Our top story tonight...

will be delivered by Garret Morris, headmaster of the New York School for the Hard of Hearing:


Good night, and have a pleasant tomorrow.

In other news…

President Bush announced his plan for a new Department of Government Reduction. The department will employ 180,000 people in a new twelve-story office complex, and will operate initially on an annual budget of $1.4 billion.

“That’s just until we can get Congress to appropriate a decent amount,” Bush said.

The president declared that the new department will consolidate all of America’s wars. “We will combined our War on Poverty, War on Drugs, and War on Terror into one great War on Everything,” Bush said.

“Residents of East Thyroid, Wyoming, have received indications that there may have been a leak at the local nuclear power plant. All the people and animals are dead and the trees are humming.”

"And here's a partial football score:  San Francisco, 2!"

In other news, Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore is taking his crusade to the people.

Moore was quoted as saying; “That’s right, we’re taking it to the people! Since having the 10 commandments in the Capitol Dome is illegal, I’ve decided to mail a copy of the monument to each and every household in the great state of Alabama!”

When asked to clarify, Justice Moore responded, "Nope, not just a copy of the 10 commandments, I mean a copy of the monument I placed in the Dome. That’s right, each and every househould in Alabama will receive its own copy of the 5600lb monument with God’s own words inscribed upon it!


Violence erupted on one college campus during an argument between two peace activists over how pacifist they were.

(From Jay Leno)
A fight broke out between fans waiting in line for the new Star Waars and Star Trak movies. Police are still investigating but are fairly certain the fight was not caused by an argument about a woman!