Dang!! I’m in the thick of it and didn’t even realize it! :eek: I wonder if it’s too late to move to Green Cove Springs?
That’s where our county seat is - it would be funnier if you knew that it’s the next town south on Rt 17.
- Have to go back to waving the American flag like mindless zealots and taking everything Shrub’s administration says as gospel truth.
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Cower in fear in front of the TV. Oh, wait, that’s because American Idol is on again.
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Stop at a checkpoint just outside the airport so that security types can determine whether you are, in fact, going to the airport.
Uh, things we CAN do, obviously. Duh.
- We can’t masturbate any more.
Uh, well, actually, we can, but we’re supposed to feel extra guilty about it.
No foreign beer. Only Yuengling, nothing but Yuengling. That’s a great American name!
- No more drawing moustaches and eyeglasses on President Bush with black marker. Now, must use orange marker.
If you drink anything other than orange juice at breakfast, you’re un-American.
Just don’t read the fine print on the carton/bottle/etc. telling you the OJ is made from domestic and imported orange juice concentrate.
- Increase procreation levels to prepare armed forces for possible terrorist invasion 18 years from now.
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Leave those faded/tattered flags from the last terror alert on our cars/lawns/mailboxes/buildings, etc. sigh Now we have to replace 'em with bright new patriotism again. Since it’s in season.
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Turn off the “America” songs. Any song that doesn’t include a warm fuzzy feeling re: America and its glory should be banned. Country music will, for the first time, be considered uplifting, and not depressing.
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Critique any American, past or present. All of us are eligible for sainthood, and any contrary opinion will be shot on sight.
I tried to do that once, but the Secret Service grabbed me before I could get close enough. :mad:
19ish) Can’t get scurvy. Not with all the citrus we’d better be eating.
20ish) To avoid any confusion, when at the airport, don’t forget to announce loudly “I am not a terrorist! I do not have a bomb in my surprisingly heavy backpack! I voted for Mister George W. Bush, who is the president of this great country, the United States of America! I do not like Saddam Hussein!”
21ish) Can’t waste that plastic sheeting on building a huge Slip-And-Slide playground in the backyard. Sorry, kids.
Kn(“Orange who?” “Orange you glad I didn’t say Banana Alert?!”)ckers
Due to the Orange Alert, Americans will need to make a few other accommodations.
First off, anything The Shrub says, is automatically true. If Dubya comes on the air, to say that Rhode Island is harboring terrorists, and that we don’t need UN support to invade, well, he means it.
And it is true.
If he says he is wearing a red necktie, and your TV shows a blue one, well, your TV needs calibrated.
Because it’s true.
You must now also accept the fact that France=Bad. Again.
- Nothing different than when the alert was yellow (or is that Sunflower?)
Note to self: Can no longer pat my belly and exclaim “I feel like I’m about to explode” every time I leave the food court at the mall.
This is why I choose invisibility every time the “Flight or Invisibility” discussion pops up in IMHO or MPSIMS.
Hmmm…just over 11 hours. I thought someone would jump on that one a little sooner.
'Cept Clinton. He’s the commie ringleader of the terrorists and every flag waving American must reflect on the many times he tried to destroy this Great Nation of Ours.
I’ve always been a little suspicious of those Rhode Islanders, with their “island” and “plantations.” It ain’t, and they don’t have one, the lying sacks! Georgia has plantations. Besides, how can a place smaller than their state quarter have five freaking counties? Huh? I ask you. And we won’t even begin to discuss Brown. “Oooh, we’re Ivy.” Sure you are. Ivy is green, you dopes!
I say go get 'em.
I’m thinking “Damn…I gotta drop me a load” (said after a Taco Bell adventure) will have to be ixnayed as well…