In retrospect, turning the ball over every fucking play was maybe not a good strategy for this game. It seemed like maybe you had some sort of team-wide competition to see who could find the worst possible time to fumble or throw an interception. I know this is a rebuilding year, but come on guys.
Dear Michigan State,
I don’t like you, you don’t like me. that said, please beat the crap out Notre Dame next week.
Dear Lions,
Please be less of a terrible embarrassment to the sport of football this week. Here’s a free tip, when the other team has the ball, you are supposed to tackle them. It might seem more gentlemanly to respect the players personal space and give them some room, but I assure you that roughhousing is well within the rules of the game.
You are no longer Stanley Cup contenders, and until your massive goaltending problems are fixed, you will not contend again. The sooner you realize this, the shorter and less painful the process of returning to contending status will be.
Dear Arizona Diamondbacks:
Pulling Brandon Webb in the 8th inning almost cost you the game. Brandon Lyon is a closer without the C.
Dear Arizona Cardinals:
You need to embarass the Dolphins this weekend. You’re going to win the NFC West and get back to the playoffs. But, may as well get a 12-4 record and clinch home field advantage.
Why did you guys wait until the year after I split to be really, really good? It’s because I actively rooted for Maryland the year before, isn’t it?
…
Dear Atlanta Hawks,
I’m just kidding - you’re on no one’s list of favorite sports teams. But way to go making the playoffs with 37 wins, then deciding that a good off-season would include extending the contract of a coach who’s hated by your best players and losing your sixth man to Greece. Nicely done, going from leaguewide laughingstock to surprise playoff performers and back to leaguewide laughingstock faster than than the Clippers did two years ago.
This week you’ve repeatedly said you want the fans behind you at the home opener. Rest assured that if your performance is the same as last week, we’ll be behind you as we chase you into the Mississippi.
Dear Peter Angelos,
Get your god damn hands off of the Orioles. I know it’s a crazy idea, but you might think about hiring somebody who actually 1) cares about the team and 2) knows about baseball… and then let him work without second-guessing everything he ever does.
I’m sure you already know this after last season’s collapse, but let me remind you that SEPTEMBER IS THE WORST TIME TO PLAY LIKE IT’S 2002. The season doesn’t end August 28. A seven-game lead heading into the final month does not mean you’re a shoo-in and you can rest on your laurels. There’s still games on the schedule. There’s other teams closing in fast. Now sound off like you got a pair!
Sincerely, someone who was born the same year you last went to playoffs.
They had one in Detroit a couple years ago when the Steelers won. I’m not surprised you missed hearing about it. It’s not like it was a big game with amazing plays or anything.
Will you please institute the jockstraps-only clothing policy when playing matches that I suggested - the delay in this happening is unacceptable. I’m starting to think you don’t want me to see Stephen Gerrard in a jockstrap or something.