The daughter works evenings and weekends. She only works 12-9 on Mondays.
CairoCarol - love that suggestion. Thanks!
Hmm - hope this is largely a measure of the limitations of posting to a message board. Not aware that I’m really “upset” with my daughter about anything. I readily admit that it has been an interesting challenge navigating the dynamics of being the parent of adult children. Don’t want to get into a long discussion of it, but it is different from how we conducted ourselves the past 20+ years. But generally things are going really well. Don’t think my we are upset with our daughter or she is upset with us about anything significant.
Since she is an adult, we are in no position to tell her how she ought to act, or to comment her choices should we disagree. (Well, I admit we are opinionated loudmouths, so I can’t guarantee we keep silent. But we think before we talk, and readily acknowledge she can ignore or reject our input. We have lived a bunch more life than her, and we all share pretty common values. So as someone who cares about her and her family, we prefer to offer our opinions in what we consider important or helpful situations. But we respect the primacy of her immediate family unit, and keep our mouths shut a hell of a lot more often.)
One big thought is that we tried to raise our kids so they would be independent adults. I couldn’t care less what her family’s income is, so long as they pursue a lifestyle their income can cover, and don’t expect others to support it through donations of money, time, or effort. I’m not sure any “life lesson” is more important to me than the idea that if you want something, you’d better figure out a way to afford it. I also learned from my dad that there is no harm in asking, so long as you are prepared to graciously accept “no” for an answer.
In our opinion, having a kid is a HUGE commitment. And if you aren’t willing or able to be employed at a level that supports that choice, then we think it behooves you to either be willing to put in considerable “sweat equity” and bear considerable inconveniences yourself, or you should be prepared to be extremely flexible and appreciative of any assistance any one else offers.
My daughter and her husband bought a modest home in a comfortable town, and other than retiring a small amount of his college loans, they have incurred no more debt. They both have careers they love and that I greatly respect - associated with libraries and a major museum. Personally, I’m happy I raised my kid to value things other than simply acquiring money. To us it was apparent that they matured tremendously the moment their baby was born. They’ll be fantastic parents. I’m sure this is just another stage in all of our growth processes.