They’ve upped the alert to Orange, noting that “soft targets are especially at risk” (my tummy is doomed). But I just don’t know if I am scared enough—I mean, I’m scared, but am I Orange Scared? From what I understand, these are the stages:
Green—humming goofily to yourself and grinning Blue—eyes darting side to side, but still humming Yellow—antsy and jumpy; lack of carefree humming Orange—hair on end; “long-tailed cat in roomful of rocking chairs” stage Red—running in circles screaming and shouting
I’d say I’m still at Yellow, though I have been known to hum from time to time, which would sorely disappoint President Bush.
I am Green today because it is Friday. I was Red yesterday.
I can’t really imagine the whole nation being on Orange at the same time. I am not sure there is enough hot chocolate in the country to calm us all down.
I’ve obligingly tried to adjust myself to match this schema, but paradoxically, I’m now as calm as can be. I guess that’s because I pressed the “Green button” to make the adjustment.
Next time I’ll have to find some sort of impure stimulant with an orange tinge to it, so that my “High Alert” consists of an appropriate level of jaw-clenching, trembling, and nervous sweating. Or I could watch Connie Chung Tonight – which is correctly colour-coded and ought to induce the expected results. I think it takes a longer exposure to it before your teeth fall out and you develop a profound paranoid psychosis, too.
This is what Eve is talking about. Careful all, Police state at work.
Safety Update Number 36
February 7, 2003
Homeland Security Advisory System Elevated to High Condition (Orange)
(High Risk of Terrorist Attacks)
The Federal Government, through the Homeland Security Advisory System, has elevated the protective status of all Executive Branch agencies against risk of terrorist attacks to a High alert status - Orange - raised from the previous status of Elevated, or Yellow.
As part of moving from a lower status of protection alert to a higher one, federal agencies are required to implement corresponding protective measures to offset the increased threat level to reduce vulnerability to attack and increase response capability during heightened alert periods.
Ya know, I swear a couple of years ago someone did a study that said if you paint your walls in your common room orange and hang out in there long enough, it would raise your psychotic tendancies. I tried searching for it, but I can’t find it anywhere. Maybe I’m just crazy.
I’m physically unable to be terrified right now. This head cold is making everything a big blah.
I’m in suburban Chicago, which I think is far enough away from stuff the bad guys are interested in. However, I don’t think it will be long before we draw first blood and incite a big-assed terrorist event. Bush has the foresight of a fuckin’ Mayfly. I am not feeling very orange at the moment, but I’m sure it will change.
I guess I better go grocery shopping this weekend then. If all hell were to break loose, I don’t think the few cans of Spam I have at home will do me any good.
That’s the problem with this whole War on Terror. I don’t feel especially terrified. I haven’t for quite some time. Maybe that would be different if I lived in a big city or something, but I feel like being worried about terrorism is like being worried about being hit by an asteroid. What can I possibly do about it? There’s no reasonable precaution I can’t take that I don’t already take.
:Guarded