My wife and her sister manage the finanaces and care for their mother, who has dementia and is in assisted living. Neither sister received a “save-the-date” for the wedding, tho both were invited to - and declined - the luncheon.
Yesterday my wife went to visit her mom, and helped her look thu her unopened mail. In the mail was an invite to the wedding. Inside was a (supposedly clever) poem saying - in essence - we didn’t register anywhere so, if you are giving a gift, we’d prefer cash.
So they sent an invitation to a demented reletive in assisted living, who not only wouldn’t be able to read the invite and realize who was getting married, but would have no way of going to the corner store let alone an out-of-state wedding. Yet they openly request that one of the daughters - who handles her finances, but was not invited to the wedding - cut them a check.
Not sure what alternatives I see other than clueless and/or rude. :smack:
My suggestion was that they respond, accepting OBO the old lady, and saying: “My daughters would normally take care of me as I attend the wedding, but since they weren’t invited, this is the time that you can pick me up at the airport.” No, I’m not a nice person!
Is it always gauche to mention gifts on an invitation? If the couple doesn’t want a bunch of stuff but still wants to enjoy the generosity of others, what would be the best way to convey this desire?
I do think it is odd that the bride’s great-aunt(?) was invited but not the cousins. Unless, that is, they had perfectly valid reasons for not wanting a bunch of cousins at their wedding. And I can think of some valid reasons.
It could also be that the bride doesn’t really know how demented her great-aunt is, and/or she sent her an invitation because she sent one to all the elders of the family.
Yes, it is. Mentioning gifts on the invitation makes one look as if they are expecting a gift, which isn’t the reason one invites someone to share one’s special day.
Yeah, it’s always gauche - like D’Anconia said, it implies that you’re expecting a gift and that you get to order whatever gift you want. You’re supposed to just be thankful for whatever gifts you get, even if they’re not exactly what you wanted.
The only thing you can do is mention to a couple of your nearest and dearest (bridesmaid, best man, parents) that instead of giving gifts you really hope people contribute to your honeymoon fund, or whatever, and give them permission to tell anyone who actually asks ‘What would the couple really like?’
Sometimes you send a courtesy invitation to people who you don’t expect to come, but feel would like to know about the wedding and would feel upset if they weren’t invited.
Now your great-aunt fits part of this, she is an older member of the family who, if she were just a resident in a nursing home, would show it off to staff and visitors, but in her circumstances, especially with your wife and her sister being the one to see it, is just odd.
I entirely fail to see what the insult is supposed to be, here. You got invited to a celebration of your kinsfolk’s wedding. If you want to celebrate with that kinsfolk, and it’s logistically reasonable for you to do so, then go.
