This isn’t meant as a dig at you (as always seems to be assumed in these threads), but a lot of people don’t know that 20% isn’t going to the barstaff themselves.
When I worked hotel catering stuff for a brief period, we were paid a slightly higher hourly wage than the bartenders from the bar, and that 20% (18% in my case I think) went to the hotel to pay our wages.
I bartended a Superbowl party thrown by a company from Wisconsin. It was the year the Packers beat the Patriots. I only agreed to do it as I was a huge Packers fan because I would make out like a bandit - the party was for 100 people or so, and it was just me on the booze side because the other guy called in “sick”. So I brought along my Lambeau Field mug as a tip jar, only for the guy who threw the event to ask me not to put it out, and he would take care of me later. Which he did - $50.
I just think it’s tacky to give someone a gift that someone else paid for. You, the general you, can see they worked for it but if we, the people who drank, didn’t pay for it, what would they give their cousin and spouse? An empty jar? :dubious:
My parents hosted their 50th anniversary party and they had an open bar. They made it very clear to the bartender that he was not to put a tip jar out - they would be covering his gratuity. My folks have always been generous tippers and they’d never impose upon their guests by permitting a tip jar. Personally, I find tip jars in such situations to be extremely tacky. If I’m invited somewhere as someone’s guest, I don’t expect to have to open my wallet.
A public affair is a different situation, but at a private party, that’s the hosts’ responsibility.
At what point does it stop? If the bartender you tip uses the money to pay rent, and the landlord uses it to buy hookers and blow, is that also a problem? Once you let go of money, it’s not yours. The person you give it to can do whatever they want with it.
They gave their cousin and spouse several hours of work/missed out on the reception themselves. And for all you know they ALSO gave some sort of gift.
I’m a teacher. Taxpayers pay my salary. If I give someone a generous wedding gift, do taxpayers have the right to be angry that I took their money to give to someone else? I just don’t see how this is different.
The only place I didn’t tip my bartender was in Tokyo, because they always refused when I tried to give them one. But other than that, always tip your bartender.
I know because I was told so. The cousins acted like they were somebody for giving such a big gift. :rolleyes: I just think it takes a HUGE set of balls to have someone else fund your gift and then brag about it.
There are some things I can’t support morally, but it’s not the point of why I’m mad. I’m MAD because someone double dipped. So, you’re telling me if you went to an occansion and gave money/a gift you have no problem with funding someone else’s gift?
I wouldn’t be funding someone else’s gift. I’d be giving a tip in return for service. Once I gave it, it wouldn’t be mine anymore. They, as a totally separate action, would be turning around and giving a gift of their money. It’s not double-dipping because it was given to them. They had the choice to keep it or give it, so giving it was a gift they made. I don’t see why them keeping the money would have been ok, but giving it away makes it “double dipping”.
Did you give them tips out of the goodness of your heart or because they were providing you a service? If the latter, then THEY funded the gift, because they earned the money.
Once the money leaves your hand, you have no say-so as to what’s done with it anymore. It became THEIR money. What they chose to do with it has nothing to do with you. And expecting them to TELL you what they intend to do with it is incredibly snotty.
It’s double dipping because the people who funded their gift already gave to their cause.
Let me ask you this, then I’m done. Let’s there’s some type of charity going around. Like I don’t know sound money to Tornado victims. You give money to it. The next day, I ask if you want to donate to my charity. Let’s say I raise a lot of money by doing this to several people. Then, I donate this money to the Tornado charity and act like it was all my money. Would that bother you?
I know it wasn’t all going to the barstaff- there were after all waiters and waitresses serving food.But I’m certain it was going to the service staff. I had to bring cash because the employees were going to be given their share at the end of the event. If the catering hall (not hotel, and that may make a difference) was going to pay a higher hourly wage , they would have accepted a check just like they did for the rest of the payments.
Even if it was going from the hotel to you in the form of higher wages - it’s still going to you and eliminates the most common justification given for the practice of tipping, which is that the tipped person makes a sub-minimum wage.
I was going to use this very situation as an example of what **didn’t **happen. They didn’t ask you to contribute to a joint gift to the bride and groom and then take all the credit. You tipped them for serving you drinks , and once you gave them the tip, it was their money, just as it would have been if you gave them the same tip a week earlier at an unrelated event.
And if you and the other guests didn’t tip them, they still would have given their cousin the gift of not needing to hire bartenders.
That’s not what happened. Let’s say your waitress at IHOP did a great job, so you tipped her $20. You overhear her later remarking to someone that she donated $20 to Tornado Relief. Do you get pissed because she’s taking credit for “your” $20? How is this different?
It’s not the same situation. I’m taking about a situation where someone knows the person(s) are giving money to a certain cause. I feel it was double dipping.
Out of curiousity, would the question I posed about charity annoy you?
Yes, but it’s not analogous. The only way it would be is if the open bar had had a sign that said “TIPS FOR THE BRIDE AND GROOM” and then the bartenders had bragged about giving a gift that they really solicited from other people. People tipped the bartenders thinking the bartenders were keeping the money. The bartenders instead gave away the money. How does giving away the money make the bartenders selfish when keeping the money would not have?
ETA: Out of curiosity, would you be mad at the waitress in the situation I gave? What if she knew you ALSO gave money for tornado relief? How is that different?
No, I wouldn’t be mad at the waitress even if she knew.
I’m more mad because I feel, as do my friends, that the bride and groom were in on it. I just really feel like “Well, your gift of blank wasn’t enough”, :mad:
Sounds like you got your knickers in a knot, YaraMateo, but Manda Jo and others in this thread are right. Even if the bride and groom were “in on it”, once you’ve given the money to the bartender, it’s theirs to do with as they please.
You could be mad about the broo-haa-haa made over the bartenders because the size of their gift was more generous than yours but that’s a different issue all together. That’s a disrespectful remark from the bride and groom.
Compare your tip to the bartender as your paycheck from your employer. You are being paid for services rendered. Once the money is given to you, your employer has no say in what you use it for. Your tip to the bartender is part of their salary. Period.
You should be mad at the newlyweds for being tactless and quit punishing the poor blokes behind the bar at future events.
I can understand that - but it’s the bride and groom you should be mad at. Because really , if the cousins said “We’ll tend bar at your wedding and we’ll give you any tips we get” that was time for the B&G to say, " No, please don’t accept tips from our guests to give them to us"
Sure do. It’s just my little way of saying “you’ve got a shit job”. But I don’t do it for all people with shit jobs (like the temp worker, the call center girl, the med tech, the house painter), just people I come into contact with while I’m enjoying myself. It makes sense.
So you gave the bride and groom a gift, then ate the dinner and drank the free booze that the happy couple (or their families) paid for, but the cousins who WORKED instead of freeloading and then gave their tips away used and abused you, because you handed over a few bucks when you ordered all those free drinks? They should be ashamed, giving so much. How untactful.
To answer your question, no, it wouldn’t bother me at all if the money I willingly gave someone was used as a gift to someone else, it’s their money to do whatever they want with.
