Oh.
I thought it was William Randolph Hearst’s pet name for Marion Davies most private spot
Constance was plenty weird alright, but it was actually her sister Merricat (the narrator!) who poisoned the family. After the fire, the townsfolk rightly regard them as malevolent forces to be placated with offerings of food.
John, also a narrator, ruins the world by introducing Ice Nine into the oceans, turning all the planet’s water into useless powder. He ultimately meets his prophet, Bokonon.
Uncle Ben was killed by the very burglar Spidey neglected to stop at the TV station–because he felt like being a dick!
The Color Purple – Celie’s children – a boy and girl – by the man her mother was married to, aren’t fathered by her biological father, like she thought they were.
The Hours – Meryl Streep’s gay friend, Richard, who is dying in her portion of the tri-part story, is the little boy in the 50s scenes whose mother is Laura.
And they lived happily ever after.
The butler did it.
The Red Sox won.
Whenever I hear this line mentioned I can’t resist telling the story of my friend who somehow made it to the age of 19 or so without ever having watched ESB or having the scene spoiled for him. So in his case it was more like:
Vader: Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father.
Luke: He told me enough! He told me you killed him!
Vader: No, I am your father!
tim314’s friend: OH MY GOD!!! :eek: :eek: :eek:
Wu Ming decides to spare the Qin emperor at the last minute, deciding that he is what’s necessary to stop the warring factions, and thus martyrs himself to the emperor’s palace guards; the other assassins commit suicide, the plot having failed.
None of the Three Kingdoms even makes it to the end of the era: Wei gets supplanted by Jin, who then conquers Shu and Wu; the whole area gets overrun by nomadic hordes from the north a mere generation later.
Ieyasu Tokugawa ends up surviving his colleagues and uniting all of Japan; his shogunate stays in power until the modernization of Japan.
The Titanic sinks due to a combination of arrogance and bad planning, but as a result future giant cruise liners are better prepared in case of disaster.
Pearl Harbor gets bombed in a surprise run by the Japanese, but this only serves to galvanize American public opinion into formally entering WWII halfway through.
Hitler underestimates the time he needs to conquer Russia, fights a losing war in two fronts, and commits suicide in his underground Berlin bunker.
After much deliberation, Truman decides to use the Atomic Bomb to end the war in the Pacific theater.
…what? Historical fiction still counts, doesn’t it? 
The preacher gives in and they get to have the dance after all.
He holds up a boom box and makes her cry.
Ferris makes it home in time. The car does not.
The Iron Giant saves everyone from the nuke by sacrificing himself. And he’s not really dead - he’s rebuilding himself someplace where it’s really cold.
Oh, man, I was going to pay some attention to the non-porn portion of Western literature just next week!
The Octopus wants a vase of Hercules’ blood to make him immortal, and he gave the Spirit super-healing powers as an experiment.
Setsuko starves to death. Seita carries her ashes around in a tin until he, too, dies.
Kiki saves the town from the zeppelin.
Shinji goes insane and Asuka ends up a vegetable. Pretty much everyone else dies. (as far as I remember)
Fanelia is rebuilt. Allen Schezar is the biological father of Princess Marlene’s son. Dilandau is revealed to be Allen’s long-lost sister and returns to her true form, no longer evil. Hitomi and Van declare their love for each other, but Hitomi must return to Earth.
(and one that isn’t over yet)
Naruto is the son of the 4th Hokage, Minato Namikaze, and Kushina Uzumaki, a kunoichi from the former Whirlpool Country. He has his mom’s last name so that the 4th’s enemies don’t know who he is. (Which sounds stupid to me - I mean, anyone who’s seen a picture of the 4th and then looked at Naruto can see the resemblance.) Oh yeah, Jiraiya’s dead - the leader of Akatsuki killed him.
Dracula dies
Frankenstein dies
Godzilla dies (three times)
King Kong dies
Well, I suppose I should take this one off the rental list.
Harry Angel IS Johnny Favourite.
Also, that Lou Cypher dude is actually Old Nick, and if you deal with him you are going to Hell…
Hazel goes to the farm and sets the dog loose so it can be decoyed over to Watership Down and attack General Woundwort and the besieging rabbits. Woundwort is too crazy to run from even a dog; persistent rumour has it that he escaped, but he is never seen again and eventually becomes a child-scaring legend almost worthy of an El-ahrairah story himself. Hazel meanwhile is caught unawares by a farm cat, but the farmer’s daughter saves him and gets the doctor to take him home in a car. Hazel returns to the Down and finds Bigwig seriously wounded from fighting Woundwort, but alive. Everyone lives happily for the remainder of a rabbit’s natural lifespan, and eventually Hazel dies at a very ripe old age dreaming he is being taken away by El-ahrairah (or maybe he is - how could we know?).
When Keanu Reeves sacrifices himself to save the Earth every machine in the world shuts down, this is the Earth Standing Still
So he kills thousands of people in the end?
If they had pacemakers I guess…
Or life support of any kind, or people in airplanes, or in submarines …
She Kills Bill.