My wife and Baby Clucky were on the elevator in our doctor’s office building.
Unsolicited, this stranger says to Baby Clucky: “Mommy needs to fatten you up.”
Well, it’s like this, stupidfuck stranger. Our baby was born 6-1/2 weeks early. We spent the first three months of her life fattening her up to close to normal size. Our doctor said we’re champion parents to get her to the weight she is.
Now, at 9 months, Baby Clucky is 28-1/2 inches long and 16 pounds. She’s in the 10th percentile for height and weight for babies her age, which is to say she’s at the bottom 10 percent. But, she was a preemie, and we’re pretty happy with that, even if she’s smaller.
Now, this stupid fuck decides to criticize my wife – who was very persistent in fattening Jessica up in her first few months – on the size of our baby.
Our baby’s doing great, thank you very much. What’s your excuse, you ill-mannered jerkoff?
Good LORD, who are all these people that say the most inappropriate things possible? I swear, since I’ve started reading Pit threads I’ve had less and less faith in humans’ ability to function as a society.
That having been said, dude, that sucks to have to deal with someone that stupid. I’m sure if that person knew the real situation he/she would have been VERY apologetic, but the fact that something like that didn’t cross their mind before they said it is the mark of a moron.
I feel your pain guy, but from the other end of the spectrum. My little girl is off the charts, always at around the 105th percentile. Not grotesque, just larger than average (click on my home page below for a pic). After assuming that our 13 month old must be 3 years old, we get the “look” when they find out her age. You know, the “you must be giving her intravenous Ho-Hos” look. No asswrench, I’m a bug guy, my wife’s family has a lot of height. We spawned a big child. MYOFB.
This seems to be a pretty popular Pit thread topic: “Stranger says something completely innocent not realizing that their remark happens to touch upon a devastating personal issue.”
Not that I’m trying to pull a voice-of-reason trip on you or anything; I doubt my rage would be any less.
But I would suggest that you explain to the stranger the situation right then and there. By not doing so, you leave open the possibility that the stranger would not have acted embarrassed and apologetic, giving your imagination a free hand to paint a nastier picture of him/her. The stranger probably would have acted embarrassed and apologetic had you said something, helping you maintain a little faith in the human race.
Unless you’re tired of talking about preemie-ness, in which case a Pit thread is just the place to go.
And they have no idea what’s normal for kids of any age. Cranky Jr was in the 7th pecentile for weight and 10th for height when he was your daughter’s age. As per doctor’s orders, were doing everything possible to get calories in this kid, working hard at it and trying to contain our stress about this healthy full-term (9 lb +) baby getting so scrawny.
And you know what I heard from strangers, right and left? “Wow, he’s so big for his age! What do you FEED this kid, mom!?!”
AIGH! You can only imagine how annoying THAT was. I think this impression came from Cranky Jr’s huge melon-head. 90th percentile or something–if you look at his head, he looks much bigger than other kids. He was by no means big for his age, yet all those fucking twit ‘experts’ had plenty to say about what a brute he was. Sigh.
I guess on the face of it people just want to show they’re knowledgeable about babies and children. As in “I’ve raised my own, so I know all about how kids of any age are sized.”
I know other moms & dads who have had to endure what you’re having to hear and there seems to be no easy solution. I’d be real real tempted to say something cruelly misleading like “Oh, our oncologist assures us she’ll fatten up when we can finally stop the chemo, but thanks for your concern” just to shame them into biting their tongue next time. We’re so size-obsessed in this country, and it’s stupid that it starts when they’re tiny.
I don’t care to rehash the situation with the stranger. Even if Baby Clucky weren’t a preemie, this guy has no place to say this. Babies develop at different rates no matter what. Just the fact that she was premature makes it a little bit of a sore spot for us, is all.
No, the BBQ Pit is good enough for my response. (I wasn’t there, or I might have said something, I don’t know.) It just hacked me off when my wife told me that. My wife has been a great mother.
What I don’t get is this. If you’re going to comment on a baby, why not stick to the relm of compliment and leave judgement out of it entirely. (Too big, too small, too fat, too thin) Can’t a person just say “What a beautiful baby”, which means exactly that instead of “Mommy needs to fatten you up!” which implys that the baby is too thin looking or sickly. While the “fatten you up” comment isn’t derogatory, it still implys something wrong. If people could stick to the “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything” rule more often, fewer people would be in here bitching.
Thank you, I couldn’t agree more. It’s just that according to the charts, she has the height, weight, and head circumference of a 2-1/2 year old. So some people think that we obviously should have her on Baby Slimfast.
[aside]On one of our regular pediatrician visits, my wife was doing a little freestyle stressing over our babe’s size. The staff, in an effort to comfort her, tell her that our’s isn’t the biggest baby they’ve seen. They should’ve stopped there. Instead they start naming big kids and pulling charts. After the 10th or so failed attempt, my wife was in shambles.[/aside]
pcubed, your baby is very cute. You can’t control the rate of her growth. If she’s that tall, too, then obviously she isn’t getting fed because she’s being force-fed. It’s genetic. Hey, somebody’s got to have the biggest baby her age. If she’s healthy, she’s healthy, is what I always say.
pcubed, don’t sweat it. I was a huge kid (HUGE) people assumed I was retarded because I behaved like a two year old when I was obviously at least four or five. (I was 18 mos. Mature for my age. Thanks.)
My kindergarten pictures are stunning, my whole class lined up, I’m twice the size of them height wise. And I was in the wrong class. I was two years younger than the rest of the kids. The school hadn’t paid attention to my birthday, just dumped me in the big kid class, I held my own, everyone was happy. (It was a school that only went up to kindergarten. Early Childhood education grad project of some sort. Lots of fun.) when the mistake was found I just stayed in that class for an extra year. I didn’t notice, the teachers thought I was fun, everyone involved was happy.
So don’t sweat it. If the people near and dear to kid love them, the kid will probably turn out fine. (Or at least none the worse for wear.) And the other kids will catch up eventually.
Cranky, I have also had the thought of saying something insane to the next rude person who says something about a child based on their size or other appearance. Who they hell are you to judge the size of a kid’s head? You don’t look like my pediatrician.
TMI ALERT- I have a friend who had a very difficult pregnancy. Her placenta turned from red (good) to black (bad) less than halfway through, and they thought she would lose the baby for sure, or it would have serious problems. Good news, thought- Lauren is a beautifull little girl, and just fine. But she was born more than two months early, so she could fit in the palm of your hand without dangling much over the edge. I can’t tell you how many imperfect strangers made comments about her size to her mom.
pcubed, I gotta agree with the posters before me. Your daughter is just adorable! What the hell are people getting all whacked out about?
/rant against my mother/
When I was a few months old, apparently I had gotten to be a chubby baby, and my mom TOOK ME TO THE DOCTOR to ask him if I would be “all right” weight-wise. The doctor looked at her and said, “You and your husband are both normal-sized. She’ll be fine.”
Since when are babies not allowed to be chubby? I’ve never seen a baby that wasn’t beautiful, whether chubby or skinny. What the hell was my mother planning to do if the doctor said I would turn out to be fat, give me bottles filled with Slim-Fast instead of soy milk? I was so mortified when I heard that story…