I just saw the guy across the street load a can of gasoline into his trunk. I see he has the snowblower out to trick everyone he’s going to get gas. That sommabitch, where’s my .357? He kinda looks like a terrorist too, you know, he’s not white.
Little Tommy Ridge came to my house today,
To put me in a tizzy an’ brush the cheer away,
An’ shoo ol’ Santa off the porch, an’ make you lose yer sleep,
An’ set a fire under your ass, to earn his board-an’-keep;
An’ all us little childern, when the supper things is done,
We set around the TV set an’ has the mostest fun
A-list’nin’ to the witch-tales ‘at Tommy tells about,
An’ the Terror-ists’ll git you
Ef you don’t watch out!
Onc’t they was a little boy wouldn’t watch CNN—
So when he went to bed at night, turned out the lights an’ then,
His Momma heerd him holler, an’ his Daddy heerd him bawl,
An’ when they turn’t the kivvers down, he wasn’t there at all!
An’ they seeked him in the rafter-room, an’ cubby-hole, an’ press,
An’ seeked him up the chimbly-flue, an’ ever’wheres, I guess;
But all they ever found was thist his pants an’ roundabout:—
An’ the Terror-ists’ll git you
Ef you don’t watch out!
An’ one time a little girl ‘ud allus laugh an’ grin,
When the terror code went orange, she din’t jump outta her skin
An’ onc’t, when they was “company,” an’ ole folks was there,
She said the war was foolish and that she din’t care!
An’ thist as she kicked her heels, an’turn’t to run an’ hide,
They was two great burqa’d Muslims a-standin’ by her side,
An’ they snatched her through the ceilin’ fore she knowed what she’s about!
An’ the Terror-ists’ll git you
Ef you don’t watch out!
Now THAT’s a good James Whitcomb Riley parody!
As for the Orange alert–meh! I’m in the greater DC area, so I’m a sitting duck for a dirty nuke or a biological agent. There’s nothing I can do, and I refuse to give in to the panic our government wishes to induce.
Careful, or he’ll blow your snow off! Yeah, he’s probably a terrorist. He’s probably wearing something orange. Check his underwear while he’s clutching his wound. Betchya it’s orange.
Check his snowblower for explosives. He was probably planning to blow up a sidewalk or driveway. Torch his house for good measure. Nothing like roasting terrorists by an open fire at Christmas. Hmmm, fire is orange.
Glad you’re on our side ccwaterback. You’re the only sane one on your block. Keep up the good work.
Well, I am celebrated in certain circles for my James Whitcomb Riley parodies . . .
I’m pretty sure we’re supposed to keep buying stuff. In fact, the more money we spend, the more the government can tax. With this money, they can build more weapons to fight terror.
Come on people! Spend spend spend!
Ooooh, do I get to bang the really big drum? That looks fun!
(The twirly-stick thing looks a bit girly, frankly)
[Rev Paisley]
“The future’s bright, the future’s Orange”
[/Rev Paisley]
I can keep busy imagining the various horrible deaths I can have with my fellow New Yorkers in the subway, which in my route goes right under Grand Central Terminal! I can wonder how I’m to walk home to the northern Bronx from various locations I might find myself stranded in. I can have fun picking out the possible suicide bombers from the people in puffy jackets, which includes 90% of the populace including me. I can catch LOTR at the Battery Park theater, the one with a fine view of Ground Zero down the block, to support downtown and what are they going to do, bomb the new PATH station? I can ogle the hunky Guardsmen with the machine guns in Union Square station or smile at all the cute sniffer doggies in Penn Station. I can calculate the tax dollars the damn terrorists and Homeland Security are costing us for all this in a time of dire deficits as I pay the 18% property tax hike on my co-op every month.
Or I can go right up to the tree at Rockefeller Center and watch the skaters and be happy at Christmas, with the saying “Today is a good day to die” in the back of my mind. Screw it all. Let’s live.
This post has been oranged by the orange alert!
Ouch, that hurts my eyes, Gadfly!
Yes it’s true. They’re not after symbols of the US government or symbols of capitalism, they’re after our children!!! If you don’t have children, then keep an eye on your pets, they go after your pets too. But for the love of God, keep an eye on your children!!! I was hoping there would be some way these heartless murderers would target skyscrapers or bridges, but no, they’re after our children!!! Lord have mercy on us, take me, not my children (or my poochie)!!!
If your kid had bad grades this semester, that’s the first sign there is terrorist activity going on at their school. Do something about it, don’t let the terrorist control your kid’s study habits. Keep an eye out for any unusual activity going on around your school, especially students transferring from France.
Just like Clockwork.
Geeze, I must be really safe, I buy a hummer most weekends! They’re only 20 bucks in town…
Why did it take the Government a week after capturing Saddam Hussein, to go to Orange? I would have thought a Major guy as SH being taken into custody, would have prompted the alert a WEEK AGO.
Thanks, for the elevated status, Merry Christmas, now it will take longer to get to Grandma’s House.
Attention! All good, American, non-terrorist citizens: this is an Orange Alert. I repeat: this is an Orange Alert. Please raise your right hand and repeat after me:
Oompa Loompa doompadee doo
I’ve got another puzzle for you
Oompa Loompa doompadah dee
If you are wise you’ll listen to me
Anyone not complying with the Code Orange Pledge will be summarily terminated.
We are supposed to go about our business as usual. There have been 4 orange alerts before but no attacks happened. It’s like the sheep who cried wolf.
But Ridge said this one is the biggest threat since 9-11, so I guess we are more Orange than we have ever been before. Almost orange-red?
Also, Ridge said they are planning something more devastating than 9-11. Maybe they are plotting to attack a Bowl game?
Or maybe nothings going to happen. Or maybe there is but they’re gonna try and sneak it past us like it didn’t happen. Or maybe somethings goingo to happen to distract us from the real thing that’s happening. Or maybe, just maybe, three things will happen, the real one, one to divert attention from the real one, and another to divet attention from the one designed to divert our attention. Hey, what if four things happened…
CCwaterback I’ve got a bomb shelter and a loaded anti aircraft gun. Just tell me were to point.
The terrorists are probably pissed that Oklahoma is in the title game.
Orange alert! Orange alert! Orange alert!
Okay, fine. You woke up Eddy, Teddy and Freddy and they’re alert, all right. Now what?
At least we haven’t gone to Plaid yet!