Out of the mouths of babes (Warning: Cute Kid Story)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

When my nieces Mel and Jess were really young, they just luuuuuurved their Uncle Todd. I mean they’d grab onto me and not let go for the entire visit. If they couldn’t sit next to me at mealtimes, they’d have crying fits. Ditto if I dared to pay attention to anything but them. I was the center of their world. They were electro magnets, and I was a big hunk o’ metal.

The youngest, Jon, was not so demonstrative.

So I (and my parents) arrived at their house one December 24th. Bam, there are the nieces, glommed onto my legs. No time to chat, though, because we had to go immediately to church for the special Xmas service. I struggled to get to the minivan while wearing leg warmers made out of girls.

So we got to church, and I was sitting in a pew with a niece close by on either side.

The minister then asked that all of the children come up to the front pew. Jon went. Mel reluctantly left my side and went up. Jess wouldn’t dare leave her favoritest uncle in the whole wide world. No inducement was sufficient.

“So kids”, asked the minister, “does anyone know what Christmas is all about? Well, it’s a birthday party. It’s Jesus’s birthday! And what do we do at birthday parties? We have cake!”

She then produced a tray full of cupcakes. Jess was away from her favorite uncle in a flash. There was not even a dust cloud to mark where she had been a split second earlier. I have never seen a kid move so fast.

So the minister told the kids all about mangers and wise men and bright stars while the kids ate their treats.

“And that, kids, is what Christmas is all about. Does anyone have any questions? Yes, Jon?”

“Can I have another cupcake?”

22

I overate this past Thanksgiving. Waaaaay overate.

So after dinner, I decided my only option was to lie down on the couch. My GF’s niece’s son Bobby decided this was an invitation to use me as a jungle gym. (Why do kids think of me in this way?) He started climbing up my legs then crawled onto my belly.

Oof!

“Bobby”, I said, “please don’t crawl there. I’m way too full.”

He gave me a quizzical look.

I pointed to my stomach and said “There’s a lot of turkey in there.”

His quizzical look changed to one of skepticism, then of curiousity. He lifted up the bottom of my shirt to look inside and see if I was, in fact, smuggling table scraps.

23

I may have told this one before.

When my nephew was little, I was living with mom and dad. I often got the chance to babysit and we would play and play. Such fun! Two and three year-olds are the best.

Anyway, one night I actually had plans to go out with one of my friends, and so I was setting my nephew’s expectation that I would be eventually leaving. As the time drew near, I let him know I’d be leaving in 15 minutes, 10 minutes, etc.

He didn’t want me to go and asked me why I had to leave. “Well,” said I, “I told my friend I would go see her tonight, and it wouldn’t be very fair if I didn’t do what I said I was going to do.”

He’s not happy with that answer, asks a few more times, I explain a few more times. Eventually, he goes upstairs to, I presume, play with gramma.

A few minutes later, he comes back and standing on the stairs, his wee little hands up over his head holding on to the banister he says in a very you-are-not-being-logical voice…

“No, you can’t go. You’re my baby.”

So hard not to cry! I still well up when I think about it.

24

When my mom was pregnant with my sister, the fact that she had a baby growing in her tummy must have impressed me greatly, as my collected drawings of the time are filled with pictures of mommy with a baby in her tummies - but amongst them were two that stood out: a cowboy with a baby in his tummy and a dog with a cat in its tummy. :smiley:

Grim

25

[QUOTE=cantara]
2 from my 4 year old daughter…

  1. She, her twin brother and 5 year old cousin were riding their bikes around a deserted parking lot. I was watching and helping when they fell. She falls and tries to get back on, when her cousin falls halfway across the parking lot from me. I call to him to see if he’s okay, starting to walk toward him, and my daughter leaps on her bike and rides to him yelling “To the rescue!” I figured out later that she had remembered the line from a kids fire truck book I had read to them recently.
    QUOTE]

You have no idea how proud I’d be if I had a kid that said, “To the Rescue!”
Your kid gets extra cool points in the book of Arr! :cool:

26

When my brother and his wife found out they were going to have their second child, they struggled a little with how to break it to my niece that she wasn’t going to be an only child anymore. She was two, so the level of understanding was a problem for them, but they didn’t want to just spring it on her either.

So they settled for just saying “Mommy and Daddy are going to have a baby!”

My niece seemed okay with the whole thing and got awfully excited about the prospect of a baby. She has a thing for babies - as do many little girls. She had a baby doll that she would *not * be parted from - Baby Crayon. (That’s what happen when you let a 2 year old name their toys, folks.)

Everything was fine, and then my brother noticed that every time they went to the store she would look around and demand to know where her baby was.

“Where my baby!”

My brother and his wife chalked it up to the vagaries of a small child and ignored it. Then, every time my brother or his wife made a solo trip to the store, she’d demand “Where my baby!”

After a while they realized my niece thought that babies came from the store - after all, that’s where Baby Crayon came from. :smack:

Then my sister-in-law sat down and explained that the baby was growing in Mommy’s belly. My niece contemplated that for a while and seemed to forget it in the joy of new toys.

Until she started, at random moments, running up to her mother, putting her mouth up to her mother’s belly and shouting “HI BABY! HURRY UP BABY!”. In public.

Her mother was not amused.

27

There’s a trio of us girls that hang out all the time…

One of my girlfriends’ daughters was around 3 or 4 at the time, and she most often would see the other two of us together (me and T). Every Christmas T makes lots and lots and lots of cookies, decorated with icing, and gives them to everyone she knows. Well the daughter made the comment to her mommy “MrsMonkey must get **lots ** of cookies!”.

She hadn’t yet grasped the concept that we weren’t together all the time!! :slight_smile:

28

When I was a little kid, my family was having dinner at another family’s house. After dinner we were served dessert: Jell-O with a big dollop of whipped cream on top of it! Yay! I eagerly stuck my spoon into the blob of white, fluffy goodness and shoveled my mouth full of … mayonnaise.

Some really cute words came out my mouth in response, but I can’t remember them because they got spanked out of me as soon as we got home.

[hijack]
I mean, who the hell puts mayonnaise on Jell-O? I learned later that these people called mayonnaise “salad dressing” (inspired by Miracle Whip, no doubt). But Jell-O isn’t salad! I don’t care how much fruit you put in it. It’s dessert, not a freaking salad! I actually liked mayonnaise, so my reaction was a matter of my brain expecting sweet whipped cream and getting mayonnaise instead. I was … startled. I mean, I had eaten Jell-O with whipped cream many times, so I don’t think my expectation was unreasonable.
[/hijack]

29

I’m playing around with a little nerf football with Collin (then 3 years old), I tossed it at him and it naturally bounced off his chest. I said “Right on the Numbers!”

He replied “You hurt my numbers!”

30

I was amazingly tactless as a kid. My parents could write several pages about the strange things I said.

My father’s favourite was the time he was picking me up from childcare. He had recently had a vasectomy. He was chatting with the owner of the place when the following (approximate) exchange came up:

Owner: So how are you these days?

Father: Oh, not bad…

Me (in a very loud voice): BUT HE’S A LITTLE SORE IN THE BALLS!

:smack:

31

These are from my daughter, most between 2 1/2 and 3 years of age.

J: “Did you hear my bum?”
Me: “No, What did it say?”
J: “It said ‘I like myself’”

J: “Mommy, how you spell pasta?”
Mommy: “P-A-S-T-A”
J: “I spy with my little eye something begins with P. What is it”
Mommy: “Um, Pasta?”
J: “yeah”

J: (Stands patiently in sunroom for a couple of minutes, then says, exasperatedly)
“Daddy! DADDY! DADDDDDDDYYYY!”
Me: “What do you want, Boo?”
J: “Daddy, can you take me to the curb please. I am pretending to be garbage.”
(On a trip to England, looking out of the plane window)
J: “Look Daddy! It’s pretend google earth!”

32

When my sister was little, she was a very picky eater. For a while, she would have to find something wrong with what we were having for dinner. So one day my mother decides to make her favorite dinner: chicken. My mother sets the food down in front of my sister, and my sister takes a good look at the food and is desperately trying to think of something she doesn’t like about it when she finally says, “I don’t like my chicken … dead.”

Often, when we complained about what we were having, my mother would say to us, “Well, if you don’t like what we’re having, then you can go eat at the neighbors’ house.” Now, the neighbors on either side were both retired couples, and since we were children, they were old beyond belief and therefore scary. However, one day after my mother tells my sister she can go eat with the neighbors if she wants, my sister says, “Fine! I will.” She then proceeds to march out the front door, down the driveway, down the sidewalk, up the neighbors’ driveway, and gets halfway to the neighbors’ front door when she realizes that she’s been had and comes running back home crying.

33

How adorable–you’re raising a little postmodernist! :smiley:

Daniel

34

If I’m repeating myself I’m sorry - I post in a few places and don’t remember if I’ve told these here before.
My grandson and I were talking about frindship when he was about 3.

I told him he would always be my friend.

His response, “Grandma, you’re my boy!”

I had my daughter safely belted in the back seat. I checked the mirrors and proceded to pull out of the parking space. I reached for my ice cold and delicious Pepsi and brought it to my lips.

My daughter Brooke screamed, “No Mommy! Don’t drink and drive.”

35

When my friend’s aunt was little, she used to get very upset when people would laugh at clowns. Finally one day, she yelled at her brothers “Don’t make fun of them! They can’t help that they were born like that!”

When I was taking flying lessons, I was explaining to my little sister that airplanes have visors just like cars do, to protect the pilot’s eyes when it’s sunny. She looked kinda puzzled and asked, “But don’t you fly above the sun?”

36

Mayo on Jello is just plain wrong.

37

I was watching my 8 year old neighbor on Saturday evening, September 8, 2001. For some reason we got on the subject of the Oklahoma City bombing. I told him that 168 people had been killed, he asked why, and I explained that someone bombed the government building because “He didn’t like this country and wanted to hurt it.”

The child replied “THAT’S JUST STUPID. If you don’t like this country, just go live somewhere else. You don’t got to bomb buildings and kill people.” I agreed with him.

I was also very surprised three days later with the timing of his statement.

A year later, he asked me “What were the Towers?” I asked him what he meant, and he said “Were they apartment buildings?” I realized we lived in an apartment building that was on the flight route for Teterboro Airport. I told him no, they were office buildings. Nobody lived there.

Image the fear he’d been carrying for a year.

38

It was over two years ago. I used to go to Borders every Sunday morning. One such Sunday a man was hurrying through the store with his small son in tow. The son shouts:

Son “Where you going daddy? Where you going”
Dad: To the bathroom
Son “Do you gotta poop? Do you gotta poop dad?”
no response
Son “Do you gotta poop Dad? You sure do poop alot. You pooped before we left. I bet you gotta poop. You gotta poop dad?”

The father picked up the pace. I’m not sure if it was because he had to poop, or because he needed to get his kid out of the center of the store. Or both.

39

Not at all clever but pretty funny at the time…

I was rassling with my niece (6 year old) a few months ago and my shirt went up revealing my rather large stomach. My nieces eyes got really big and she shouted “Look at your belly! It’s huge!”.

40

Oh, my God! Some of these are really funny, but this one is killing me.

One day, my 3-year-old daughter and I were in our living room, and we could see our elderly neighbor through the window. She said to me, “That’s my neighbor. She’s OLD.” I was very glad that we were inside when she said that and not outside. I repeated it for my husband later that day, and he stifled a smile and said, “Huh. Wonder where she got that…”

A few weeks ago, we were getting ready for dinner and she asked me if she could have juice with dinner. I said no, that she gets milk with dinner, not juice. She replied, “But Daddy always gives me juice when you’re not here!” He vehemently denied it. Perhaps too vehemently.