiguities over text. If you must send something, a simple “hope you’re having fun at the party… excited to get together again when you’re back!” is enough unless she wants to continue the convo. Let her decide.

When she gets back, you can take her out someplace and give her a cute box of treats then, maybe with a funny card that says something more along the lines of “I think I like you” and not “omg will you marry me”.

Don’t send anything conspicuous to her work. It’s too soon for that. Even if she likes you a lot, it’s still going to inspire a ton of office gossip (at a dental office? with mostly women hygienists? give her a chance to feel out the situation on her own before having to field all her coworkers’ interrogations, lol). If you want to give her any flowers at all, do so in private when you see her again, in a small and unobtrusive way (i.e. a small arrangement in its own tiny vase) that she doesn’t have to fanangle around all day. Fine to skip them entirely too; you’re not a couple yet.

Really… just relax :slight_smile: Better to acknowledge it after the fact than to jump the gun and make a whole thing out of it too soon. Don’t be needy or clingy.

Anecdotally, I first met my SO a couple weeks before Valentine’s too. We did spend it together, with a small basket of treats. I didn’t make a big deal out of it, just asked her “Want to do anything Fri night? It doesn’t have to be whole big Valentine’s production or anything, I know we just met, but if you don’t other plans, we could go do something fun?” Still together a few years later, so I guess that worked out?

18

I am very curious to see what advices the Dopers give and how things work out. I have a long history of missing signals and the relationships I have been in have all been unusual in one way or another.

I will be seeing my beloved this Friday night. We will be going to some variety of restaurant and then seeing The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

I greatly fear that she will get me a practical gift.

19

I really hope you two are going to dress up :slight_smile:

20

She is not sure what she will be wearing. I will be wearing my terrycloth tuxedo coat with tails.

I threw out nearly all my clothing when I moved from my first apartment after the discovery of vast amounts of toxic mold. I kept something like 5 items of clothing. My beloved is a germophobe and insisted that those items be specially cleaned at a dry cleaner that dealt with mold. I kept the terrycloth tuxedo coat with tails. I specifically told the movers to pack the matching hat. If they did, it is somewhere else.