good idea! something to bring out the kids in them, an activity, bounce eat then go to the next party
take out is a must, the stress of prepping food on top of it all would send me over the edge. keep it simple i think too
Many years ago when I had just finished grad school, I wanted to throw a party and invited a number of my classmates. Most said they would come. On the evening of the party, however, it snowed and I think that they all decided not to go out after all–but not one phoned to tell me so.
I still remember that evening: the snow on the trees, the large amount of food on the table, and John Carpenter’s Prince of Darkness on the TV (I planned to shut that off if/when anybody showed up, but ended up watching the whole movie). I was upset at the time. On the other hand, I thought I was going to miss those people once we graduated and went our separate ways… and that evening helped me get over* that* pretty quickly.
That is so sad. 
We throw at least 1 party per year and it’s hard for me because I have social anxiety.
We just had a nye party and we invited about 40 people and we got about 10 to come. No big deal really, I had a good time and we were really only expecting 15-20 to come. (We are well aware that people are flakes by now)
But I do have a problem with the people who said they would come but then didn’t - 10 people catered for who did not even bother to message us to apologise.
But I comfort myself with the knowledge that people who don’t throw parties really just don’t ‘get it’
One of the women I invited who was a no show confided to me recently that she didn’t have any friends. I felt for her at the time but now I see that she is setting her life up to be that way, not only did she not take the opportunity to meet more people but I don’t want to be her friend anymore now either. I might have felt differently if she had’ve at least texted to apologise but she didn’t.
I’m having another party in June next year - a much bigger one and I am issuing invitations with no venue this time.
I’m going to be tough and have a solid RSVP date and if they don’t reply in time then they won’t get the venue address.
I’m not giving invitations to people who have flaked out in the past - meaning people who said they were coming and then never came, because f them.
I wonder if this will make any difference?
lol, people - can’t live with them, can’t live without them.
Fewer-than-expected turnouts often become impromptu orgies. Depends on who you invite.
This oldfashioned way of giving parties is going the way of the dodo.
People are busy, they are tired, and they won’t come to a party unless they can combine it with at least two other goals in life.
Sitting around, waiting room style, with clumsy fattening food that isn’t your favourite, is a waste of time. People will only do that if they are either desperate, true friends, or threatened with social drama.
So, if you don’t want to extort attendance, you either offer an activity that people would want to do anyway, or you offer them entertainment for their whole families.
For instance, for my 30th birthday, in mid summer, I invited about 20 people for canoeing on a nearby river. Everyone that was invited showed up. Most people had wanted to paddle a canoe anyway, and it was more attractive for them to do it in a group of somewhat friendly people then in a group of total strangers. Plus, I paid and arranged the whole thing.
As for offering family entertainment, take the example of the people in our street who wanted to host a housewarming party around December 5. They invited everyone in the street, including kids, and they also arranged for a Santa Claus (We celebrate Santa Claus around Dec 5) to come. So the parents in the street had not one (party!), but five more incentives to come:
1 Look at the new house;
2 Meet neighbourhood people;
3 Meet other parents and kids in the neighbourhood, for future playdates;
4 Offer their kids a kid friendly party, so they didn’t have to arrange a babysitter but could take the kids with them;
5 They shared the costs of renting a Santa.
6 Party!
Needless to say, the party was a huge success.
Nowadays, for my birthday mid august I invite families from the neighbourhood, and a few friends, to go pick blackberries and making jam. We end the party with eating vanilla icecream with hot blackberry sauce on top. Everyone I invite comes, and it costs me less then 15 bucks in jam sugar and ice.
Maastricht’s post is spot-on.
But no one came up with my answer to no-shows at a party: relief.
If I invite 10 people to game night and no one shows up and I watch TV instead, I feel like I dodged a huge bullet.
Rysler, I might feel relief too. I’m always hugely relieved if my parties are over, as well 
Entertaining is hard for the (somewhat) introverted.
Some more ideas for low-budget parties that offer incentives:
- clothes swaps parties for women.
- moving parties and house painting parties, with the understanding that you’ll return the favour. Offer pizza and hanging out afterwards.
-book clubs. Most people love the incentive to read new books and exchange books.
-some course that isn’t routinely available. Hire a Yoga instructor together and each person hosts one session at her home.
To the OP: Did Ms. Bridezilla of the 5-Hour Shower get married, and if so, are they still together?
Looks like we have a solution right here!
Except for the “entertainment for their whole families” part.
Yes. And they seem to be doing well. Of course, I have to have every mundane and boring detail of their married life now. But that’s a topic for another thread.
Disclaimer: I have a Y chromosome. Fortunately, however, I can read about the fairer sex’s expectations on such things. I’d really like to know what Miss Manners would say, but I only found this before tiring of the search:
http://www.elegantwoman.org/bridal-shower-etiquette.html
Errr—did she register for lots of expensive gifts? Maybe some people can only afford a gift for the wedding, not for the shower as well? Or is she possibly such a bridezilla that she’s offended her circle? Or maybe she didn’t attend their showers or otherwise offended them? Maybe she just doesn’t have that many close friends to begin with.
And, though I possess that chromosome, I have been around people who do not. I have heard, “Oh, GOD, I hope she doesn’t ask me to be a bridesmaid! I don’t know her that well (or other reason)!” Intentional or not, there can be some emotional blackmail, as you yourself fell kinda prey to.
I think too that we live in a time when rituals are going the way of the dinosaurs. A lot of people won’t attend the wedding at the church, but they’ll be there for the alcohol at the reception, that kind of thing. Maybe the MoH miscalculated—if she’d invited everybody to a Chippendales performance instead, who knows?
I have to say, the MoH’s bashing was really ill-advised and out of line. “X didn’t come. What’s her problem, etc.?” and you’re sitting there thinking, “X is a friend. I need to defend her!”
And as for you, OP, I wonder about adopting a more “Cruel to be kind” stance. I mean, you feed a stray dog once and it will follow you forever. When that first baby comes along and they’re planning the baby shower, you’re at the top of the list to be invited bc you attended the bridal shower. DOH!
Sorry for your train wreck.
[ol]
[li]If most of the invitees accepted affirmatively then didn’t show up, I’d be mad.[/li][li]If most or all of the invitees declined, I’d be sad.[/li][/ol]
You’re right about not taking it personally. It could be that people wanted to come but various obligations and events kept them from coming. You could hold a party one day and no one comes, but if you chose to hold the party just a week later then almost everyone on the guest list comes. I’ve had parties when just a few people showed up, and some where a lot of people attended. It’s hard to predict.
For a graduation party, I’d be careful when you choose to have the party. The likelihood is that a lot of people will be having graduation parties in the same time period, so you don’t want to have yours at the exact same time another family is across town and a lot of your guests end up going to that one instead. After you schedule a time, there’s of course no way to prevent someone else from then scheduling another party at the same time. But you could get a commitment from a few close friends who you could trust to definitely be there. I’ve done that before, since I know that if I throw a party and not many people are there, but my friends Amanda or Jennifer are there, it’ll still be fun. If none of my close friends can definitely come at the time I’m scheduling, then I’d question whether it’s a good time for a party and whether anyone would be able to come, then I might plan on having it on a different date.
I don’t see how not saying where the venue is initially will make a difference in people who RSVP and then don’t show up. I’m assuming your invitation will have all the necessary information (date, time, what type of party it is, etc.) on it, and just not the venue. For flakes, here’s how it will go:
[ol]
[li]A couple you invite will receive the invitation[/li][li]The couple will read “BBQ on June 7” and think it sounds like fun. They like BBQs, they like you, they think they should go ahead and RSVP[/li][li]They RSVP, and receive the name and place of the venue[/li][li]The day of the BBQ, they decide to not go. It could be any number of reasons: one or both of them is feeling sick, they’re feeling tired, a better invitation came up, one of them has to go to work last minute and the other one doesn’t feel like going alone, a family member unexpectedly came in town to visit, or just a BBQ sounded fun when they received the invitation but right now they just want to lay around and watch Netflix. [/li][/ol]
I don’t think there’s an 100% way of preventing this. You can cut out the people who in the past have RSVP’d and not shown up, but I’m afraid that some people have flaked out on you before, and some people just haven’t flaked out on you yet. Of the 10 people who came to your party, some of them probably are very firm on their commitments, and would have been at your party no matter what, unless they were in a major car crash on the way over. But some might have ditched your party if their friend down the street had asked them over for margaritas. But since that friend was out of town, they ended up going to your party.
I’m probably sounding cynical, but I think the way culture is changing. You can rage at the world and cut out all the people who flake out on you, but you might end up cutting out a lot of people.
Sometimes I read stuff like this about how the culture is changing and I am glad to be old. Anyone else?
Hell, yes!
I feel like I’ve been dropped into another country without one of those “How to be a Perfect Stranger in . . .” books during 90% of my waking hours.
I thought that, like straight weddings, all of these bridal/“maid”/shower things had fallen out of practice. It hasn’t come up in years in my world. 
Gay marriage may be taking off, but there are still plenty of straight people getting married, I assure you.
