Thanks for these comments! I read some to him and it did make him smile. I told him he was a hero before but hearing others say it made a bigger impact.
His therapist this morning suggested I see about a homebound program to finish the school year. It does seem like most of his stress is related to the school. He says he sees ghosts all day long there, not real ones but it’s reminders of the trauma he suffered and the friends of this bully who would tease my son and the girls who complained. He can’t understand why everyone talks so highly of the student who killed himself. He says they all forgot how horrible he was to them. I try to explain that’s often what happens after a death and that it could be they aren’t grieving his death so much as their own mortality. He says kids look at him funny and don’t talk to him like they did before. I don’t know if this is true or if he just feels this way because the kids are just quiet and dealing with their own confusion. All the adults in his life have told him repeatedly that this death is not his fault but because when he was being traumatized he wished the kid would die he can’t shake that guilty feeling. Anyway, I’m waiting for the school district office to return my call to see about finishing the school year here. Next year he will move up to the high school and maybe a change of scenery will help him make a fresh start. I would change schools but our district only has one for his grade.
I think this is a great idea =) There are actually a few parent/child sets on the Dope as I recall. ANd this is actually one of the safer message boards online, I think.
I think this is a great idea. Having taught eighth grade at one point, I can say middle school kids are generally pretty confused about death, and this particular death involves a kid who was a repeat sexual and emotional abuser. They’re likely to find scapegoats like your son and probably the other victims, and kids that age can be pretty ruthless towards those scapegoats.
I also think the guidance counselors and teachers should specifically address the guilt and scapegoating caused by a peer’s suicide, in addition to the usual general talks about suicide and grief they’ve already had with the student body. This is likely the kids’ first experience of losing someone their own age, and of course, a suicide is especially difficult. Your son may not be the only person getting the stink eye, and other victims are probably also having conflicting feelings and are at increased risk for suicide, too. Addressing it could also pave the way toward a better high school experience for your son.
I do hope your son already has on file an “Individual Development Plan,” as required by Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act of 1973.
Ask for an immediate conference with the School District’s psychologist, for a review and an amendment to his current IDP. At that time, you can insist he be placed on Home Schooling immediately, due to the repercussions of his assault by the school sex fiend.
You’ll probably get a lot of garbage. Stand your ground.
Whatever excuses, argument, or backtalk you get, ignore it. Say, “This is what he is legally entitled to.”
~VOW