We have 2 granddaughters, aged 7 and 2. They are delightful girls and we love spending time with them and their parents. This is a VERY minor issue, but their mother (our daughter) rarely (if ever) has them comb their hair. If it ever happens, it might be for Christmas dinner or something. But 99% of the time, the girls look as tho their household does not own a comb or brush. Within the last couple of weeks, her hair was like that moments before guests arrived for her birthday party, and when they showed up at a cousin’s home for an extended family cookout. So I’m not just talking about when playing in the yard or hanging at home.
My daughter puts some effort into her appearance, and SIL keeps his hair buzzed, so it isn’t just the entire household’s habits.
I am not suggesting that they ought to look like they primp or anything - just wondering what others feel about basic expected selfcare. If not at 7 - at what age? Do you think other children and their parents notice such a thing? I do not seem to see such lack of haircare on other kids - boys or girls, so I wonder if it affects them socially.
Just to clarify: her hair looks like it has never been combed (e.g. matted hair) or it looks like it hasn’t been combed in the past few hours (e.g. flyaway hair)?
I guess I’m a little confused, is your concern that granddaughter’s hair isn’t being combed at all, or specifically that she isn’t combing her hair herself? The latter seems like a non-issue to me. The former really depends on a number of factors. As other asked, is it matted or just messy? Is the rest of her hygiene being taken care of (teeth brushed, regularly bathed, etc.)?
My 10 and 7 year olds (boys, not girls) very rarely comb their hair unless I make them. It tends to not look so bad, as long as it is clean. Now if it’s ratty and dirty that could be an issue, but I’ve never seen clean but uncombed hair look anything other than messy, which I can’t really see a huge issue with unless it’s like picture day or a family gathering.
With a two-year-old, it really doesn’t matter. Their hair will not stay tidy for more than two minutes.
A seven-year-old should probably be starting to take some interest in their appearance, but they are likely to have much more ‘important’ things to think about like, “why is the sky blue”.
No - not matted. But just looks like bed head throughout the day. Even if going to a party. It used to be long - which kinda bothered me as it was always in her eyes. She got a pixie cut, and it is not in her eyes, but rarely - if ever - appears combed.
I guess when I was young, my parents required that my hair be somewhat combed and my clothes somewhat clean - at least when I was going to family events and such.
And I made clear in my OP that this was not a huge issue, and that it occurred at family gatherings, birthday parties, etc.
And I guess I assume that by 7, a kid ought to be taught to take some responsibility for hair care. But I could also imagine a parent saying, “We aren’t going out with your hair looking like that. Come over here and let me comb it” - which would take all of 10 seconds. I guess I think of basic haircare as a part of basic hygiene - something you gradually teach kids from an early age.
Can I go out on a limb and guess that as a parent you didn’t have primary responsibility for combing your children’s hair? Because, ten seconds? heh heh heh
If their hair isn’t actively matted, it’s almost certainly being combed every day. That’s how kid’s hair works, especially if it’s at all long, and if it’s not held back by barettes or hair ties.
Oh boy! I can relate to this. My hair was long, down to my waist. My two sisters had long hair also. When we were in the under 10 age group we’d all “brush” our own hair. But we could never reach all the way back so we’d end up with a big snarl at the base of our necks. For the most part, it was hidden under the rest of our hair but eventually, it would start to peek out. Then the fun would begin! My mom would take a kitchen chair and set it in the middle of the kitchen. She’d sit and we would have to take turns standing in front of her while she undid the massive snarls. We’d scream and cry for what seemed like hours. My dad would yell from his recliner, “cut it off, cut it all off”. FUN times! I think by the time we were 10-ish we did much better in the hair brushing department.
One of the great pleasures of grandparenting is we don’t have to give a crap about these things. Not our problem. Give them some ice cream and let them run wild.
Perhaps the parents feel it’s not worth battling over? Parents get to choose which issues they focus on and perhaps they consider this a non starter, something that will self correct, over time perhaps?
You’re sure that’s not just the style? I was watching something with one of my brother’s twenty-something children and one of the boy bands appeared. I made some comment about them needing a comb, which elicited a smile from the kid. In other words, some kids’ hairstyles are supposed to look like that.
I’ve been cutting my hair as a fade. Very short sides/back but a bit of length on top. After a shower I rake my fingers through the top. I own a comb, but only use it for trimming my beard.
I’ve seen adult models/actors/etc. with carefully arranged styles that looked like bedhead to me. What does it matter if her hair’s not arranged in the way you want it to be?
Basic haircare is basic hygiene – that is, reasonably clean, not full of lice, not stuck together with old smelly egg yolk, etc. Arrangement of hair, or the lack of it, is a matter of style and personal choice. It’s not your hair; quit worrying about it.
My wife will comb my 8- and 6-year-old daughters’ hair when appropriate. They both hate getting it combed (they have off-the-shoulder hair). They don’t comb their own hair. I, personally, could give no shits about whether their hair is combed or not.
Careful that limb doesn’t break. I can still do a mean French braid, tho I never mastered the fishbone.
Interesting responses. I never thought myself overly on the end of caring about appearances. If my wife didn’t care how my hair looked, I’d either buzz it myself or wear it down my back. I comb it after a shower without looking in a mirror. About the height of styling is if I walk not a stiff breeze as it dries.
I didn’t think I was staking out an extreme position by proposing the desirability of dredging a comb thru a kid’s pixie cut before showing up at a gathering of aunts/uncles/cousins/grandparents. Or before hosting one’s birthday party.
So if you were a kid - or you took your kid to the playground, everything else being equal would you gravitate towards the kid whose hair was unkempt and clothes stained?
And no, this 7 yr old is not intentionally styling her hair to resemble some hip “messy” do.
The only reason I think it matters is because I consider humans to be very visually oriented. As much as folk claim they value peoples’ inner qualities, I feel a lot of quick decisions are based on first impressions of appearances. And a lot of little kids are real shits - looking for any reason to put another kid down. This kid is not the most socially adept kid overall. I just don’t see the benefit to allowing something that could so easily be addressed, which MIGHT encourage at least SOME people to form unfavorable opinions. I do not see the benefit to being the kid on the playground/in school/at a party, who consistently appears less well kept than all of the other girls her age.
On rare occasion, when we have babysat, we have asked if we could comb her hair, and she posed no objection. She does not have any extreme personality issues, nor am I of the school of parenting, that I think things as basic as that ought to be “battles.” I guess I’m fortunate that none of my kids tried to make a battle over such things, but I sure cannot imagine that they would have won or that the battle would have been protracted.