Only in America - Christmas trees for couch potatoes

Weirdness. Well, I ain’t gettin’ a tree this year, 'cause my life is barren, but I think I’d prefer no tree at all to the couch-potato variety.

So what do you do? Sit on the couch, aim the remote control at the tree and press it… once. On the 20th December. And then, you do it again… once. On the 6th January.

Oh, the labour salvation!

Yeah, that’s the basic idea. Press a button to turn it on, another to turn it off. From what I hear there’s other buttons to change the sequence of the flashing lights. I’m guessing that next year’s advances will include a “rotate” button.

New in the 2004 Auto-Tree!

High Speed Internet Access!

No more same-old same-old ! Now you can download twinkle patterns in real time, in just seconds!

Bragging Feature!*

Tired of trying to tell everyone about how great your tree is? No problem. Now your tree will tell them for you! Just put thier numbers into the easy autodialer system and your tree will soon be the envy of all your friends!

Automatic Decorations!

Throw out those old decorations that you’ve had for years and years. The 2004 Auto-Tree will docorate itself with tasteful, non-denominational orbs!

Carry Along Feature!

Have the Spirit of Christmas with you everywhere you go! At the press of a button your tree with close itself up into a handy carrying case. Show off your tree at the office party, family gathering, or grocery store!

MP3, VCD, and DVD player!

Ever wanted to hear your Christmas tree recite “The Night Before Christmas?” Of course yo have, and now you CAN! Our integrated digital surround sound speaker system will have you feeling warm and cozy just before Santa comes!

*Requires 1-month Digital Roaming plan. Offer good while supplies last. Offer void in Texas, Alabama, and Nebraska.

For years I had a “tree” (at my swinging bachelor pad) that was about 15 inches high and it was decorated and lighted already when I got it, it was great! when I got home from thanksgiving I just slapped it onto the table, plugged it in and it was good to go until new years day when I unplugged it and shoved it back into the box (ready for next year), but now I have kids so I string lights and stuff, I have really gotten into it in the last couple of years, we have a little train that goes around the base of the tree (with real smoke and everything!).