Is this normal? (Work related)

I started a job just recently at a Warehouse, it’s temporary and I started working and got to know some of the people there. Now it’s all different ages ranges, and I make some friends with guys my age, and friends with people older than me, and one person stands out in particular.

I started working with this guy and he’s in his late 40’s and married, apparently ex army, and gave guys drives to the centre of town after we finished work, he offered me a lift, and I was with some other guys so it was ok, thought nothing of it.

But now, I got a lift from him on my own and he was gonna go one way and he went another, turned out it was a backroute on a motorway to nearer where I lived, but my I got really worried, then he kept saying ‘do you know where we are’ as a joke and I had a roundabout idea, so he couldn’t fool me however, the minute I got in that car I knew it was a big mistake, like gut instinct.

Ok, that finished, and I vowed never to have a lift from him again, and for the last few weeks he has been very very persistant in wanting to give me a drive home, and even when I said my dad would drive me to work he said ‘no, it’s ok I’ll do that’ and I had to forcefully tell him no, my dad would do it. I told my father all about what’s been going on, plus various work collegues have also known about his behaviour, he always laughs at his own jokes but no one elses, and lies alot about what he’s got etc.

But they are saying that I should still get a drive from him, when my friends are in the car with him, but I still refuse.

Now I’ve changed routine and got a different job now in the warehouse, and they’ve been laying off alot of people. However, this guy apparently keeps asking if I’m gonna get the chop and it’s really worrying me.

So what should I do?

If he sets off your warning bells, listen to them. I know you need to get along with everybody at a new job, but it sounds like nobody else likes him either.

Trust your instincts for sure! The way you describe him sounds like he’s trolling for a victim. Of course he could just be socially awkward, but even so, it’s not your job to be his friend.

No, it’s not normal for someone to persistently offer to give a co-worker a lift, especially after you’ve refused several times already.

I hate that! I HATE THAT! There’s something wrong with that creep. It’s not like he doesn’t understand the concept of ‘no, I don’t want a ride from you’, but his underlying pathological reasons for getting you into his car are pushing him to keep trying to wear you down! … I would not engage him in conversation, would not be his work buddy, and if asked if ‘you want a lift?’ a thousand times more, don’t get into it, don’t explain you have other arrangements, just say, “no, thanks”, a thousand times right back. Creep. (And I’d tell people about this, just to document his behavior.)

If you were a woman, you wouldn’t have to wonder about it - everybody and his brother would say “Hell no don’t get in somebody’s car if you don’t trust them!”

He is hitting on you.

But apparently he’s a married guy, got kids and everything, another person vouched for that, that guy was my age.

So what? Lot;s of people have secret lives, or keep secrets from their families. I would bet there are more closeted gays than there are openly gay people. And many closeted gays of both sexes are married to members of the opposite sex.

So, in that sense, it IS normal.

This guy has some kind of crush on you. Could be romantic/sexual, could be he wants you to be his BFF, could be he wants you to be his next murder victim.

If your spidey sense is tingling, stay away! Don’t tell yourself you’re being ridiculous or silly or irrational. Listen to your gut.

I enjoy walking to work sometimes, and I walked along a path of a dual carriageway which leads straight to work and he saw me and stopped the car on the side of the road to offer me a lift, I was about a ten minute walk away from work. I said no but this is what I have to put up with.

Call your temp agency right away, is my advice (as a long term temp). They will not tolerate their [del]money maker[/del] worker being harassed. Just describe it simply as, “There’s a worker here who won’t stop trying to drive me home, and it’s making me extremely uncomfortable.”

[intentional allcaps]FOR OG’s SAKE LISTEN TO YOU GUT! /[intentional allcaps]

It is the part of your monkey brain that is intended to keep you from being eaten by large predators.

Gavin deBecker wrote awhole book about why this is a good idea, why people who don’t do it get killed & raped, and why it works.

Rationally, if you need it to convince yourself, here are two points in this guy’s behaviour that are worrysome:

1, His insistence on giving you a lift. This is not normal. Nice, polite people do not harrass others into accepting favours.

  1. His deliberate choice of backroads, ON TOP OF “kidding you” about knowing where you were. imho, this is was an “interview” to see if you are a good candidate for whatever he has in mind. Nevermind the poor humour, why the hell would a person just giving a honest lift not use the easiest fastest route.

If this man continues to pressure you, you may have to dial-back the niceness, and be more assertive in refusing. Many predators use the fear of being thought asshole-y to manipulate people into circumstances where they are more vulnerable.

Also, just about all self-defense and martial arts instructions teach that, even if you are being threatened with a weapon, you are more likely to live if you fight right there than to get into a car that will take you to the secondary crime scene. Don’t get tricked into it; that’s even easier to avoid.

Finally, if you can clarify your gender and age, it could help us get a better understanding of the dynamics and better advise you.

Good luck.

Be nice two times and then it’s “WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND ABOUT WHAT I SAID?”
Remember, its not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.

I don’t know what planet you’re from, but on this planet it’s obvious that the guy’s hitting on you . . . or worse.

I disagree. This is not the behavior of the socially awkward. They don’t have the skills to try and trick you or intimidate you into doing what they want. And, since social awkwardness is most often caused by anxiety, one would not expect such persistence.

This is the type of guy who tries to manipulate people into doing what he wants, even when it’s distasteful to them. As has been indicated otherwise, him hitting on you is the least of your worries. Normal hitting on someone only continues until you make it clear you are uninterested.

I’d be more worried that he wouldn’t accept no for an answer in other situations.

When I was 18 and still a pretty young man, I was in a long and slow line for a ‘superloo’ public toilet in Soho Square in London. A guy behind me in the queue asked me “is this the only khazi around?” I replied that I thought so. He went quiet for a few seconds then said, “ah, hang on, I just remembered, there’s a café near here - we could go and use their toilet.”

I was getting desperate by now, so I acceded to his suggestion and he led me to a nearby establishment. I went straight into the toilets, and when I came out, relieved, he was sitting at a table with two pints of beer in front of him. I thought, “that’s generous!” as he beckoned me to join him.

“I’ve got a son of your age,” he said as I sipped my pint. As he was talking, I looked around the café and realised it was actually a bar. He hadn’t used the toilet, despite having been in a queue for one. There were no women in the bar despite it being quite crowded.

“My wife doesn’t understand me,” he said, looking into my eyes and moving his hand towards mine. I suddenly remembered I had a train to catch, and left the poor guy alone with his pint and three quarters of mine.

Quite a lot of multiple murderers and rapists are married with children.

John Wayne Gacy - you may not know the name but he’s an American serial killer who raped and murdered 33 young men and buried 27 of them under his house – was married twice and had children in each marriage.

The behavior you are describing is not normal.

Actually, it is quite normal … for a sociopath. This guy is almost assuredly trolling for a victim. You might want to make sure others know about this guy, including his name. Tell your family. Document everything and keep it in your personal effects.

And stay as far away from him as possible.

Whoa whoa whoa. There’s no evidence the guy is a sociopath. He might be. He might also be a gay idiot who doesn’t get the indirect “no” messages. Most likely IMO he’s just a rather horny sleazebag who has no better prospects at the moment, and will continue the behavior until you shut him down much more explicitly.