This is asked only half-jokingly. Originally I was going to ask this as a full on joke, but then I went over to The Official Terror Alert Homepage and this is how they explained what the raise in the level means to me, personally: From the US Department of Homeland Security.
So at Def-con yellow I, as A Good American, should be only slightly aware of and semi-viligant about suspicious things? Or does it mean I should be more suspicious of all things and when we reach Def-con Red I should be super-paranoid and abandon all common sense?
I hope we don’t have to do much. I have been working part time for a catering company during the holidays (in addition to my regular, full time job) and I’m so sore and tired today I really don’t feel like going to a bomb shelter. I’m just getting too old for these 15 hour shifts.
If the terrorists pull a stunt today, they can just have me. I’ll be in this chair or my bed (if I can move) when they get here.
Seriously, though…doesn’t this happen during the holidays anyway? I mean, the threat of increased terrorist activities? Of course we are far more aware of them maybe going postal (since 9-11) but I vaguely remember reading that these threats always increase during the holiday season. Feel free to correct me if I’m mistaken.
If I remember from the last Orange Alert, aren’t we supposed to stock up on Duct Tape and Plastic Sheeting so we can seal up our houses in case of biological attack?
Think orange thoughts. Stock up on carrots. Eat orange sherbert.
If you see anyone in an orange jumpsuit, it’s probably an escaped prisoner. We’re not worried about them, just terrorists. Everyone is suspect, no one is safe.
**Well, us pilots were given a list of things. Most of it doesn’t apply to me, especially since I do have the creeping crud and am going nowhere near an airplane until I’m better. Bunch o’ flight restrictions and procedural things to fly in certain areas. In addition to the usual “be vigilant” caution. If you’re really curious, you can see for yourself at www.aopa.org, among other places.
Basically, there is little you can do. Aside from having standard emergency supplies like food, water, flashlights, batteries, first aid supplies, and the like stashed away. Said supplies will do for natural disasters and multi-state blackouts as well, so regardless of the alert color you should have that stuff on hand anyhow.**
[Groucho]
If the terrorists had one, I’d have a reason to be afraid.
[/Groucho]
Actually, now that we’re orange, aren’t we supposed to be making candy, and singing goofy songs about chewing gum and eating too much?
Please people, some seriousness? This is a really grave situation, we were put on orange alert because… uhm, I forget. Why was it? Oh yeah, increased traffic in the intelligence community. Maybe everyone was wishing happy holidays. I really feel this was just a wake up call. Sorta like a fire drill. Of course, terrorist could barge in any second. Hmmm… hey ccwaterback, you got any extras?
I just need to drive down to Walmart and pick up a couple boxes of ammo and some more camouflage makeup. I hope there isn’t too many damn smiley faced Christmas shoppers hanging out there. Don’t they know there’s an orange alert going on here? I scream it in their face and try shaking them into reality, but it just doesn’t seem work. God damn kid behind the counter wanted to know what I needed 400 rounds of ammo for, I told him, Jesus Christ haven’t you read the news? The goddamn commies are invading!!!
Go out and buy a Hummer. One of the older ones, that were like twice as wide as a normal car. Then go down to your nearest army base and pick up a .50 caliber machine gun and/or missle launcher and mount it on the roof. If you see any terrorists, start shooting.
Oh, and please don’t use those weapons on the slowpokes in rush-hour traffic. It’s a $50 fine and two points on your license.
