Things We Can't Do Now that the Terror Threat is Back to Orange

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

THIS JUST IN, Terror Threat back at orange. We’re going to have to curb our activities including:

  1. Embracing other, differing cultures and religions.

  2. Substituting plain yogurt for sour cream

  3. Register user names with threatening undertones, such as ABDULLAHKILLS

  4. Taking ONE long lasting Aleve instead of four doses of the leading pain reliever.

2
  1. No light beer.
3

Probably shouldn’t wear white boots as that might re-escalate the terror. (Not that a sane man would have considered this)

4

Orange totally clashes with my outfit. Damn these terrorists for hating our freedom!

5

But, you see, it’s all a plan by the University of Tennessee…subliminal GO VOLS! messages.
Meanwhile, it’s no longer Great taste and less filling…just one or the other.

6

Feh. New York has been on Orange Alert since the Astor Place riots of 1849.

7
  1. Abandon any sense of reality and proportion. All U.S. Citizens should submit completely to authority.

Of course, I’m a Canuck, so I’ll just ignore that orange alert and eat some kiwis.

8

Orange Alert is sooooo last crisis. Can’t they come up with something more original? Or maybe being original isn’t allowed??

9

This from someone with Orange Park, FL as their location? :wink:

10

I’m predicting a run on cheap self-tanner.

11

Actually, Manhattan has been on Orange Alert even longer: the settlers realized the natives might not like $12 worth of beads only a few minutes after the trade, and it’s been like that ever since.
I’ve heard that NYC is in such a budget crunch that we’re sponsoring our terror scare: we’re now on Orange Slice Alert.

12

I’ve warned my girlfriend to stop wrapping that towel around her head when she gets out of the shower. I don’t want the ATF breaking my door down just 'cause she walked in front of a window or something.

13

Mm. How about Chartreuse Alert! Snazzy yet dignified with a contemporary-yet-slightly-retro flare…

Or we can go fuscia to be a little more gauche.

14

My god! And to think, we’re all going to be up in Knoxville! We may…may…wind up drinking and shouting “WOOOO!” at football games!

The horror. The horror.

15

Won’t somebody think of the New Zealanders?!

16

note to self: reduce chanting of ‘Allah Akbar’ down to three times a day

17

I think New Zealanders are dumb foreigners.

Howzabout that?

18
  1. Can now only hang toilet paper in proper “overhang” fashion, rather than all willy-nilly as before.
19

  1. Waste the duct tape on that leaky pipe.

  2. Juggle hand gernades in a Jewish Community Center.

20

I guess those Security Guards outside of Grand Central Station holding those pole thingys with the mirrors on the end of 'em are gonna have to start checking under cars again instead of under ladies skirts.