Other people's parents

When your daughter needs to go into inpatient care at a psychiatric hospital, cancel your dentist’s appointment and take her. Please, your teeth will still be there when you get back.

I teach at an alternative school, we have all kinds of kids who have mental/social/learning needs that we address. Some have all those issues and fucked up parents to boot. Like Sara*.

Sara comes from an East Asian family and she is first generation American. In the past, I thought some of the differences in how we dealt with Sara were cultural. But this is just selfish behavior.

Sara went home for December break and we were already worried about her. But, she was in good spirits talking about new classes she was going to take when she got back. Sara is a kind, clever, smart and lovely teenager and we know her parents refuse to see that. Sure enough, she came back this week defeated. Her parents told her that she should not need to go to a “reject school” and that she needs to live up to their expectations or else they won’t love her anymore. (BTW our school is a great place!)

So, teachers and social workers were talking to her and she seemed really sick. Her Father called us one night saying that she was “out of control” and could we please talk to her. When we asked her what was wrong she didn’t know. She was so overwhelmed that she really didn’t know. When asked if she was thinking about hurting herself she said yes.

The Father was told to get her to a hospital IMMEDIATELY. He called the nearest one and when they were out of beds and he waited to call a social worker until the next day. WTF!? She is lucky to be alive. The next day the social worker picked her up and checked her into the hospital. Dad had a dentist’s appointment.


I am sorry that your daughter does not live up to your expectations. But your behavior is going to kill her! Child welfare may be hearing about this. Asshole.
*not her real name

Hell, I am not sorry their daughter does not live up to their expectations of being a lemming.

I am, however, sorry that her parents do not live up to basic expectations of not being fucktoids. “won’t love her anymore” indeed. Fuck you and the steel-barbed pole you rode in on.

Withholding needed medical care is child abuse. It is your responsiblilty to report. Please, for the sake of that child, and your own future mental health do it now.

Why do people insist on saying such fucktarded things to their own children? They won’t love her anymore? :mad: :rolleyes:

My eldest child has, in the past six months, pulled some extremely stupendous feats of total asshattery. Never (never!) would I say the words ‘not love you anymore’. Every argument with my child is always prefaced with 'I LOVE you, son. I will always love you, but your behavior is making me…(blah, blah, blah, yakkity, smakkity). If we* can’t change this behavior for the better, then …(yadda, yadda, yadda).

Skip a dental appointment? Duh, that’s a no-brainer. I’ve skipped work…and forfeited a day’s PAY to take care of my kids, and I don’t consider that a difficult decision. I can make the sacrifice to eat cheap with my tartar-build-up teeth to take care of my child. Duh. Just Duh.

I so dislike stupid, self-centered parents.
Now, meditate a moment of the fact that an angsty teen may tell others her parents said they wouldn’t love her anymore, even though they may not have said that in so many words. I still believe it must have been strongly implied in order for a child to feel that way.

*we, as in the parents and child working together for betterment of the whole situation.


I hate to say it, but that does sound like really typical East Asian attitudes towards women. If I am off base, please tell me, but from what I’ve read, I’m not really surprised.

I went to an alternative school and I just wanted to say thank God for people like you, Altoid.

Was that a quote, or what Sara told you they said?

There is a book another Doper lent me recently, about how culture clashes over medical care can lead to disaster–it’s called “The Spirit Catches You And Then You Fall Down” by Ann Fadiman. It’s about a Hmong family whose youngest daughter has a terrible form of epilepsy. The family clashed with the Western medical establishment over her care. It’s pretty eye-opening (also depressing). Mistakes made on both sides. I recommend it to anyone who is interested in this sort of thing, and certainly for anyone who is dealing with a cultural difference in attitudes about illness.