There’s a new guy where my husband works, he’s been there about a month. My husband often takes a backpack to the office with him. Last night at dinner he was telling us about this conversation that took place between him and the new guy.
NG: That’s a nice backpack.
H: Thanks
NG: Where’d you get it?
H: My sister gave it to me.
NG: You should give it to me.
H: Yeah, I don’t think so
NG: You didn’t buy it, it’s a nice bag.
Anyway, my husband said this craziness went on for quite awhile. He finally said to new guy, look, if I was going to give it to someone, there are a lot of other people I’d give it to before you. At this point, new guy looks like his feelings have been hurt.
My read on it was maybe he thought it was funny at first which it wasn’t and new guy thinks he’s a real comedian instead of a pain in the ass. Our teenager may have nailed it though. She said, it sounds like grade school bs. He’s a bully and was trying to intimidate you, he’s an ass. Anyway, I thought the whole thing was bizarre. I work with kids and if I had been relating the story as something that went on between two kids I think I could understand it but I’m having trouble wrapping my head around the idea that this was an adult. Any thoughts?
Some people are pushy and insist that the way the want is the way they should get.
I had a co-worker a while back that like my jacket, and offered to buy it from me. They asked what I paid for it, I answered, thinking that they wanted to buy their own, but then they insisted that I should sell it to them for half that price. My insistance that I had no desire to sell it, even for full price, made no difference. “It’s used, so I shouldn’t have to pay full price, half seems fair.”
Agreed - I would log this and if the weirdness continues I would share with mgmt. Folks with an inability to gauge social appropriateness can become increasingly problematic to coworkers as time goes by.
The guy is either nuts or into some kind of con. Either way, keep an eye on him. The con part of it is just some probing for a weakness, looking to see what someone can be convinced of, how they’ll react to the abnormal request. You have to watch out very carefully for when the guy makes what sounds like a more rational request for something, he’s probably got some motive and leaving out some important details, and he definitely isn’t planning to repay any favors done for him. Or he is a couple of tacos short of a combination platter and the sky’s the limit on what can wrong in that case.
Thanks for the input. My husband said he is going to start keeping a record of the behavior. He’s also going to contact their manager, who works out of a different state btw and give him a head’s up about the incident and tell him any other incidents and I’m going to HR, wanted you to be in the loop.
Is this new guy in a position that requires a certain level of intellect, or does he do some kind of non-complex manual labor?
Maybe he’s intellectually disabled.
If it’s weird mind games he should have said he isn’t getting the back pack, but I’ll give you $10 for your shoes. Not tomorrow, not after work and no, you aren’t getting my shoes in trade. Your shoes, that are on your feet, give them to me now and you’ll be a whole $10 richer.
I have dealt with individuals in the past who appeared as if they were unable to gauge correctly how others are receiving them and this story reminds me of those folks. It can be quite disconcerting to deal with someone who is seemingly incapable of reading the social cues other are giving off, especially when they seem to ignore signs we give off conveying embarrassment, discomfort and exasperation that most other folks will easily recognize and in so doing adjust their tact.
One of my coworkers has a mild form of autism that manifests in this manner, but understanding her condition makes it easier to work with her. Another former coworker who behaved in a similar fashion ended up losing his position when it became apparent through his actions that he was a sociopath who consistently made our clients and vendors uncomfortable. In that case the incident logs were vital in the process of termination, so I recommend immediately documenting all incidents just in case your husbands weirdo coworker turns out to be the latter instead of former.
I’d wait to bring it up with management. It’s just a single incident so far. The guy may have some weird sense of humor or something, he may have been probing to see who would rat him out, I don’t know what else, but it seems kind of weird in itself to go talk to management about this one weird incident.
To be clear, of all the possible explanations for this behavior, very few of them are innocent, I’d keep a real close eye on the guy, but it did only happen once.
There is a level of intellect required to do the job, my husband says he, (new guy), spends a lot of time on his phone, and then, surprisingly has lots of questions about what it is he’s supposed to be doing.
A worker like that in a job where the manager is in another state? Sounds like a recipe for problems of one kind or another.
The newbie might turn into that guy who shows up, does zero work for eight hours, goes home, and gets paid per normal at the end of the week. Every week. That’s about the best case.
The less-best case says he uses all his free time to create mischief / foment trouble with and between the rest of the people actually working. He’ll certainly foment resentment even if he keeps totally to himself.
Hope like heck he’s not the owner’s / CEO’s / other bigwig’s kid.
How old is this guy? It sounds like something college guys would say to each other and think is really funny. If he’s just out of college, he may be saying things which were part of the normal social interactions with his friends.
Regardless, he should still have awareness of social cues, verbal clues, body language, etc. that your husband wasn’t interested in playing along. I don’t necessarily see it as a problem that he brought it up in the first place, but the fact that he kept going means he doesn’t see or care that he was being rude. Hopefully if this is a recurring behavior, the situation will take care of itself.
I’m not sure how old he is, not college age, but younger than my husband who is 51. My husband said he’s probably in his 30’s. He’s not sure if he was married and is divorced, but he has at least one child, a teenager.